You Bet Your Ass I'm Acting Like a Normal Person

doctor will fix me they'll do a scan and find a terrible darkness seated in my stomach and be like "oh my god we're so sorry we were supposed to remove this at birth like everyone else, i don't know how this was missed, we're so sorry you've been living like this your whole life" and it'll fix my brain too and all clouds will part

OH MY GOD

It just gets BETTER AND BETTER

scrub daddies should feel pain when you use them but in order to prevent a binary qualic state they should first be exposed to experiences such as regret, disappointment, joy, wonderment, etc so that the suffering is legible within a register of experiential meaning. this will make them clean dishes better.

this will also get them to heaven faster so don't think they aren't getting anything out of this

girl who's died a thousand times and soon will die a thousand more: I think I'm starting to feel a bit better actually

tshirt that says "i do not consent to being filmed" on the front and "i am in witness protection and if you film me and post it online you could be directly responsible for my death" on the back

when someone post a picture of me and my shirt online i then deploy my 87 alt accounts posing as various members of the mob to send the uploader messages demanding to know the whereabouts of the person in the image and making it implicitly clear that i plan to harm them

thinking about when i mentioned tom and jerry by title alone to my 65 year old father and his only response was to laugh REALLY hard and say "him and that fucking mouse.." while staring into the distance. and then the conversation was over

looking at jobs is like vintage toothpick sorter entry level immediate start ..... wow maybe I could be a vintage toothpick sorter.... *starts to envision a future where I am deeply involved in vintage toothpick sorting* *scrolls down* "5 years vintage toothpick sorting required Minimum!" *my dreams of vintage toothpick sorting dissolve into dust"

And I worked with a man called Squidward. And he was a Protestant man, but we were the best of friends. But by God, he was crabid as a bag of cats. He was an auld grump. And he'd be big into the flutes and the Oboes and things like that. He lived in a big stone head.

a lot of good songs by men fit into the genre category of "i enjoy this but if the woman this song is about shot the singer in the face point blank and i was in the jury i would move towards nullification"

how is everyone feeling today