Sometimes itâs hard to be direct.
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YOU ARE THE REASON
$LAYYYTER

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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if i look back, i am lost
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@childoftheglowcloud
Sometimes itâs hard to be direct.

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Welp I havenât been on tumblr in months but my stupid LOTR posts are still getting notes lmao
Allie explains the mystical menstrual cycle.
well i mean youâre not wrong
this is amazing
What if someone got bitten by a vampire, but didnât realize it. So then they go around and keep misidentifying all the symptoms, like
âDude, you havenât gone outside in a while.â âYeah, last time I went out I got this wicked sunburn.â
âAre you still up?â âYeah, I started bing watching this show on Netflix.â
âDude, Iâm seriously craving something right now.â âLike what?â âI dunno. Pizza rolls?â
âWhy is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?â âUm, itâs called âbeing politeââŚ?â
âI tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think Iâm allergic, but all Iâm getting on Google is vampire bullshit.â
âDude can a mirror like⌠stop working or something?â
âDude, why do you keep posting pictures of the floor?â ââŚThose are meant to be selfies, I guess my camera must be broken.â
âDude, I am all for you expressing your religious beliefs, but could you not wear your crucifix when Iâm around? It really bugs me for some reason.â
âI went to church yesterday and the holy water was really hot!â
âHave you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.â
jim fucking carrey
jim fucking carrey
I love Jim Carrey. I once met him in a 7/11, and I was getting a soda, I turned and saw it was him, and he saw I was going for a Doctor Pepper, so he said âOh did you want one of theseâ, to which I stuttered out a yes and he grabbed all of them and said âtoo badâ and brought them up to the front. Then he bought his stuff and left the sodas there, and left. Almost immediately after, he ran back in and began putting the sodas back and paid for mine.
This is what happens when Candians are let lose and try to prank people
fun fact: some of jim carreyâs scripts literally contain the phrase âjim carrey proceeds to act like jim carreyâ
Reblogging bc fucking Jim Carrey

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not risking it!!
My life sucks right now so can this be that one thing that helps?
*walks into bar* *sits in a booth with ppl in it* dont yall love being cis? i love to be cis, its good. (whispering to small lizard under the table: what do cis people drink? milk? you said milk?) yall got milk at this bar?
âUwaaah! Iâm gonna be late!â
Iâm Obama Barakku, 47 years old! Starting today, Iâm gonna be a president!
Reblog it while you can
Reblog this post to get
a shitty illuminati conspiracy theory about you based on your tumblr username
im doing you all, so get to it
Hatsune Miku for Superbowl 2k16
this post is four months old why am i still suffering from this mistake

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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN READING THIS FOR MONTHS NOW I GET IT
I thought this was going somewhere awful but then it turned golden.
Quick question, where did the "beautiful cinnamon roll" reference come from?
It was an article from the Onion about a beautiful cinnamon roll who was too good and pure.
you have been visited by the FLOATING GARNET HEAD OF GOOD FORTUNE
reblog in 20 seconds or you will NEVER have GOOD LUCK again!
knowing that iâm still in the âearly lifeâ section of my hypothetical wikipedia page is strangely comforting
girls who were bullied most of their life and gain confidence at one point should be feared most because they dont take anyoneâs shit no longer and they will destroy you if you think otherwise

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See More Daily Facts Here!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
SorryâŚ.kind of
isnât captain hook and his crew suppose to be a lost boys who escaped and thatâs why heâs trying to kill peter pan
âŚwhat the actual fuck
I NEVER TRUSTED PETER PAN
nah everything in Peter Pan was fucked up.Â
Tinkerbell and her fairy buddies were having an orgy when they found baby Peter. Tinks also extremely jealous, tricking one of the Lost Boys into shooting Wendy in the fucking chest.
Peterâs also crazy omnipotent. Like, he âmake believesâ heâs a doctor, and heals Wendy. When heâs hungry, he pretends to eat imaginary food and his stomach actually gets fuller.
Heâs also a dick. He would teach children how to fly but never how to stop, so theyâd fly for months on straight without rest or break, and they couldnât sleep either or theyâd stop flying. And when one of Wendyâs brothers actually fell asleep and plummeted into the ocean, Peter laughed his ass off. He only saved him when Wendy begged him too.
okay but thatâs the point of Peter Pan. Itâs not supposed to glorify never growing up, itâs supposed to show kids why growing up is not only good, but necessary otherwise theyâd end up as fucked up as Peter. He never matured, never learned right from wrong, he never listened to his parents because - according to Peter - he ran away as an infant.Itâs a tale to teach children that listening to their parents and growing up is good. As far as Tinker Bell goes, if you actually read Peter Pan you would know that fairies only feel one emotion at a time and they feel that emotion very strongly so the orgy? lust. Trying to kill Wendy? Jealousy. She embodies the seven deadly sins and what happens if you let your emotions get the best of you. (And as far as the new fairies series of films making her nicer itâs because you only see the jealous side of her in Peter Pan and you see other sides of her in the series because those movies are about her). Rant over, you can go back to your regularly scheduled blogging now.
So if Peter Pan shows up in your window. Stab him in the fucking chest kids. You have school tomorrow
Reblogging because I believe this will be important to the Once Upon a Time fandom tomorrow.
Itâs more complicated than that. Peter is kind of a tragic hero. He chooses not to grow up, he knows he is incomplete.
I mean, he cut off Hookâs hand because he thought it was a game. He clearly doesnât know right from wrong. He also only knows the unconditional love of a mother to a child, which is why he thinks everyone wants to be his mother. He also switches sides in a fight just for fun, kill pirates for fun, and âthinsâ out the Lost Boys when they canât fit in the tree anymore.
But, like, it wasnât a cautionary tale to tell you to listen to your parents, itâs a story about death and youth. Why canât Peter grow up? One of the popular theories is that itâs because heâs dead. J.M. Barrieâs older brother died when Barrie was little and he dressed up in his brotherâs clothes to please his mom. His mom - who was always distant, whose love Barrie craved like Peter craves a mom - started crying and said something like âAt least my baby will never grow upâ and that idea stuck with Barrie forever. Then, as an adult, itâs believed he never slept with his wife because Barrie was just a kid. He was Peter Pan. He was too innocent for that. He befriended the Llewelyn-Davies boys and based Peter Pan off of them and their games. (Fun fact: The boy Peter Pan was named after, Peter Llewelyn-Davies, threw himself under a train). There was also a bunch of stuff about Barrie being in love with The Llewlyn-Davies boysâ mother, but thatâs not important here.
People think Peterâs dead because he literally cannot return home. He tried and the window was barred and his parents had replaced him with another baby. Why? Probably because they had lost Peter to the flu. Why does Peter come in through the window? Because of the joke âI once had a bird names Enza. I opened up the window and âinfluenzaâ.â Because lots of babies died back then form the flu. The Lost Boys are children who fell out of their prams. Odds are babies could not survive falling out of their prams. Peter is liked the pied piper ferrying the souls of young children to the neverland/afterlife. Barrie believed that all children were âgay and heartlessâ but he didnât think that was a bad thing.
Also, Hook and his crew are not old lost boys trying to kill Peter. Hook was once a British gentlemen (hinted at to be associated with Charles II and attended Elton) and he is afraid of growing old. His biggest fear is growing old and dying - that is why his nemesis is the embodiment of eternal youth. That is why the crocodile that chases him swallowed a clock and ticks. That is why when Peter finally decided âItâs Hook of me this timeâ the crocodile has stopped ticking and Peter started (heâs trying to trick them into thinking heâs the croc). At that moment - Peter is time and time has ran out for Hook.
Also, itâs not so much that Peter is omnipotent. All kids basically are in the Neverland. Like, it states that the island looks different to every kid because itâs the land of their dreams and stuff. Also, the island legit freezes when Peter leaves and thaws when he comes back. Heâs been there so long heâs not human anymore - but fey. (keep in mind being fey isnât good, just chaotic neutral). Peter even secretes pixie dust now. The island is so fine tuned with him because heâs one of the only people that stay, that it caters to him. Most likely any child that stayed as long as he did would become omnipotent to an extent.
As for Tinker Bell, the above stated is true. Fairies are so tiny they can only have one emotion at a time - âTink wasnât all badâ - and they also have really short lifespans so, like, Tinker Bell isnât even that important to Peter Pan. He forgets all about her and Hook by the time Wendy is grown up.And the orgies thing is because in the legends fey are known for their revelries.Â
And it wasnât so much that Peter was a dick, he just doesnât know when to stop. Heâs a child. He doesnât know right from wrong. He doesnât know when to stop playing -cutting Hooks hand off was a game to him. He also has the memory of a child, so odds are he just forgot to teach kids how to stop flying or how to imagine food, etc. He is just carefree, like all children. Everything is a game to him, because he never learned anything else.
But like, no, Peter Pan is not a cautionary tale. Barrie loved his character and the story and brought up a lot of good things in it. He wrote Peter as an exaggeration of a cocky overconfident boy, but, like, Peter wasnât afraid of death. It says âhe felt scared, yet he felt only one shudder run through him when any other person would have felt scared up until death. With his blithe attitude towards death, he says, âTo die will be an awfully big adventureâ.â and with that Barrie is showing us both a naivety and bravery we possess as children but lose as adults and is basically telling us that we shouldnât let that go. Like, the point is growing up is inevitable but you donât have to lose everything.
And so yeahâŚ.Iâm really passionate about Peter Pan.
Today, I have learned.
reallifetink holy shit
I didnât wake up expecting to know so much about Peter Pan
i was 14 and i was walking through a mall by myself at 12am after my shift at coldstone creamery lol and a bunch of men started whistling and meowing and getting really close to me and they kept asking me questions and i kept not answering until i didnât know what else to do so i said âiâm only 14â and almost in unison they said âwe donât careâ i was so fucking scared i didnât know what to do and they kept talking about how i looked and how my body looked and what they would do i was on the verge of tears i was all alone in a huge mall i knew i couldnât outrun them all i felt totally hopeless until a maintenance worker came up to all of us with a huge industrial broom in her hand, i thought she was going to yell at all of us for being in the mall after hours bc she probably thought we were all friends but instead she cursed all of them out in spanish, threatened to press a panic button on her belt and then proceeded to walk me to the basement garage and waited with me until my mom got there to pick me up she had a death grip on her cart the whole time and a face of steel she looked so strong and i just kept saying thank you and she kept saying not to thank her because she had to stop them.
that was the moment i realized women were the most important beings on this planet and we have to protect each other bc nobody else is going to, she didnât even know me, we couldnât even communicate that well because of the language barrier, she could have lost her job for waiting with me in the parking lot but she looked out for me when she didnât have to, she had nothing to gain from it, iâm 21 now and i tell everyone this story even though it happened 7 years ago, what she did that night helped me form and shape lot of my beliefs early on.Â
i was at a grocery store really late one night and some old guy kind of eyed me as i walked out of the store next to this other lady. She and I made eye contact and i knew she was scared too. we loaded up our groceries into our cars as fast as possible and I had way more bags than her so she got done faster than me. I panicked because i was sure she was going to leave so i just hurried faster, shaking a little, and then i noticed she sat in her car, watching me and making sure nobody came near. She waited not until all my groceries were loaded, or until my cart was put away, or until I got into my car. No, she didnât drive away until I drove away.Â
And that was the moment that I realized how much women need other women. That we canât win this war without each other and we have to be looking out for each other, every second.Â
my last year in new york city, i got off the subway around 9 or 10p.m. i only lived about 5 blocks from the f train, but i hadnât gotten more than two before a womanâs hand suddenly touched my arm.Â
âthat guy behind us is following you,â she said. âhe was watching you leave the train car and followed you up.â
i hadnât noticed him, or at least not noticed him following me. when we stopped outside a grocery store, he stopped half a block back and loitered. the woman linked her arm with mine and walked me several blocks out of her way to my front door and made sure i got inside safely.
another time, nocigar and i were walking home and at a stoplight a stranger grabbed my arm when i wouldnât respond to him and tried to physically drag me over to him. sheâwho is, by the way, not a very physically imposing girlâripped his hand off my arm and snarled, âdonât fucking touch her.â
protect your friends. protect strangers. there are good men in the world, but donât wait for them to do something if you can do it yourself.
I was at a club once and my friend left with her boyfriend so I finished my drink and was heading out to the parking lot when three girls came up to me and basically surrounded me.Â
âThose guys behind us were talking about following you. We can walk with you.âÂ
I have MMA training but have never in my life had been offered the protection and sanction of my own gender. This is so important.Â
GIRL CODE. FUCKINâ GIRL CODE. LEAVE NO GIRL BEHIND. EVER.