End of All Things

Well quick rundown of the last few years... 

I graduated undergrad a semester early and as a double major. (tbt to my sad i’m never gonna get into college post)

I got into law school and moved up to DC! Kinda wanna drop out, kinda in debt and don’t wanna be a giant disappointment/ fuck up / joke.

I finally met a guy where there were instant fireworks. For a moment I thought he felt the same way... but then he proceeded to ghost me and caused me to unravel faster and harder than I’ve ever unraveled.

Actually, EVERY guy I’ve talked to or went on dates within the past two years has ghosted me! (except one guy who was kinda stalkerish that I had to excommunicate but only because he called me at work 23 times then proceeded to call me on his friend’s phone after a month of talking) Even though the only one I truly was head over heels for was buttface in #3. I guess I look better in pictures and my personality is complete trash. As a person still learning to separate opinion of men and my opinion of myself. So yah, you could say my current self-esteem rivals my high school self-esteem. Which is pretty pathetic at 23 and is starting to create a fear of intimacy. So s/o to men for traumatizing me!!

I lost 25 pounds! I am at my high school weight again which is crazy. I feel like I look so much better.

I am in Africa as I type this. (thx to law school and jackass in 3 for the mental breakdown where I decided I should just run away to Africa for the summer with only a week worth of planning. 

I’ve traveled to Europe, Asia, and Africa so far in the past 2 years!!! I’ve visited Dubai, Amsterdam, Paris, London, Zanzibar/Tanzania. Which is crazy because before 22 I had only been to Canada. 

I still have my best friends from sophomore year which is crazy because I feel like everyone leaves. Lowkey, I think they’re a lot more withdrawn lately but I think it's in my head and they are just busy adulting and I’m being a baby. 

I got diagnosed with ADHD which explains my whole mess of a life.

I met Niall and Brendon Urie (!!!!) I also saw Green Day, PartyNextDoor, Post Malone, Shawn Mendes and the Weeknd. I also have tickets to see Hamilton, Taylor Swift and Arctic Monkey. I think I lost weight because I stop spending money on food and started using it to fill the void in my life with concert tickets.

And here’s a little bonus I haven’t told a soul: My mom unexpectedly lost her job last week and here I am wasting money on an Africa trip interning with a non-profit. My mom brought home most of the money and I just feel like my world is crashing down on me and I need to keep it together for my family. For my siblings. Yet all I really ever am is a giant burden. But life goes on and I can’t focus on my trip anymore, I just wanna go home.