Cheyla

#baby boy was so nervous#this is Ilya's wtf are you doing man moment a la Shane's suit mirror moment fyi#i think people like to characterize Ilya as this like confident dom top god from the start#(it's because they forget that Shane saying he's a sex god in his perspective in the books is just that a perspective not like hard fact)#and because they fall for Ilya's projected exterior and the narrative foil he's represented in as Ilya Rozanov the hockey star#but I always come back to this scene and some of Ilya's microexpressions in their first hookup shortly after#boy was flying by the seat of his pants#he has his experience with Sasha and maybe a handful of other people and he is running with it#they are both 19 here#Ilya is crushing so hard on Shane#he just hides it better beneath bravado#Ilya is a baby just like Shane#their first time reads as hot because they are so fucking into each other#and they are so sweet to each other#and they are both willing to be a bit awkward and vulnerable#let ilya rozanov be the young adult who is nervous and so into the boy he met in a saskatchewan parking lot#let him be both more experienced than Shane and yet still capable of being fucking terrified and nervous#stop trying to objectify him into this perfect in control sex god at 19#that's what everyone else narratively is already doing to him#it's why he goes for that bravado cocky mask#because it's what they all want and expect#stop falling for it#it's so much more fun#i have again started a meta on media literacy and character analysis in the tags i fear#i am both sorry and yet at the same time apparently all of my AP English and college comparative humanities classes were so worthwhile?#and i say this as a person with an Eng degree#but watching some people talk about Ilya is driving me to want to send everyone back to 12th grade English#heated rivalry#ilya rozanov (@justtellher)