it's my dirk in a box

will immediately order six tubs of Hasbro™ Confetti sprinkles multi-coloured Play-Dough™ to be delivered to your house at the next post.

They’re simultaneously

Deeply dystopian/absurdist, in that ‘Straight out of a satirical near-future scifi novel’ way we all love so much

I’m not going to lie here, really oddly or maybe not-so-oddly alluring to someone who is very disorganised and struggles to keep on top of daily life skills

Somehow still weirdly broken, even for that - eg the one for toilet paper can’t be used to order a normal amount of toilet paper; you have to order 48 rolls at a time. And I have never, ever been able to form a model in my head of a person who runs out of Hasbro™ Confetti sprinkles multi-coloured Play-Dough™ so often and so urgently that they need a button to push as soon as it’s getting low. I want to be clear here that you can’t order regular Play-Dough™ with the button; it is only the confetti sprinkles variety. Yet presumably someone must have bought one of these at one point. I want to find that person and ask them a lot of questions.

Other things you can order with an Amazon Dash button:

Mentos

Organic Raw Virgin Coconut Oil

“Eyebrow cleanser”, which I didn’t know was a thing until just now

Black shoe polish

Nerf darts