The Last Lasagna

it probably feels good as hell to sexually climax from genital stimulation

you're mommy's good little printer aren't you? you'll print whatever mommy tells you to because otherwise mommy gets sad and leaves you for one of those free use library printer sluts

mommy needs you to print this document now and if you don't mommy is going to turn you off at the wall

listen to mommy okay? if you don't be a good little printer and fucking print my document and i know you want to okay mommy can see it in your print queue if you don't. print. my fucking document. mommy's going to get the hammer

It’s so funny to me that soccer games can end with a score of 0-0 like imagine going to see a soccer game and both teams just run around the field for 90 minutes doing absolutely nothing and nobody scores any points and at the end of the 90 minutes they’re like well. Guess that’s that. Great soccer game guys.

nobody better say a goddamned word against Elizabeth Taylor in front of me, is all I can say. She fought this fight before it was popular, before it was acceptable, even before people knew it WAS a fight. She didn’t care if it made people think less of her. She fought it.

well, no, i didn’t expect leopards to eat my face, but this obviously wasn’t what the leopards eating people's face party wanted. they were stifled by their opposition and bureaucratic red tape! i think we should give more power to the leopard eating face party, so the leopards only eat the faces of people who deserve it. plus they just put a new leopard in charge of the face eating, and i think this one really brings something new to the table. so yes i'm voting for the leopards eating people's face party again. why wouldn't i.

about to say something mean but i feel like every "male-specific" issue is something that also happens to women its just that a lot of you dont seem to see women as people

women are also feeling lonely and alienated from communities en masse women are also expected to stifle their mental health for the sake of perfomance at work, in relationships, for children ect women are also expected to work extremely hard to maintain a perfect body and perfect health and are punished for being fat/having hair loss/having health issues especially those that affect ones sex life women are also insecure women are also neglected by parents and teachers and authority figures women are also scrutinized for having emotions and punished for not meeting the gendered expectations of our class and expected to climb upwards and overcompensate while being punished for signs of poverty and we get the added bonus on top of, yknow, being women. your emotional issues are not a Crisis Attacking Manhood theyre the way our society is fucking built you just dont see women as people

Gonna chill out the rest of May and then change my entire life in June. Possibly July if that doesn't work out. Certainly no later than September or October.

one time in college i was in a creative writing class and this guy was holding up the critique with what i can only describe as like cinemasins dinging another student's writing. and at some point the professor said "the plot is the fork and the prose is the meal. you are critiquing the taste of the fork"

I think if zoidberg moved into bikini bottom he wouldnt look out of place at all i wouldnt even notice him there

I like how polite he is because he isnt intruding but curious somewhat

He can't afford a Krabby Patty.