sanctuary

Got bootlace code and hanky code confused for a second & tried to remember what yellow laces mean & thought to myself "piss? No"

What has absolutely no precedent though is that my second thought was "killed a taxi driver"

there are calcified layers of shame in my soul that you could carbon date like rock strata

i wish a songwriter wouljd be brave enough to write about the unexplored topic of having a fun night at the club

what is it about drinks that is so tantalising... boba tea with all the sexy toppings.... iced coffy.... new flavour of iced tea or sparkling water u never tried before... milked shake the childhood favourite.... smoothie for vitality and strength..... and let's not forget about coca cola!!!

It's the sugar. It's addictive

when you open task maanager and the cpue is at like 89 percent and then it shoots down to a single digit its like. what the fuck are you hiding. what are you doing whuile my back is turned

youre not going to believe what object dislodged itself from the ceiling and began its descent to the floor, creating a loud meaty shlap sound upon impact, waking me up in the tender hours of the night

As chair of the wizard- [PARRIES A SPELL] As chair of the wizard counc- [PARRIES A DIFFERENT SPELL] As chair of the wizard council, I- [PARRIES A DIFFERENT SPELL] As chair of the wizard council I think staffs should be illegal during these meetings.

oh i thought this was the staff meeting

I feel so mature sleeping w my tv turned off

What if i put a curse on you lol

Don't even joke about that it isn't funny.

what is that thing

id walk the maze barefoot and find the minoutaur and all id do was hold his hand and lead him out into sunlight

donkey kong fuck hut

To protect you from the lego monsters

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*