[REDACTED] @chatoyantailurophile - Tumblr Blog

If you're having trouble laying eggs, try eating some fertilityberries.

#literally laying eggs rn but it’s some wet bullshit #maybe if I had berries it would be one nice big one #with a firm shell #eutrophication

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fluffysheeple

christian bad driver: my guardian angel watches over me, I don't need to look before I merge

atheist bad driver: I will rely on my own skill to see myself safely home after a mere 8 drinks

agnostic bad driver: no one knows where all these dents and scratches came from

gryffon

conven1encestorewoman

*looking in the mirror* You are not morrissey. You are a friendly, charming, driven young woman. Not morrissey. Do not think, "I am morrissey"

nouveau-riche-princess

Has anyone considered using a bottle opener on the rim of a glass? I've outlined some of the benefits below:

Fucks the cup up and ruins it forever

Gets glass everywhere

Breaks the glass incorrigibly

Cuts you through several potential vectors

Let me know when you've had time to review my proposal.

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despazito

clayjokes

The police pull my lifeless body from a lake but I’m wearing the funniest hat they’ve ever seen and they can’t stop laughing and keep dropping me back into the water

b33tl3b0y

homunculus let out into the yard for a few minutes of recreational getting thrown from the roof time

mangonetics

She took the sprockets to my steam machine she doin too much

twosmall

i didnt oil my wingnut i just swooped and geared up

#horatio digby

yasfera2-deactivated20220905

mortimermcmirestinks

every fucking time I see this I miss the "7 month old" part, then when I see the image I fucking lose it. god fucking dammit

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doggosource

flipchild

He’s actually bad ass

flipchild

So awesome I love him

flipchild

So awesome I love him 💝

flipchild

So nice you see him twice

flipchild

This goes hard he’s actually awesome

femmchantress

I don’t care if Monday’s yuck

Tuesday, Wednesday tread through muck

Thursday maybe eat a duck

It’s Friday, Flat as Fuck

t4timekeeper

cutecipher

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

b1tchcup

my favorite tweet ever. Every time I go to find it I’m blown away by how few retweets it has

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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the-real-jotchua

An eye for an eye means a good time to invest in the eyepatch industry

hackedalien-deactivated20150201

World Population : 7,810,521,683

just in case somebody start feelin too important

bulbahaur-deactivated20160607

7,810,521,682 and me

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