𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆

          “ i don’t know. it’s school , and i suck at school. if i was smart , i wouldn’t have to be so negative ! ” there it was –– cruz’s inlying self hatred. it came out in sarcasm most of the times , but moments like this were the only ones where he was truly vocal about how he felt. “ stability and security. ” he says plainly , shrugging his shoulders. “ i grew up poor. my dad had pretty much nothing until he married my step dad. i’m not saying money buys happiness or anything , but my dads life totally changed , and so did mine. ” he sighs , shrugging his shoulders. “ ideally , i would be doing something that makes me happy and is stable but what am i gonna do with a guitar and some mediocre singing skills ? ” charlie just made him very transparent , he had nothing to hide around her. 

it took everything in charlie to not let out a frustrated groan as she heard cruz go on about his distaste for school and his unmovable belief that he was not and was never going to be smart. deciding to take a deep breath instead and clicking her pen, she looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "just because school isn't your thing doesn't mean you're stupid. i mean, school wasn't albert einstein's thing. was he stupid?" she looked away, then twisted her mouth to the side when he affirmed that the latter was more important to him before shrugging and nodding. "okay then," she began, "first of all, i don't think your singing is mediocre, and how about... music business? that's a major." it was clear there was no way charlie was going to let the topic die quickly.

“That is annoying, I’m sorry for you” she agreed once she finally listened to the girl and her issue. Hearing Charlie’s question she couldn’t help but start giggling, “Well, I smoked a whole blunt… Before you say anything I rolled it thinking my friend was going to come over to smoke, then they cancelled so I said ‘well I can’t just let it go’“ she shrugged. 

charlie raised her eyebrows before quickly lowering them again as a response to stassi’s affirmation, taking another sip of her coffee and poking around at her sushi. once she heard her best friend had smoked a whole blunt, she widened her eyes, “a whole blunt?” she shook her head and laughed dryly, half pissed off and half not surprised. “you know, you could’ve just saved it for later. or another time.”

                 “ this is a waste of time. ” he sighs dramatically as he says it , as if the only reason he was passing wasn’t charlie. in truth , he was smart but he just learned differently. “ why do you have to be so positive and ––– ugh , i don’t know. ” he sighs again , resting his against the table on top of the book he had finally closed. “ no , but my step dad is in business and i’d have a job and it pays good and i’d be well off and it would be fine. i can handle it intellectually. it’s where my life is heading. ” it’s only heading that way because cruz has no confidence in himself , shocker. “ happy ? no. but what i’m happy doing i ––– i don’t know , charlie. ” 

“it’s not,” she said, giving cruz a look. charlie scoffed, furrowing her brows and shrugging, “i don’t know, why are you so negative? because quite frankly, i’m over it.” charlie chewed her bottom lip, deciding whether or not to speak on what he said -- it would seem foolish and rude to claim that money wasn’t an issue, because what did she know? charlie never had to worry about money, and she would never have to. choosing her next words carefully, she opened her mouth again, speaking slowly, “well, what’s important to you? happiness and passion or stability and security?”

                HE SIGHS , shaking his head at the comment. “ i’m dropping out. i hate school. i’m stupid and that just makes school harder. ” he’s ready to stop studying and then her last sentence comes out , and he picks his pen back up and opens his book back up. “ oh , nope , we’re getting back to algebra. ” he would probably rather throw himself into the sun then keep up with algebra , but he also hated whenever charlie tried to talk some damn sense into him. “ ugh. ” he shuts the book again , playing with the pen between his fingers. “ look. i don’t know what i want to do with my life. i told you i’m going to major in business next yet. ” cruz was a lot of things , but a business major wasn’t one of them. “ is that not good enough ? ” 

she raised her eyebrows and shook her head. “you’re not stupid,” she promised, making eye contact with cruz, “so stop using that as an excuse. as a matter of fact, stop making excuses period. they’re a waste of time.” charlie rolled her eyes when he tried to stop them from talking about the important topic at hand. she shrugged, “are you passionate about business? would you be happy if that’s what you ended up doing for the rest of your life? like, is that totally okay with you? be real.”

Stassi let out a little laugh hearing her friends comeback to her question, “You’re right, you’re right, sorry. I might have smoked a bit too much before coming on this lunch date with you, and all I can think about is how dumb interesting their conversation is” she joked looking over at her friend. “Okay, now I will listen, finish telling me about… whatever you were saying” she said dipping her head towards the other girl as she sipped on her drink.

charlie furrowed her brows and laughed before shrugging, twirling the straw around in its cup, “it’s not important. just my professor being a moron, but eh, that’s not unusual.” she sighed turning her attention to the group of boys again, observing them and their body language and how their patterns of speech seemed to be. she raised her eyebrows and turned back to stassi, “stas, how much did you smoke?”

Stassi sat at lunch looking over at a group of boys, she knew were labeled as fuck boys, she knew the other person was talking to her but she wasn’t listening to them, maybe because she was high, or maybe because she wasn’t very interested. Not turning her head she started, “Sorry, to cut you off about, uh-what you were talking about. But what do you think they talk about?” she asked, “Like I’ve always wondered what boys like that talk about with each other? Do you think they just sit around and gossip about girls all day?” she asked taking a sip of her drink. 

charlie was about four minutes into her rant about her mass media law professor when noticed stassi’s attention was not on her but on some group of boys nearby. she was about to scoff and roll her eyes and say “who cares?” when the thought had actually begun infecting her own brain. charlie turned to look at them, sipping on her iced coffee and furrowing her eyebrows, “probably. they most likely just talk about the same things we do. i don’t think we’re all that different.” charlie shrugged and turned back to her friend, grinning knowingly at her. “i don’t know, they probably at least listen to each other. oh my god, maybe you could take notes!” she teased.

     PAPERS ARE SCATTERED AROUND KADE, giving the illusion of work getting done — practically all the contents of his backpack are dumped on his side of the table, as charlie works diligently across from him. she’s a much better student in the sense that she has the drive to get her work done, whilst kade had given up on his macroeconomics homework in favor of playing an intense game of hearthstone on his computer. he can’t even give the illusion of caring about his work, which seems to be piling up by the minute. but charlie’s little exclamation gets his attention, as heavy brows lift as he peels his eyes off his screen and onto her smiling face. his countenance crinkles in remorse as chocolate optics flick to his backpack. it’s a sad sight to see, hunched over and empty, but he shrugs. “ is it cool if it’s a pencil, dude ? ” he starts to lean over to rummage through his backpack, trying to find one that wasn’t chewed on and could at least pass for a pencil instead of a worn out nub. “ i don’t know about you, but the way that you can’t erase pens kind of freaks me out. like, i need to be able to cover up any mistakes. also, it might be a little chewed on… ”

charlie’s face fell when she took notice of kade’s messy surroundings, slowly pushing their way into her space. she scooted her chair back ever so slightly, pushing them back over towards his side of the table before she exhaled deeply and reluctantly took grasp of the pencil, mumbling, “it’ll do, thanks.” -- she hated pencils. charlie tried to abstain from frowning but couldn’t help it as she scrawled her annotation down, then placing the pencil back down near his things as soon as he was done. she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms when she took notice of kade playing around on his computer, defiantly quirking an eyebrow. “you’re taking someone else’s spot, you know,” she claimed, “why come here if you’re not gonna do anything?” 

closed for @charlics​ !

                CRUZ WASN’T SKILLED IN ACADEMICS , which was why he needed to change majors. he needed something besides english 2 and intro to humanities. he was pulling his hair out. however , he was getting by , perhaps only because he decided to get a tutor. he’s in his dorm with charlie , gently banging his head again his small desk. “ charlie , what if i just drop out ? this is so hard i ––– ” she was the perfect tutor for him , she knew her way around cruz’s brain even when he didn’t. “ can we take a break , please ? ” 

charlie took a deep breath as she prepared to go over the same topic with cruz as she just had moments before her attention was diverted to the statement he had made. she chuckled and threw her head back, shaking it and pulling her knee up to her chest and giving him a look, “you’re not dropping out, cruz. don’t even think about that.” looking at him again, she shrugged and rubbed her eyes, putting her pen down -- charlie had to admit, even she was a little tired. “yeah,” she agreed, “yeah, we can take a break... only if we can discuss how necessary it is for you to change majors.”

@charlics​ REACTED FOR A STARTER .

SITTING AROUND IS something momo doesn’t normally do. but with charlie ?? it’s looking to become a regular occurrence. not that momo would take that as is. “ look, i know it’s a weekday and, as usual, you have work to do or whatever.. but.. ” momo sits up from her lounging position. “ don’t you ever wanna go out ?? there’s always something to do around here, y’know. ”

charlie couldn’t help but chuckle and roll her eyes when momo started poking fun at her, propping herself on her elbow and turning so the two were facing each other. charlie sighed, raising an eyebrow, “hm, sometimes. and when i want to, i do.” she quickly turned back over onto her stomach to her textbook and piped up again, “you know, you’re always welcome to go out. like you said, ‘there’s always something to do around here.’”

Willa was studying, as usual. This time it was compressors. The hardest dynamic processor she’s ever known. “Ugh” she groaned in frustration, not really getting what the book said. She was desperate, needed to have the material ingrained in her head. Maybe that way she would learn faster. She was sitting on a red couch, legs in an Indian position, nose stuck to the big green book. It took her a while to realize someone was watching her. “hi,” she said back, “oh.., yeah I think so, hold on.” Willa picked up her backpack from the floor, next to the couch and looked for a pen she could lend to the other. She found lots of crippled paper and some textbooks, besides her earphones. And, at the bottom of the backpack, she found a pen. “Yeah, here you go. I’m pretty sure it still works, but if it doesn’t, I’m really sorry,” she chuckled a little as she handed the black pen to the other girl. She’d seen her before, she was part of the squad, but they never really talked. Although, Willa thought she was pretty cool.

charlie shook her head and grinned in appreciation, reaching out to grasp the tool the girl had bestowed. “thank you,” she sighed, going to scribble the absolutely not groundbreaking thought that had entered her brain just moments before. there seemed to be a little ink left in willa’s pen when charlie scrawled down her annotation but it was surely going to be pretty much gone by the time she had finished. feeling a little guilty, charlie handed the pen back the one who graciously lent it to her, looking a little sheepish. “um, i think i used the last of your ink,” charlie told her, “i’m really sorry, i can get you, like, a whole new pack at the bookstore later.”

@𝓪𝔂𝔂𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓸 : man when DONT u have work to do smh …. @𝓪𝔂𝔂𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓸 : no… i have alcohol, duh @𝓪𝔂𝔂𝓶𝓸𝓶𝓸 : but still !! i can keep you company while you do ur work on the roof !!

@charlieedalton: sis

CHARLIE DALTON’S INFINITE PLAYLIST

1. PEACH ;; kevin abstract

“ hands made me take two sips // all the things that i couldn’t do // the cops come and we dip, baby // back when we was just friends, baby // shit man, you was just a baby ”

2. OCEANS ;; lauren sanderson

“ swear i’m not depressed, it’s just kinda late // i promise i’ll be good in the morning when i wake // i promise i’ll be good even if it’s kinda fake // cause faking is what makes it easier to find your way ”

3. SUPER RICH KIDS ;; frank ocean

“ too many bottles of this wine we can’t pronounce // too many bowls of that green, no lucky charms // the maids come around too much // parents ain’t around enough ”

4. RIBS ;; lorde

“ this dream isn’t feeling sweet // we’re reeling through the midnight streets // and i’ve never felt more alone // it feels so scary, getting old ”

5. PAN!C ;; audrey mika

“ if i step to the right, i might lose my whole life // i’m up way too high, a tightrope of feelings // just gotta breathe, like i’m part of the sea // ‘cause i am not okay ”

6. EVENING NEWS ;; laundry day

“ is it okay if i run away? // is it okay if i don’t know what to say? // is it okay if i need to complain? // can’t see you tomorrow, can i see you today? ”

7. XANNY ;; billie eilish

“ what is about them? // i must be missing something // they just keep doing nothing // too intoxicated to be scared ”

8. LOST ;; frank ocean

“ lost, lost in the heat of it all // girl, you know you’re lost // lost in the thrill of it all ”

9. PROM ;; sza

“ promise to get a little // better as i get older // and you’re so patient // and sick of waitin’ // promise to do better ”

10. GET WELL SOON ;; ariana grande

“ they say my system is overloaded // girl, what’s wrong with you? come back down // i’m too much in my head, did you notice? // girl, what’s wrong with you? come back down ”

11. IF I BELIEVE YOU ;; the 1975

“Yeah, I mean, they’re so fuckin’ easy to quit,” Beck replies, edging on dryly, but his grin is as mega-watted as ever as he shrugs one shoulder, “You used to have, like, at least two lighters on you at all times, remember?” There are plenty more memories he can reminisce on, but he has enough sense to know, at least, that it isn’t the best subject to press with Charlie anymore. Things were different then, and years have passed since they were anything more than, distantly, members of the same clique. “No, m’not smoking fuckin’ crack, Charlie, Jesus… Listen, it’s whatever. I’ll bum one off someone else.” 

charlie raised her eyebrows and grinned, “ funny guy! ” her smile quickly faltered when beck brought up something reminiscent of the past the two shared, shifting her weight. clearing her throat, charlotte sighed, “ yeah, well, a lot’s changed since then. we’re not exactly sneaking out of over-the-top extravagant dinner parties to go get shitfaced or baked off our asses anymore, are we? ” charlie chuckled dryly, smiling again, but it was not like the grin she donned before. this one was aged, darker, cynical, and it reminded her that her previous statement was right: they weren’t teenagers misplaced in new york’s elite society anymore.  “ you don’t have your own? ”

blue knew the all too familiar look that was radiating off of charlie.   it was usually her that was feeling like that !   but thankfully,   for just this one week,   her homework was actually fun to do.   she might not be saying that for awhile,   so she’ll soak as much of this up as she can   ─   happily focusing on her own research regarding racial discrimination & well - being during adolescence in regards to elevated rates of depression,   brain shrinkage & connective changes…   honestly she’s eating it up.   she didn’t even need her earbuds to block out those around her,   perfectly fine with a little background noise as she consumed the article.   though she made sure to look up to check on the other girl from time to time;   call it an instinct as their eyes met.   ( the instinct which turned out to be perfect timing ! )   laugh escaped her as she nodded her head.   ❛   you’re never a bother,   baby.   of course i got a pen for you.   ❜   reaches quickly into her bag before handing the tool over towards her.   ❛   seems like you’re having loads of fun & killing the game,   as always.   ❜

charlie offered blue a grateful and sheepish grin as she reached out to grasp what her friend was graciously offering. “ thank you, ” she sighed, quickly scrawling down the annotation. afterward, her face fell a little bit as she was hit with another wave of helplessness when it came to editing and making commentary on this godforsaken article; charlotte couldn’t help but not only feel frustrated with the article itself but the fact that she felt frustrated at all. this stuff came easy to her, didn’t it? it should have. it usually did. charlie looked back at blue and shook her head, chuckling in response and rubbing her eyes, “ the game seems to be killing me. ” she quirked an eyebrow at blue, observing her endeavors. “ you actually seem to be killing the game, though. what are you up to? you seem to be really focused. i envy you, ” she claimed, only half-joking.