Wall of Rote Meta under cut bahahahaha
see the thing to me about the whole "sex is not important and Fitz does not and never has wanted the Fool sexually, their bond is more interesting/deep/straight/[insert additional adjective here] than that" take is that yeah like that's a perfectly valid reading and there IS a lot of great discussion in this series about how sex ≠ love and you don't need sex to make love true, but the other thing is that Fitz is lying. Like he's straight up lying to the readers and he isn't doing it particularly convincingly. He tells us he's an enormous liar and that the truth is subjective all the time. It's glaringly obvious when you begin to look for it that he wants Beloved sexually AND spiritually AND romantically AND emotionally. It's woven throughout the entire fabric of the story of ROTE as a whole. It's scattered throughout all nine Fitz books if you dive even a modicum deeper into the text than Fitz's (often purposefully evasive) blanket statements on the matter, ones, I might add, that he usually makes in moment of intense anger or severe emotional overwhelm, and later actively regrets.
He expresses lifelong dissatisfaction with his non-Skilled and even non-emotionally connected sexual experiences and cites them as not being "close enough to be a singular being and swept away." And at the points he does that, he's already been with Beloved in that Skill capacity (several times over). He knows exactly what he's talking about. He knows precisely what he's missing out on.
Even when it comes to the quarrel, I have always found his wording extremely telling: "I could never... do you understand me?" Not will not ever. COULD never. He can't desire Beloved as a bed partner, not won't. There is too much at stake for him if he admits this shameful and atypical desire to anyone, let alone himself. Too much to face head on, too much to grapple with, too much to lose. Too much that challenges his already precariously gripped identity. Too much that shifts his worldview. Too much stake placed on one single individual, an individual he can never hope to have a conventional life with, an individual he feels he can never possibly hope to understand in their fullness.
And yet whenever Fitz's barriers are broken down the most, whenever he finds himself most stripped bare and vulnerable, he DOES want Beloved. He finds Beloved attractive. He longs for closeness with him. He desires a child with Beloved, longs to raise a baby together to the point that THAT is the seduction Ilistore uses to try and win him over, mimicking "his" Beloved and projecting their similar appearances to entice Fitz further.
And I know it's a big joke that everyone thought TB and LG were fucking but I think that also goes to show just how unreliable Fitz is being with us because if every single person who has ever encountered those two together goes, "huh, they have GOT to be fucking," chances are they were getting that impression not just from a single party. In fact, the chances are great that Fitz was actually projecting that attraction in equal measure to Beloved, he just simply refused to recognize/acknowledge his role in it (a thing that is extraordinarily in character for him to do. He loved to downplay his own role in all manner of occurrences.)
He initiates almost all the affectionate physical touch he shares with Beloved, kisses his face, wipes his tears, comforts him, holds him, protects him, feels great possession over him, wants him near, admires his beauty, and is jealous for his time and undivided attention. None of those things equate to sexual desire. But it's well worth noting that he wants Beloved in an all-consuming and all-encompassing way that doesn't feel like the way he has wanted other people, because he knows Beloved in ways he has never known other people.
Their Skill link carries undeniably erotic undertones, by virtue of Fitz's own narration. I think it's so much more nuanced than "Fitz says he doesn't want Beloved sexually so he doesn't want him sexually." Ask yourself what Fitz stands to lose if he admits to himself those desires. Ask yourself if Fitz even had the context for what those desires might truly entail. Ask yourself what fears Fitz might harbor in regards to obtaining and then almost certainly losing that sort of love due to Beloved disappearing again. Ask yourself why, in Fitz's most private moments, it's the Fool he wants. Why in his most vulnerable states, it's the Fool's bed he seeks comfort in, quite literally, alongside the Fool's company. There is symbolism there, whether authorially intended or not.
