Separatism does not only mean; drop everything and fuck off to a cabin in the woods full of lesbians. You can embrace smaller versions of it. Only have female roommates, have female only camping trips (or trips somewhere where you can avoid men entirely), demand female doctors and therapists. There are so many ways to take men out of parts of your life, even if itâs something as small as only listening to female musicians, podcasts, etc. Too many women think it must be this grand gesture that they want nothing to do with. You can partake of separatism in small ways. Itâs not going to hurt you, I promise.
This! You can center women even though full separatism might not be a viable option for you.
The current tendency to defang feminist separatism is worrying me a bit. The focus on doing âsmall thingsâ rather than the âgrand gestureâ that I keep seeing on many posts trying to appeal to the women who love men. I think Iâve been guilty of that myself.
Separatism actually does mean separating from men in every way and completely dropping out of heterosexual institutions. It is radical, it is life changing. It is a revolutionary movement. Such massive changes can be intimidating at first but that doesnât mean you should settle for small.
I donât think this post is about settling, itâs about how to start/how to reasonably take the steps that are accessible to you, and about how even women who are not interested in full separatism can actively make choices that decenter men, and improve womenâs quality of life.
If every single woman today chose to only see female OBs, and did nothing else to move towards separatism, many womenâs lives would still be drastically changed. The system would still be changed.
An 80 year old Catholic woman who isnât going to leave her 45 year marriage may still decide to only see female doctors if the benefits are talked about. An 18 year old girl leaving for college may not cut contact with her dad, or refuse to take tuition money from him, but she may decide she only wants to take classes with female professors, or stay in a womenâs only building, if she is given that opportunity. A mom isnât going to âdecenterâ her male children from her life, but she might leave her porn addict husband and decide to stop dating men, if that option is destigmatized and she is told her comfort is a good enough reason to leave. A highschool girl may not stop having male friends, but if she decides that she is setting a boundary and not allowing those males into her home, she is already making a difference in how safe she is.
Telling little girls itâs ok to only read books by women means the creation of a new generation of women who havenât been programed to accept how male authors dehumanize and belittle them. Telling little girls itâs ok to only play with girls, or to want to be in girls only sports means the creation of a new generation of women who have stronger bonds with each other, trust each other more, love each other better. Telling little girls itâs ok to request female doctors and therapists means the creation of a new generation of women who may be saved from medical sexual abuse and sometimes fatal medical misogyny.
I wouldnât call these things âseparatismâ per say because I understand to some extent how that can water down an ideology that is inherently more radical and more complete, but Iâd definitely say those small acts of decentering are also important, and can also improve womenâs quality of life. A more strict, radical ideology is not going to bring in every single woman (though it SHOULD exist and WILL appeal to a portion of the population, and with stigma around it removed a much larger portion) but small acts of decentering can be done by every single woman, and may actually make very large positive impacts on their lives.
Almost everyone would benefit from, for example, brushing their teeth every day, but Iâd still rather everyone was able to brush them once a week than that some people just didnât touch them at all, if thatâs a fair comparison.
Almost everyone would benefit from running every single day, but Iâd rather everyone be encouraged to at least walk half an hour than feel like if they arenât running they may as well be on their ass. Some of those people who start out walking when they see it encouraged will end up running marathons.
Sometimes itâs the small, more âreasonableâ steps that are a closer fit with the worldview someone is comfortable with that lift them closer to the end goal than telling them that they arenât doing enough would lift them. And even if they only take the small steps, itâs better than no steps.
I say all of this as a woman who, besides my son and my kids father I legally am required to coparent with, has almost fully removed men from my life to the extent which that is possible in the modern day (I still have situations outside of my control like prevalence of male ER physicians over female meaning in emergencies I have to give up my physical safety and health into mens hands, general media focus on male opinions, subconscious social programing, etc). I have no male friends, no relationship with male family members due to their misogyny, I work in fields which actively center women and girls, I had only female college professors, I have only female doctors, a female therapist (more specifically a lesbian feminist therapist who works private practice and only sees female clients). I read works by female authors, listen to other womenâs ideas, have fantastic deep bonds of trust and support with female family and friends, go to a womenâs art class for community building and enjoyment of our craft.
I fully appreciate the value of separatism. I wish womyns lands were more common, more accessible, more protected. I wish female only medical practices, dental practices, secular colleges, trade schools, art schools, etc. were a choice for every woman. I wish women were born into female safety and female community as the default, and not questioned on their decision to center their sisters over their oppressors.
While those goals are still being fought for, I think itâs pretty wonderful that there are women (Even female children. Even non-feminists. Even women who donât know what separatism means) out there every single day making small choices that help to remove some thorns of patriarchy from their lives, or that grant them deeper bonds with each other.
Tldr; small acts of decentering are not separatism, but they are still important and should be encouraged, and itâs pretty damn cool that women are doing them even when every single part of their social programing tells them those things are not allowed




























