Building separatism

Pros:

while trying to unpack a box yesterday evening, I noticed the sunset outside is stunning red and purple. I got out and climbed up the hill, then watched the sun set behind the mountain. Pleasant breeze was blowing, I was in comfy clothing, sitting on the grass; I didn't know it was possible to feel that good. I believe I achieved the best feeling a human can experience.

This morning I found out my potatoes actually came out of the soil! They were covered with hay so they're very pale but alive! And two tiny weak tomato plants are struggling to get sun. I have a garden you gyns!!

I learned to use the sickle; I did a lot of wrong movements but never got hurt. Using it right is soo satisfying. Since I'm holding all the grass I cut in my hand, I was able to pick out all the flowers, and make a beautiful bouqet for my kitchen with mint, yarrow and thistle. It smells so good.

My lemon tree is doing great, looks amazing in the sun.

The weather is so good right now, it might rain so we are getting clouds, breeze and overcast moments, such a good rest from the heat wave.

Cons:

Since I packed clothing and kitchen stuff together, in order to unpack I actually need to put together the entire kitchen, so I can put my stuff in the cupboards. Putting a kitchen together required for me to get rid of a couch, clean under the linoleum, and arrange the stoves and furniture. Even if that sounds like 3 tasks it turned into many.

I found animal feces behind the couch. Cleaned that first. No clue what animal. Didn't look healthy.

I stuffed the bad couch into the pigsty, cleaned the frame to turn it into an extra bed and then started cleaning the cement floor under the linoleum. While I was cleaning I bumped into an open window with my head, pushed it out of its hinges and it fell on me

I saved the window by staying calm, grabbing it and putting it back. Didn't get hurt! But it was a shock.

I discovered I also had ants. Red ones. In my kitchen. Ah well. Everyone is welcome I guess.

Half of the linoleum is wet underneath. Might be my fault when I washed it last time. Oops. Its so bad I had to stop everything and leave to allow linoleum to dry. Its already starting to look moldy. I hope it dries.

Most of my clothing smells like mold so I can't just put it away, it needs to be exposed to sun to kill the mold. It's going to take weeks to cure it all.

Lots of plants didn't survive the move, got dried up or just damaged a lot. I'm helicoptering around them, moving them to shady or filtered-sun areas because they never saw direct sunlight, it could kill them. I hope they make it. This is a lot for them.

I tried to explore the attic, saw the floor is covered in wasp nests. Dipped out of there. I don't need to fix that one missing tile in the roof. Its fine. It rarely rains during summer.

Tried to fix the blinds, saw a live wasp nest filled with wasps. Ran away.

It wasn't a rodent, it was much bigger. The thing is I want to seal away the attic but in order to do that, I would need to go up there and the attic floor is covered in wasp nests. So I run away after a minute or so, as soon as I hear buzzing. I'm not sure how to fix that one big hole that goes from attic to kitchen, without spending lots of time with my wasp friends. And they might get,,, offended.

All my stuff is at my house, the plant lady helped me by move it by car. I've been packing for a week but still had to wake up at 4am to get it all finished and cleaned at the very last minute. Anxiety over stuff not fitting, forgetting to pack something or just how much there is to do, has been eating away at me for weeks.

Now I've packed, boxed, carried, stuffed, and dragged all the boxes, bags, tools and furniture in, I am done doing things. My stuff is here, I survived the move, everything is fine. I have my own cozy matress and I can sink into it indefinitely. I don't have to be anywhere, nobody is going to rush me, criticize me or tell me I need to unpack soon. I'm in my house and everything is here. I no longer have to get up.

Or, so I thought. As I've been happily typing this, I heard someone Open my Front Door and get In. I froze so bad, tried to imagine it was an animal, but then heard footsteps. My heart pounding in panic, I went to see whats going on, and as I was about to turn the corner I heard 'Well are you there?'

It was my beloved neighbour who I like, and who is welcome to my home, but to just open the door and get in is crazy behaviour. She said she grabbed the door handle to see if it was locked, because if it was locked it meant I wasn't here. It opened so she just proceeded to enter. I told her she scared me to death and I needed a minute to slow my heart rate down. First day in and I thought I was dealing with an axe murderer. I told her to knock the next time. I get scared of knocking too, but this? Way worse.

I sat down with my neighbour and we had a lovely chat, I was actually so pleased to receive a guest! I showed her my plants I took with me, and we compared gardening methods.

I had received, as a gift from the plant lady, a gas and a wood stove, so I'll be able to cook inside from now on, which is way more easy so I am feeling relaxed and happy about my survival prospects. Other people I left in the city also gifted me some groceries because they understood my plan was to just "wing it". So I'm actually doing great, even though nothing in my first garden sprouted, due to the dry weather.

I also had some emotional farewells in the city. A long term friend asked to see me one last time, and I wrote her a goodbye letter. We hugged so much and both left each other with gifts. Some people called me to wish me the best and ask if they can visit.

Hearing people say they'll miss me made me feel emotional too. Maybe people liked me more than I thought? I was touched and appreciated it. I feel I left on good terms with everyone and maybe people like me.

Now the first day is survived, I can dive into pure relaxation and enjoyment. Or so I think. The neighbour thinks I need to focus on fixing the hole in the ceiling and remove the wasp nests from my attic. I think these can wait indefinitely and I should just grow some plants in lil pots on my window, unpack one bag a week and be lazy and indulgent. And hey. It's my house.

I think it's safe for me to say because it's not on the market anymore. I was looking at houses costing about 6-8k euro, and only the long abandoned ones in very remote areas, you couldn't get a livable house for that. Most of them had big issues like walls cracking pretty bad, roofs starting to fall in, cracked foundations, not enough workable land, dried up well, water damage or insides in such bad state you couldn't possibly stay there.

The house I got was 10k, it was over my budget, but it had a functional well and good foundations and roof. The walls have issues but are not actively caving in. It has no plumbing, no kitchen or bathroom. I had to pawn stuff in order to get it but I'm happy with my decision.

More regular houses I've seen while looking were all over 30k so what I got is pretty rare! I imagine if you're an american and reading this, the numbers sound impossible and made up; I'm sorry your housing market is like that. And again, this only worked because the house was 10+ years abandoned, in a village where most of the population is dead or very old, and the house lacks pretty much everything.

I'm feeling emotional and incredibly lucky. I'm doing something women were banned from doing just a few generation ago. There's not a single female predecesor in my family who owned a house of her own. I'm the first one to do this.

A woman had to marry a m*n in order to just live in a house, and even then she was not in charge of how things are done. This was the forbidden power, to own land and a shelter and to shape it to your own desires. They didn't want us to have this.

If women could have owned houses like this, there would be far less need to marry or interact with m*n; you could just go to your house insted. The threat of poverty and starvation is also way less if there's land you can grow in; there's actions you can take at every moment to keep yourself taken care of, and none of them involve catering to any kind of male. When you're not dependent on them for survival, it also becomes way more obvious how much of a pest they are, and how much you don't want one loitering in your house.

Even now when it's all legal and allowed, I don't think I know another woman who's done this on her own. Women I know who purchased houses, did so with their spouses, with an intention to start a family. Other women just moved to properties owned by their parents, with spouses or without, or kept living in their family homes. Which is fine, of course! But they never got to experience this feeling of being absolutely in charge. An entire area under your sole control. You decide who walks in and who doesn't. Nobody to report to, zero need to explain yourself.

My garage door broke and in order to fix it, by city laws I had to buy a permit of intent to repair from the city, then I had to hire an architect to approve my proposed fix, a certified handyman to do the actual repair (it's illegal to fix your own stuff without going to college where I am), then pay an inspector to inspect the finished repair, and finally a city license to be allowed to throw away the pieces left over from the repair. And this was just for a repair, not to change the house or get a new garage door.

I know my city is one of the extremes, but even in the most lawless places in the US, you need a lot of permits to repair or build anything, and it's illegal to live in a house like you're doing.

Is Croatia really that different?

Anon I am ao sorry, that sounds like hell.

It is completely legal where I live; I am not allowed to build new big structures or a new house on the property, but I can do whatever I want to the existing one. Croatian people will sometimes build houses without permits then legalize them later.