C H A O S

M!Reader (Male)

Tyler Owens (Twisters)

Not His First Rodeo +

Two Scoops of Celebration

Alan Grant (Jurassic Park)

Good Boy +

FTM!Reader (Transgender Male)

Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)

Sex Ed

Finney Blake (The Black Phone 2)

High On Trust +

David 8 (Alien franchise)

Wet Dreams +

Walter 1 (Alien franchise)

At Your Command +

AFAB!Reader (Assigned Female at Birth)

John Walker (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

Just Another Mistake +

David 8 (Alien franchise)

A Pleasant Surprise +

Cobb Vanth (Star Wars)

Crawlin' Back to You +

“How humans reproduce, question?”

Grace’s head jerks backward with a tiny shake of disbelief. He adjusts his glasses and glances at the laptop screen to verify that what he had heard matches the words written in the translation box.

“Oh. Uh…That’s a pretty loaded question, Rock,” he says, “It’s kind of a private thing, really.”

“Explain.”

“Listen, I’m all for the exchange of knowledge here but don’t know if this is a very ‘safe for work’ conversation—“

“Grace being brat.”

“I’m not being a brat. And, now that you say that. I’m really starting to think I shouldn’t have taught you that word...” Grace clears his throat, arms crossing instinctively as he refocuses his argument. “Like we’ve discussed several times before—in ways that were very professional by the way, and not at all highlighting my insecurities—humans are very emotional creatures.”

“Leaky space blobs.”

“Exactly. And because we’re leaky space blobs who have big emotions and difficulty talking about them, we don’t really discuss ‘reproduction’ with anyone other than our mates. And our doctors, I guess.”

“Mary says you are doctor.”

“Yes, but not that kind of doctor.”

“You are school teacher. Teach Rocky.”

Grace lets out a long sigh. Rocky may be an extremely brilliant, several hundred year old engineer from another planet, but he’s just as stubborn and chock-full of curiosity as Grace’s students back on Earth. Only problem is Rocky doesn’t have the itty bitty attention span of a middle schooler. Once he has the desire to understand something, it’s hard to take his mind off of it.

“In the shortest, simplest of terms: boy meets girl, they do a weird little dance where the boy sticks part of his body inside the girl, and…” He makes a vague ‘explosion’ gesture with his right hand. “Y’know. Nine months later, the girl pushes a seven pound human baby out of her body.”

“Grace pushed out human baby, question?”

“What? No!” He says quickly. “I’m not a girl.”

“Grace is boy. Grace Friend is girl, question?”

“No, he’s also a boy. Man. We’re both men.”

“Men, question?”

“It’s what we call boys when they reach a certain age. Grown-up boys. Which, I should clarify, men reproduce. Not boys. If it were boys, it would be…not good.”

“Grace and Grace Friend cannot be mates because both are men.”

“Correct,” he affirms before catching himself. If color rises to his cheeks as he explains the next part, he tries not to dwell on the reason. “Okay, well, that’s actually—No. We could still ‘mate’ technically but we wouldn’t produce any offspring. At least, I’m pretty sure.”

“Rocky confused.”

“I don’t blame you. But trust me, pal, if I try to explain sex, gender, and the difference between reproductive sex and casual intercourse, we’re going to be here for hours. And I’ve already drank the rest of Ilyukhina’s vodka so I really don’t know if I have it in me to sub for Hail Mary Sex Ed.”

Rocky doesn’t say anything in return. While the Eridian doesn’t have eyes to stare right at him, Grace can’t help but feel like his counterpart is peering straight through to his soul. The mute judgement burns hotter than the astrophage in the Hail Mary’s engine.

“Fine,” he caves after an unbearably long moment of silence, “But if either of us throws up when we get to the miracle of childbirth, I don’t wanna hear any complaints.”

****

You’re in the midst of taking inventory of the ship’s rations when Grace returns from the tunnel. It isn’t unusual for there to be bags under his eyes but right now he’s looking particularly exhausted.

“How’s the neighbor?” You ask.

Grace collapses onto one of the rolling stools with a dramatic groan. Given the way his glasses are dangling from one ear, it’s a miracle they don’t topple onto the floor when he drops onto his rear full-force.

“Oh, y’know, good as one can be given the circumstances.”

“What’d you learn today?”

“Me? Not much. Him? More than he should have.”

You laugh. “What’d you guys talk about?”

“Well, believe it or not, our little stony crab rangoon-looking friend has taken a particular interest in learning about human biology and reproduction. Kinda weird, if you ask me. I mean, considering the fact that we have cool stuff like airplanes and wi-fi and Dr. Pepper, sex ed has gotta be like C-tier on the ranking of earthly knowledge.”

“You were teaching Rocky about sex?”

“Yup.”

“How much?”

“All of it.”

“All of it.” You blink back your astonishment. “Okay…and how did he react?”

Grace shrugs. “Surprisingly well. I mean, he asked way too many questions about the physical process of course. But he seemed genuinely curious. And hey, I would be too if I came from a planet where all life forms were hermaphrodites.”

“Right. And the reason for this discussion was…?”

“The pursuit of knowledge? I don’t know, man. He asked how humans reproduce so I gave him a really dumbed down boy-meets-girl storyline. But then he started asking about whether or not you and I could reproduce which brought up the topic of non-reproductive intercourse. And that, of course, led to talks about sex vs. gender and sexual orientation. And really it just kinda spiraled from there. You know how it goes.”

“Sorry, I’m stuck on the part where he asked if you and I are hooking up.”

“Uh-uh, hold on!” Grace straightens up, waggling his index finger. 

Clearly he’s concerned that the conversation has taken a turn in the wrong direction or that he and Rocky have overstepped an unspoken professional boundary. Not that it matters on a one-way trip with no means to contact Human Resources, of course.

“Neither of us were suggesting that we…Y’know. He was just confused about the whole two dudes can’t have a baby thing since Eridians don’t have sex characteristics or genitalia.”

“Some dudes can have babies though.”

“And that’s exactly why it all snowballed into a crash course on sex and gender.”

You eye him curiously. Not once on this mission—both on Earth and since waking in Tau Ceti’s orbit—have you given him reason to suspect you’re anything other than a cisgender man. (And he certainly hasn’t seen enough of your body naked to know otherwise.) But knowing how quickly he jumped to clarify sex and gender in a one-on-one lecture with an alien engineer, you’re starting to think that maybe Grace has made the discovery of your gender identity on his own.

“And Rocky seemed cool with it all?” You ask.

“Well, yeah. I don’t know see why he or anyone else would not be cool with it. It just is the way of human life.”

Whatever anxiety this discussion had stirred in the pit of your stomach moments ago instantly fades. You can tell by the lax, matter-of-fact response that Grace harbors no negative prejudices concerning gender. You’ve never suspected him of being close-minded, but having his opinion brought out into the open instantly eases your mind.

“I guess I should congratulate you on your academic achievement then,” you tease. “Who knew you were going to become the leading expert in intergalactic sex education?”

He tilts his head down to look at you through his lashes. Had he actually been wearing his glasses the way he was meant to, you know he’d be peering over the top of them in that haughty way he always does when he’s borderline annoyed. It’s so….middle school teacher.

“Please don’t put that title on my shoulders,” he says as he rises from the stool. “Parents are gonna have a field day back home if they find out their kids’ former teacher is some kind of perv.”

“You’re a scientist, not a pervert.”

“Yeah, well, some parents these days think those are synonymous anyway.”

A comfortable silence falls over the room as you finish your inventory and Grace busies himself with some xenonite analyses. This is what a good chunk of your days look like when your counterpart isn’t swapping stories and information with his Eridian research partner: respectful, often times silent cohabitation. You do your thing, he does his, and neither of you complains when the other wants to work in silence.

When you finish your count, you secure the ration compartments and scribble the updated inventory on one of the smaller whiteboards in the lab. It’s tedious work, of course, but necessary if either of you wants to stay alive long enough to save Earth. And Erid.

“I’m gonna get some shut-eye. You staying up for a bit?” You ask when you look over to find him still hunched over a microscope. He doesn’t even pry his eyes away from the slide of xenonite at the sound of your voice.

“Yeah. This xenonite stuff is really fudging with my brain.”

You chuckle. “‘Kay. Well, don’t go to sleep too late. Your science buddy is gonna be impatiently awaiting your return.”

As you pass by him to make your way to the dormitory, you brush your hand over his shoulder. It’s a delicate touch with little contact and even less heated intent. You just want to remind him that amongst the vastness of space you’re here with him and that—mission or no mission—you are looking out for him. It may be his shoulder that’s been touched, but it’s your shoulder that’s being offered should he ever need it.

“Goodnight, Dr. Grace.”

You feel him shift ever so slightly beneath your touch. And while you don’t linger to see how he’s reacted to the contact, you are absolutely certain that he’s abandoned his stately view of the xenonite to watch you walk out of the lab.