chaosincalmness

I have been second choice my whole life,

A constant struggle, a never-ending strife.

Always an option, never a priority,

A feeling of neglect, of ambiguity.

I wonder how it would feel to be first,

To be the one that they choose, not coerced.

To be the center of their world, their heart,

To be loved and cherished, from the very start.

But maybe being second choice is a gift,

For it helps us to see, to sift,

Through the ones who truly care,

And those who only want to share.

So let us embrace our place in life,

And let our hearts be free from strife.

For we are worthy, no matter what they say,

And we will find our way, come what may.

He said we have to part ways

Even if we want something,

We can’t have it

But without you,

I am not the person who smile like an idiot

Without you,

I am not a person who enjoy travels

Without you,

I am not a person who lives

Without you,

I am not a person who enjoys love songs

Because I find them useless

Without you,

I am not a person who love herself

Without you,

I am not a person who prays for you

Without you,

I am just a girl who just exists

Because without you,

There is only me and my brain full of thoughts

Without you,

I am just a person who is surviving.

In a world of secrets, a fantasy unfurls,

A place unknown, where my soul can't be heard.

Silently I wander, without a trace,

To a random destination, a hidden space.

No one would know, not even a clue,

Just me and the universe, in a world so new.

No obligations or worries to bear,

Just solitude and freedom, floating in the air.

Whispering winds guide me along,

As I explore the realm where I belong.

Lost in the beauty of the unknown,

Discovering myself, in this place I've flown.

So let's embrace this fantasy, my friend,

And let our souls wander, with no end.

In a secret place, where dreams come alive,

Let's find our solace, where our spirits thrive.

why?

starving people will eat anything."

One heartbreak to another,

The battle rages on within,

A fight that's hard to win.

Your heart and mind at odds,

A struggle that's at once both new and old.

You thought you knew what's right,

But now you see it's not so black and white.

Your heart, it aches with pain,

As you try to break free from the chains.

The battle's fierce, the struggle's real,

But you know you mustn't yield.

For in the end, you'll find your way,

And all the pain will fade away.

So hold on tight, don't let go,

And let your heart be your guide, you know.

For the battle happens within,

But with courage, you'll surely win.

You are a person unlike any other,

With a heart that's true and a soul that's pure.

You have a light that shines so bright,

And a spirit that's full of life.

You are kind and caring, thoughtful and wise,

With a smile that can light up the darkest skies.

Your laughter is contagious, your spirit so free,

You're a person that anyone would be lucky to meet.

So don't forget how special you are,

And all the wonderful things that make you shine like a star.

You are loved and cherished, and always will be,

For you are a person as unique as can be.

In this cynical world I am

Surround by people,

But still alone.

Surround with all this love,

But still lonely inside.

Surrounded by all this comfort,

But still agonising inside.

Surround by my friends,

But still a hermit.

Surround by happiness,

But still comfortable in dejection.

Surround by beautiful minds,

But still heart want attention.

Surround by wonderful moments,

But still aches for lifetime.

Surround by all this places to live,

But still finding home.

But, it was my heart.

This world has given me many hardships.

I finally have someone to lose myself for.

But they are showing me all the possibilities to give up.

They said,

‘What if he doesn’t love you?’

I replied,

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if he likes someone else?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if he is temporary?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if you’re just another friend for him?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if he is having a mental health crisis?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if he just uses you?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘Does he even share his feelings with you ?’

‘No.’

‘What if he gives up on your friendship?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if he doesn’t find you a girl that he want ?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if he finds you annoying?’

‘I would leave him alone’

‘What if he is hurting you ?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if……?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if……?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘What if……?’

‘I would love him anyway’

‘Would you please at least let us complete our question!?’

‘My answer will be always be the same’

‘So you would love him no matter what!?’

‘I would.’

‘So, you love him but you'll still let him go?’

‘I would.’

‘I would.’

‘I..’

I am in dilemma,

My heart aches for him,

I want to hold him until I disappear into him but can’t,

Because his heart does not belong to me.

He cares for me,

He would fight anyone for me,

He will love me as much as a human can,

He will do anything my mind wish for,

But end of the day his heart does not belong to me.

I would definitely die for him,

I would burn this world for him,

I can feel my every emotions for him,

I would do anything his heart wish for,

I will let him go because as much as he love me,

His heart does not belong to me.

We have visited many places together,

We have best memories together,

We have done many things together,

We had best meals together,

But as much as I wish for ‘US’,

His heart does not belong to me.

We share calmness with each other,

We would sit in silence for hours, days or even months,

But the idea of ‘US’ is ephemeral,

His heart that I ache for, is beats for someone else,

I would love to be that person but his heart belongs to someone else

The truth is I don’t want someone better,

I want him, all of it,

His sadness, happiness, pain, everything,

I don’t think I’m worth it, but for him, I’ll try.

I want him on days where he don’t want me,

Which is beyond me because I want all that he is,

But his heart does not belong to me.