Lizzie

The party reeked of liquor and perfumed sweat. Glitter swirled in the air, a purple hue falling onto your skin and making you feel like everything was a dream. Another party thrown by the football team - somewhere you wouldn't typically show your face. But your best friend didn't give you a choice this time.

Maddy's manicured hand gripped your arm, yanking you to her side.

"Bitch!" She exclaimed, her other hand thrusting a drink, full to the brim with something startlingly blue, into yours. "Drink. You aren't gonna be miserable tonight."

You stared the liquid down like it had personally offended you. The last thing you needed was to get sloppy drunk and embarrass yourself with how you'd been feeling recently. Depressed. Icky. Lonely, but too stubborn to reach out for company. And angry. You couldn't lie, the idea of taking revenge at a party had been alluring to you before. But now that you were here, it seemed too daring.

It was evident, though, that Maddie had finally had enough.

You took a breath to speak, trying to push the cup away.

"No." She held up a single finger, the acrylic tip painted with glaring red, and pressed it to your lips before you could protest. "I've watched you rot in your bedroom for like, a month. You've left me on read, bailed on that thing with Kat, and you haven't even let Cassie give her annoying mom-hug." Her eyes narrowed, dark and dangerous. "So tonight, you are going to drink this disgusting blue shit and have fun. With me."

Madeleine Perez had claimed you as her best friend freshman year without asking permission. She'd decided, correctly, somehow, that your energy was the perfect counterbalance to her whirlwind. She'd towed you into her orbit and never let go. Underneath the razor-sharp eyeliner and the casual cruelty she could weaponize at will, Maddy loved with a ferocity that bordered on terrifying. You were hers, and she took your pain as a personal insult.

You rolled your eyes, taking the cup.

"You know I don't want to be here. I don't want to see her, and-"

"And what?" Maddy cut you off with a sharp laugh. "You're gonna hide forever? You think Rue Bennett is gonna vanish off the face of the earth just because you've been ghosting the entire town?" She tilted her head, earrings swaying. "News flash, babe. She's still here. You just need to show her what she fucked up and lost."

"Maddy," Cassie's voice came from behind you, gentle and warning. She'd materialized without you noticing, Kat trailing in her wake. "Maybe don't."

"What? I'm not saying anything that isn't true." Maddy shrugged, unrepentant. "Rue hangs out with Jules now. She didn't cut herself off from planet Earth. My girl isn't going to either."

The name hit you square in the chest. Jules. Of course. Rue and Jules. Jules and Rue. The new girl with the cotton-candy hair and the artistic laugh and the way of looking at Rue that made you want to throw something. You didn't have the right to be jealous, though.. You'd ignored a plethora of texts from Rue.

In fact, that was exactly why you didn't want to be here. You were throwing yourself to the wolves. Exposing yourself to Rue and waiting for her to pounce.

Your phone had buzzed constantly that first week. You'd read every message through the notification preview, never opening them, never giving her the satisfaction of a read receipt.

can we talk

i know you're pissed just let me explain

please

y/n come on

And then, after three days of silence on your end: i'm sorry.

Then nothing for two weeks. Then, just last Tuesday, a single message at 2:47 AM: i still have your hoodie. the grey one with the paint stain. do you want it back?

You hadn't responded to that one either. But you'd cried for an hour afterward, because that hoodie wasn't just a hoodie. It was the one you'd been wearing the night she first kissed you. The night she'd pulled back, breathless and wide-eyed, and whispered, "Is this okay?" like she couldn't quite believe you wanted her.

You'd kept every message. You'd reread them until the words blurred. And you'd never, not once, typed a reply.

You knew, deep down, that Rue didn't deserve one. She couldn't stay clean, she couldn't stop lying, she couldn't stop doing everything she'd sworn she wouldn't. You were angry at her. You were forcing yourself to stay strong. And Maddy was by your side, always.

She plucked the blue drink from your hand and took a sip herself, grimacing. "Ugh. This tastes like battery acid. Why do football players have such terrible taste in everything?"

"They're football players," Kat said flatly. "That's the answer."

Cassie, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, finally spoke up. "Maybe... maybe you should talk to her, though? Not tonight," she added quickly, seeing Maddy's expression. "But eventually. You can't avoid her forever. And she does look really sad."

"Cassie, no," Maddy groaned. "We're not doing the 'she looks sad' thing. Rue is a big girl. She can handle her own feelings."

"I'm just saying! Closure is important. My therapist says-"

"Your therapist also said you should stop dating guys who look like they've never heard of moisturizer, but here we are."

"That's not fair. McKay has great skin."

"And has the emotional depth of a pet rock," Kat muttered.

You let their bickering fade into the background, your eyes drifting across the party against your will. You couldn't help it. Some magnetic, masochistic part of you needed to find her in the crowd.

And you did.

Rue was in the corner, near the speakers, where the purple lights didn't quite reach. She wasn't alone. Jules was beside her, all long legs and ethereal energy, her hair a cotton-candy cloud in the dim room, and some guy you vaguely recognized from your English class was talking animatedly, gesturing with a red solo cup. Rue wasn't listening to him. You could tell by the distant look in her eyes, the way her fingers were absently picking at the sleeve of her hoodie.

But she was watching you.

Those dark eyes, half-lidded and unreadable, were fixed on your face with an intensity that made your stomach clench. Her jaw was tight. Her shoulders were rigid. She looked away the second your gazes met, ducking her head toward Jules like she'd been paying attention all along. But the muscle in her temple was jumping.

"Bitch, are you even listening to me?"

You snapped back to Maddy, who was staring at you with narrowed eyes.

"Sorry. What?"

"I said," Maddy enunciated slowly, "that you need another drink. A stronger one. Because I refuse to let you spiral." She snatched your cup, still mostly full, and dumped it into a nearby potted plant without a shred of remorse. "We're doing shots."

"Maddy-"

"Shots!"

An hour later, you were drunk.

Not tipsy. Not buzzed. Drunk. The kind of drunk where the edges of the room went soft and the music stopped being noise and started being something you felt in your bones. The kind of drunk where Maddy's laughter sounded like wind chimes and Cassie's worried looks stopped registering and Kat's sarcastic commentary became genuinely hilarious.

The kind of drunk where you stopped thinking about Rue.

Mostly.

"She's still looking at you," Kat murmured, appearing at your elbow with a cup of water she'd been trying to push on you for the last ten minutes.

"Who?" You knew exactly who.

"Don't play dumb. Corner. Three o'clock. She's been staring at you since we got here, and honestly, it's getting a little creepy. Like, blink twice if you're being held hostage, Rue."

You didn't look. You refused to look. Instead, you grabbed the water from Kat's hand and took a sip, even though your coordination was shot and a little of it dribbled down your chin.

"Attractive," Kat said dryly, handing you a napkin.

"I'm very attractive. I'm a catch." The words slurred together slightly. "Maddy said so."

Maddy was already materializing beside you, her eyes glittering with a dangerous, scheming light that you recognized all too well.

"Okay," she said, looping her arm through yours. "Don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad? You only say 'don't be mad' when you've done something I'm definitely gonna be mad about."

Maddy grinned, unrepentant. "There's a girl over by the stairs. She's been checking you out all night, and I may have told her you were single and emotionally available."

"You what?"

"Don't freak out. She's cute. Like, really cute. Dark hair, great cheekbones, definitely your type-"

"Maddy, what the fuck!"

"Come," she insisted, steering you through the crowd with surprising strength for someone her size. "You've been moping for a month. A month! And I love you, but you need to get back out there. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Or on top. I don't know your preferences."

"Maddy, stop it." You whined.

But it was too late. You were already face-to-face with the girl from the stairs.

She was cute. Annoyingly cute. Dark hair cropped close on the sides, longer on top, a silver ring glinting in her nose. She had a sharp smile and the kind of confident energy that made your drunk brain short-circuit.

"Hey," she said, her voice low and smooth. "Maddy told me your name, but I want to hear you say it."

Maybe Maddy was right. It was time to explore. After all, you couldn't let all the self-torture be for no reason.

Before you knew it, all of your hesitance flew out the window. A shy, drunk smile spread over your lips as you looked down at your feet, then back up. The girl tilted her head, waiting for you to speak.

"Y/n L/n." You said, holding a manicured hand out for her to take.

"Avery." Her grip was warm and firm, her thumb brushing deliberately over your knuckles before she let go. "Nice to finally meet you. I've seen you around."

"Have you?" Your drunk brain was slow, syrupy, but not so far gone that you missed the way her eyes dropped to your mouth.

"Hard to miss." She leaned a shoulder against the wall, casual, confident. "You're always with Maddy. She's kind of terrifying."

"She's very terrifying," you agreed, glancing back at Maddy, who shot you an exaggerated thumbs up and a mouthed get it, bitch before Kat dragged her away.

And then it was just you and Avery. And the music. And the purple lights. And the two shots of tequila still burning pleasantly in your stomach.

Avery was easy to talk to. She was a senior, she told you, transferred from a school two towns over. She asked about your classes, your taste in music, the book you'd been reading when she spotted you in the library last week. The conversation flowed without effort, lubricated by alcohol and the giddy rush of someone new paying attention to you.

At some point, she'd stepped closer. Close enough that you could smell her perfume - something woodsy, clean. Close enough that her knee brushed yours when she laughed at something you said.

"So," she said, tilting her head, "you're single?"

"Complicatedly single."

"That's the best kind." She grinned. "Complicated means there's a story. I like stories."

"There's definitely a story."

"Tell me?"

You should have said no. You should have changed the subject, asked her about her own stories instead. But the tequila had loosened your tongue, and the words were already spilling out before you could stop them.

"My ex is here." The confession tasted like lime and salt and poor decisions. "She's been staring at me all night. It's... a lot."

She followed your gaze across the room. Rue was still in the corner. Jules had drifted toward the dance floor, leaving Rue alone with her thoughts and her red solo cup and her murderous expression. She was looking at you again - no, not at you. At Avery. The way she was leaning into your space, one hand on the wall beside your head, her body angled toward you like a parenthesis closing around a sentence.

"Rue Bennett," Avery stated simply. "She's your ex?"

"You know her?" The question came out sharper than you intended.

"Everyone knows Rue. Or knows of her, at least." Avery's expression was unreadable. "She's got a reputation. Recovering addict, right? OD'd over the summer?"

Your stomach twisted. Hearing it spoken so casually, so matter-of-fact, made something defensive flare up in your chest. Rue's overdose wasn't gossip. It wasn't a talking point. It was the worst night of your life, the hospital waiting room, the fluorescent lights, the way you'd sobbed into Maddy's shoulder until you couldn't breathe.

"Yeah," you said quietly. "She's been through a lot."

Avery held up her hands. "No judgment. Just repeating what I've heard." She tilted her head, studying you with new interest. "You're still hung up on her."

It wasn't a question.

"I..." You swallowed hard. "It's complicated."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it keeps being true."

She hummed, leaning into you. Her lips met your ear with a gentleness that made a warm wave curl down your spine.

"I can help you figure things out."

Your breath caught. The tequila was swimming through your veins, making everything slow and syrupy and unreal. Avery's perfume was dizzying and nothing like Rue's familiar old spice and laundry detergent. Her hand settled on your hip, light, questioning. Providing you with an option if you wanted it.

You didn't pull away.

"Yeah?" Your voice came out breathier than you intended.

"Yeah." She pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, her sharp smile softening into something more genuine. "No pressure. No expectations. Just... a good time. You look like you could use one."

Maybe she was right. Maybe this was exactly what you needed, something simple, something uncomplicated, something that wasn't wrapped up in overdoses and relapses and 3 AM phone calls that made your heart stop. Avery didn't know you. She didn't know about the hospital waiting room or the unanswered texts or the way you'd cried until your ribs ached. She just saw a girl at a party who looked sad and lonely and in need of a distraction.

And God, you wanted to be distracted.

"I don't usually do this," you admitted, but you didn't step back. Didn't remove her hand from your hip.

"What, talk to attractive strangers at parties?"

"Something like that."

"Then I'm honored." She tilted her head, that dark hair falling across her forehead. "Seriously, though. If you want me to back off, say the word. I'm not here to add to the drama. I just think you're beautiful, and your ex is an idiot for letting you go."

Your drunk brain latched onto that. Your ex is an idiot. Rue was an idiot. Rue had let you go. Rue had chosen pills over you, numbness over you, oblivion over you. And now she was standing in the corner with Jules and her red solo cup, watching you like she had any right to be angry.

Screw her.

"I don't want you to back off," you heard yourself say.

Avery's smile widened. "Good."

She leaned in again. This time, her lips found the corner of your jaw. a barely-there brush that sent sparks skittering across your skin. Your eyes fluttered shut. Your hand came up to grip her shoulder, steadying yourself. The party dissolved around you. the bass, the laughter, the purple lights, until there was nothing but the warmth of her mouth tracing a slow path toward your ear.

"Still okay?" she murmured against your skin.

"Yeah," you breathed. "Still okay."

What you didn't see, what you couldn't see, with your eyes closed and your head tilted back, was Rue.

Rue, who had gone completely rigid in her corner.

Rue, whose knuckles were white around her solo cup.

Rue, whose dark eyes had shifted from murderous to something far more devastating. Something broken. The look of a girl watching the only thing she'd ever truly loved slip through her fingers in real time.

Jules noticed. Of course she noticed. She followed Rue's gaze across the room, took in the scene, Avery's lips on your neck, your hand gripping her shoulder, the way your body curved into hers like a plant seeking sunlight, and her expression flickered with something complicated.

"Rue," Jules said quietly, touching her arm. "Maybe we should go."

"No." Rue's voice was flat. Hollow. "I'm fine."

"You're shaking."

"I said I'm fine."

But she wasn't fine. She was the opposite of fine. She was burning alive, consumed by a jealousy so potent it felt like poison in her bloodstream. Every rational thought was drowned out by the primal, gut-wrenching need to cross the room and pull you away from that girl. To put her body between yours and Avery's. To tell her, in no uncertain terms, to keep her fucking hands off what didn't belong to her.

Except you didn't belong to Rue anymore. That was the problem.

"Rue," Jules tried again, her grip tightening on her arm. "Don't do anything stupid."

And for a moment, it seemed like Rue would listen. She took a shaky breath. She uncurled her fists. She looked down at her shoes, scuffed Vans, and tried to remember all the things Ali had told her about letting go, about accepting the consequences of her actions, about not letting her emotions rule her.

And then Avery's hand slid from your hip to the small of your back, and something in Rue snapped.

She was moving before she could stop herself. Shaking off Jules' grip. Cutting through the crowd with single-minded determination, her heart pounding so hard she could feel it in her teeth. She didn't know what she was going to do. Didn't know what she was going to say. All she knew was that she couldn't stand there for one more second watching someone else touch you.

No one could stop her, her seething body carving a path through the crowd like a knife through butter. No one even noticed her.

Besides Avery, in the corner of her eye. She could see Rue's wild curls blowing in the slight air flow, stiff shoulders shifting with her walk.

Her lip quirked up into a smirk, pulling off from your skin.

"Incoming."

Before you could process the word, before the tequila-soaked fog in your brain could catch up to what was happening, a hand closed around your wrist, familiar, calloused, urgent, and yanked you backward. You yelped, turning towards whoever had wrenched you off, but the breath was immediately stolen from your lungs.

Brown eyes. Lidded, but full of so much anger that it made your skin burn where they rested. Desperate, angry, jealous eyes that clearly screamed 'enough is enough.' You couldn't decide whether to swoon or to cry.

Rue's grip on your wrist was iron, her fingers pressed against your pulse point like she was counting the beats. She wasn't looking at Avery at all. She was looking at you, only at you, and the intensity of it made the tequila in your bloodstream feel like nothing. Like you'd never been drunk a day in your life. Like you were seeing everything in horrifying, perfect clarity.

"You're done here," Rue said, and her voice wasn't loud. It wasn't a shout. It was quiet and shaking and absolutely terrifying in its restraint. "You and me. Outside. Now."

"Rue."

"Now, Y/N."

Avery stepped forward, her brow furrowing. "Hey, relax."

"I wasn't talking to you," Rue snorted bitterly, turning slightly towards the girl who had her offensive lips all over you. "So shut the fuck up."

The words landed like a slap. Avery's eyebrows shot up, her calm composure finally cracking. For a moment, she looked like she might fire back, her jaw tightened, her hands curling at her sides, but then she glanced at you. At the way you were staring at Rue. At the way your pulse was fluttering under Rue's fingertips.

She raised her hands, stepping back.

"Will do."

Then, without another word, she sent you an amused glance and walked away.

You were now alone with the only person you didn't want to see. You felt the weight of her stare still, stirring up a storm in your chest.

"Outside." She repeated again, pulling you gently but firmly.

"No, I-"

"Nah," another laugh with absolutely no humor in it. "You're coming the fuck outside."

She was already moving, cutting a path toward the back door. You had no choice but to follow, stumbling slightly, the tequila still sloshing through your system and making everything feel unsteady.

You caught a glimpse of your friends as Rue dragged you past them. Maddy was already stepping forward, her expression darkening, clearly ready to intervene, but Kat grabbed her by the elbow and held her in place. Cassie's hand was pressed to her mouth, her wide blue eyes tracking you like you were a car crash she couldn't look away from.

Traitors, you thought bitterly. All of them.

And then the back door banged open, and the cold night air hit your face like a bucket of water.

The backyard was empty. The same string lights from earlier were still swaying gently in the breeze, casting their dim golden glow over the patchy grass and rusted patio furniture. The music from inside was muffled now, reduced to a distant, rhythmic thump. You could hear your own heartbeat. You could hear Rue's ragged breathing.

She finally released your wrist. She took a few steps away from you, her back turned, both hands coming up to rake through her wild curls. You could see the tension in her shoulders - rigid, practically vibrating -before she spun around to face you.

"What the fuck was that?"

The anger in her voice was a living thing, raw and bleeding. You'd seen Rue angry before, frustrated, annoyed, pissed at the world, but this was different. This was volcanic.

"What was what?" Your own voice came out unsteady, and you hated it.

"Don't." She pointed a shaking finger back toward the house. "Don't play dumb with me right now. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

You crossed your arms over your chest, a flimsy shield. "So what?"

"So what?" Rue laughed, but the sound was jagged and hollow. "So I've been texting you for a month. A whole fucking month. And you couldn't send me a single reply. Not one. I thought you hated me. I thought-" She broke off, swallowing hard. "But you show up here, drunk off your ass, and in five minutes you're about to make out with some random girl against a wall?"

"Her name is Avery, and she's not random. She's a senior. Transferred from two towns over. She smells nice and she thinks I'm beautiful and she's not my ex."

Rue's jaw tightened. "Low blow."

"Truth hurts." You shrugged, the tequila making you bold. "Besides, you're one to talk. You've been glued to Jules all night. She's practically draped over you in that corner. What's that about?"

"Jules is my friend."

"Right. Sure. Just a friend who looks at you like you hung the moon."

"She does not-" Rue stopped, her eyes narrowing. "Wait. Are you jealous?"

"No."

"You're totally jealous."

"I'm not jealous. I'm just pointing out the hypocrisy. You can spend all night with Jules, but the second someone talks to me, you go full caveman?"

"I didn't go full caveman."

"You literally yanked me away from her and told her to shut the fuck up."

Rue glared. "I wasn't talking to her. I was talking to you for the first time in a fucking month."

The words hit you square in the chest, knocking some of the wind out of your anger. Rue was standing there, her chest heaving, her dark eyes burning with something that wasn't just jealousy anymore. It was hurt. It was a month of silence and unanswered texts and sleepless nights, all bottled up and ready to explode.

"You could've talked to me any time," you said, your voice quieter now. "You could've found me. Cornered me at school. Shown up at my house."

"I did show up at your house. Three times. Your mom said you didn't want to see me."

"Because I didn't."

"Then what was I supposed to do?" Rue threw her hands up. "Break down your door? Kidnap you? I was trying to respect your space. Ali said-" She stopped, shaking her head. "Never mind."

"Ali said what?"

"Ali said I should give you time. That pushing you would only make it worse. If you wanted to talk, you'd come to me." She let out a bitter laugh. "But you didn't come to me. You came here, got stupid drunk, and then let some random girl put her hands all over you."

"Avery-"

"I don't care about Avery!" Rue's voice cracked. "I don't care about her name or where she transferred from or what she smells like. I care about you. I care that you've been ignoring me for a month, and I just can't get you out of my head. And now someone else is-"

She broke off, her jaw clenching so tight you could see the muscle jumping.

"Someone else is what?" you pressed.

"Touching you, and kissing you, and shit. And you're mine."

The words hung in the cold night air. Possessive. Fierce. Utterly, devastatingly Rue.

"I'm not yours," you said, but your voice came out weaker than you intended. "Not anymore."

"You sure about that?" She stepped closer, and suddenly the air between you felt electric. "Because you haven't pushed me away or told me to leave. You followed me out here, and now you're standing here looking at me."

"Rue."

"Like you want me to kiss you. So, do you?"

Your breath caught. "That's the tequila."

"Is it?" She whispered, looking down at you. "Or is it that you thought you could leave me and forget everything, and you can't?"

The question hung in the air between you, heavy and charged. Rue's eyes were unwavering, dark and searching, like she was trying to see straight through to the parts of you that you'd been hiding for a month.

You exhaled shakily.

"Why couldn't you let me? You know you're bad for me. You're bad for everyone, Rue." You accused, avoiding her eyes. Avoiding falling back in.

The accusation had no effect.

"I know." She didn't flinch. Didn't look away. Her voice was steady, even as her hands trembled at her sides. "I know I'm bad for you. I've known it since the day we met."

"Then why-"

"Because I'm selfish, too. Worst type of person." She stepped closer, and her hand found your chin, tilting your face up until you had no choice but to meet her eyes. "I'm selfish and I'm fucked up and I'm trying to be better, but I can't-I can't let you go. I tried. I tried to stay away. For a month. And it was the worst month of my life."

You gritted your teeth. Her face, desperate and sorry and intense, peering into yours with the same vibes that you fell in love with in the first place.

"I hate you." You whispered.

"I hate me too. But I love you. And I'm not letting you go."

“It’s not your choice to make. You don’t have the right to pretend it is.”

"Neither do you. Not really. Because if you wanted to leave, you would've done it already. If you wanted me gone, you would've shoved me off the second I grabbed you. But you didn't. You're still here. And I think it's because you hate me, yeah, but you love me more."

"Shut up."

She refused to, her firm hand still on your jaw.

"I'm clean. Thirty-four days clean," She said, her voice firm. Honest, for once. "I go to all my meetings and shit. Drug test any time Leslie says so."

Your eyes, glistening with a thin layer of gathering tears, analyzed her face for any sign of dishonesty, and for all signs of the truth. You sniffled, one tear dropping without your permission.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Her voice was firm. Unwavering. The voice of a woman on a mission to get the only thing she'd ever wanted back. "Not a long time, but it's the longest I've gone since I was, like, fourteen. Think about you more than the drugs. In a way," she laughed bitterly, wiping a tear from your cheek, "you leaving my ass is what kept me clean."

"That's not-" Your voice cracked. "That's not funny."

"I'm not joking." Her thumb swept across your cheekbone, catching another tear before it could fall. "All I can think about is you and how to make you come back. Don't give a fuck about drugs."

"That's too much pressure, Rue. I can't be the thing that keeps you sober. That's not fair."

"I know." She didn't look away. Didn't blink. "Ali says the same thing. Says I can't put my recovery on another person. Says I have to want it for myself or it won't stick." She exhaled shakily. "And I do. Want it for myself, I mean. Most days. But on the bad days - on the days when everything feels like shit and the meetings aren't helping and my brain won't shut up-on those days, I think about you. And it helps."

"Rue."

"I'm not saying you have to take me back. I'm not saying you're responsible for me. I'm just saying.." She swallowed hard. "I'm just saying you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And losing you was the worst thing. And I'd rather be clean and miserable than high and dead. Because at least if I'm clean, there's a chance."

The tears were falling freely now, yours and hers, mingling in the cold night air. Rue's hand was still on your jaw, her thumb still tracing back and forth across your cheekbone. She was trembling.

You laughed through a sniffle.

"I can't stand you. You can never stay away and let me heal."

"Let you heal?" Rue's voice was barely a whisper. "Let you move on and forget me? Maybe meet someone who doesn't come with a mile-long list of problems?"

"Yes. All of that."

"I tried." She admitted.

"It was supposed to be a clean break. That's why I didn't answer your texts or come to the hospital. I knew if I saw you, if I heard your voice, I'd cave. And I couldn't cave anymore, its killing both of us."

"But you're caving now."

"Because you grabbed me!" You shoved weakly at her chest, but there was no force behind it. "You couldn't just let me flirt with a pretty girl in peace. You had to storm over and go all caveman and remind me exactly why I fell for you in the first place."

"Was it the caveman thing?" A ghost of a smirk. "Because I can do that more often."

"Don't you dare."

"Kidding. Mostly." Her smirk faded, replaced by something softer. "If you tell me to leave, I'll go. I won't bother you anymore.. probably. I'll try. Again."

You stared at her. At the sharp jaw and the messy curls and the dark eyes that were still glistening. She meant it. You could see it in her face, the way she was bracing herself, preparing for rejection. She'd walk away if you asked her to. She'd actually do it.

And you realized, with terrifying clarity, that you didn't want her to.

"That's the problem," you whispered. "I don't want you to leave. I never wanted you to leave. I just wanted you to stop."

"Using."

"Breaking my heart."

"I know." She pressed her forehead against yours. "I know. And I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I'll be sorry for the rest of my life. But I'm clean and I'm really trying. And I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to."

"Stay."

"Yeah?"

"Stay. One more time." You fisted your hands in the front of her hoodie. "But you're on thin ice, Bennett."

"I know."

"And you're not allowed to relapse."

"I know."

"And you have to stop chewing on your hoodie strings. It's disgusting."

With a snort and a mumble that sounded like disagreement, she laced her fingers through yours and tugged you toward the side gate. "Come on. I'll make tea. Leslie bought that weird herbal stuff you like."

"You hate that tea."

"I'll drink it anyway. For you."

"That's... disgustingly romantic."

"I'm a disgustingly romantic person."

"You told a girl to shut the fuck up like twenty minutes ago."

"She had her hands and crusty ass lips on my girlfriend."

"I'm not your girlfriend yet."

Rue stopped walking and turned to look at you, her eyebrow arched.

"You're coming home with me, you told me to stay, and I actually never admitted to anyone that we broke up." She ticked the points off on her fingers. "I'm pretty sure you're my girlfriend."

"I'm your tentative girlfriend."

"Tentative girlfriend." She tested the words, a slow grin spreading across her face. "I'll take it. Seal it with a kiss?" She quirked an eyebrow, her hands reaching out again to cup your face.

She was close before you even realized it, her nose brushing yours.

"You're so-"

"Charming? Romantic? The love of your life?"

"Annoying. I was going to say annoying."

"That too." Her thumb traced your cheekbone, feather-light. "So? Do I get to seal it or what?"

You should have made her wait. Should have made her work for it. But she was standing there with her messy curls and her stupid smirk and her thirty-four day chip heavy in her pocket, looking at you like you were the only thing in the world worth looking at.

"Fine," you breathed. "One kiss."

"One kiss," she agreed.

She leaned in. Her lips brushed yours, soft, almost tentative, like she was giving you one last chance to change your mind. When you didn't pull away, she deepened the kiss, her hands sliding from your jaw into your hair, tilting your head back. A small sound escaped your throat, and you felt her smile against your mouth.

"Missed that sound," she murmured.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

So you did. You kissed her again, harder this time, your fingers twisting in the front of her hoodie, your hoodie, and pulling her closer. She made a surprised noise, then melted into it, one hand dropping to your waist, the other still tangled in your hair. The streetlight flickered overhead. The cold nipped at your cheeks. But Rue was warm, and solid, and here, and that was all that mattered.

The door flew open. You yanked yourselves apart, eyes wide.

Maddy, a manicured hand on her waist and knowing eyes dissecting the situation. Her glossy lips curled into a smirk that was equal parts triumphant and terrifying.

"I knew it," she announced, loud enough for the whole block to hear. "I fucking knew it. Cassie owes me twenty dollars."

"Maddy." You pleaded.

"Don't." She held up a single finger, the acrylic tip glittering under the porch light. "Don't even try to explain. Rue had her tongue down your throat and you look pathetically guilty. You're back together."

"Tentatively," you muttered.

"Tentatively my ass. You're standing in the backyard at midnight making out like the world's ending. I'm not stupid."

You were silenced immediately, a sheepish smile on your face.

"And you." She turned her razor-sharp gaze on Rue. "Fuck up again and I'll key your car. I love you, but I love my bitch more."

"Noted," Rue said, her voice impressively steady for someone facing down Maddy Perez in full protective-friend mode. "But.. I don't have a car."

Maddy's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. "Then I'll key your face."

"That's... not how keying works."

"Try me, Bennett." She stepped forward, jabbing a manicured finger toward Rue's chest. "I will find a way. I'm very creative."

"I know you are." Rue's voice was steady, but you could feel her hand trembling slightly in yours. "And I'm not gonna give you a reason to get creative. I swear."

Maddy stared at her for a long, tense moment. The backyard was silent except for the distant thump of bass from inside and the rustle of the string lights swaying in the breeze. Then, slowly, her expression shifted. The sharp edges softened, just a fraction, just enough.

"I'm happy for you guys. If you're happy," She said, smiling a little. Then, she waved a manicured hand. "Now, go fuck or something."

With that, she disappeared back through the back door, flicking her hair over her shoulder - the sign of a job well done by Maddy Perez. The night air got a little chillier, a little darker.

You stood there for a moment, stunned into silence, the ghost of Maddy's exit still hanging in the air.

"Did she just.." Rue started.

"Give us her blessing? I think so."

"In the most Maddy way possible."

"Is there any other way?"

Rue laughed, that real laugh, bright and surprised and still a little shaky around the edges. "I guess not." She turned to you, her dark eyes softening. "So. What now? We take her suggestion, or we go drink tea?" She smirked.

You felt heat rise to your cheeks. "She said go fuck, Rue."

“No,” Quanxi stated. There was no malice to her voice, no anger or shakiness. She said it clearly and calmly like she didn’t almost give him a concussion. Kishibe straightened himself up, still holding his throbbing cheek and sighed. 

“So you’re not ready right now, I get it. I’ll try again when you’re in a better mood.” 

“She won’t be in a better mood, Kishi, so why don’t you give it a rest?” You gave him a tight lipped smile. You placed a hand on his shoulder, gripping it rather tight until his puppy dog eyes widened in understanding. He looked at Quanxi again, who wasn’t looking at him anymore, and back to you, who was throwing malicious daggers with your glare. 

“I’ll go,” Kishibe spoke slowly. “Just think about it, Quanxi. You don’t have to give me an answer now!” He left with a wave. The handprint on his face was already welting angrily but you couldn’t help smirking at it. 

“She already gave you an answer, dumbass,” you growled. You turned your attention back to the white haired lady. She still hasn’t said anything else, only gathering her bags so she could leave the office. You waited patiently for her, then walked beside her as you both left their building for the night. 

“He’s a little dense isn’t he? Outside of devil hunting there doesn’t seem to be much of anything in his head,” You said. 

Quanxi snorted noncommittally and you playfully bumped into her shoulder. Quanxi didn’t budge, which only bounced back to you. Quanxi’s hand shot out to catch your waist to keep her from toppling over on the sidewalk. 

“Be careful,” Quanxi murmured. Her hand curled around the softness of your body, crinkling the material separating their skin. Once she realized how close she was to your face she dropped her arm, taking a step back to hide her blushing face. She pulled away too slowly, and if there is one thing that you were really good at, it’s reading people’s body language. You had to be, given your current occupation as a devil hunter, but sometimes people took your darkskin and curly hair as a sign of gullibility, so you had to pay extra attention to what people weren't saying as well. 

“Hey, why don't you come over tonight? You always said that you would and Boss said that we don’t have any cases tomorrow.”

Quanxi stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and blinked at you. You watched as her eye gave her a questioning look. “I don’t have any clothes with me. Or a toothbrush.”

“That’s not a problem. We look about the same size, and I have spare toothbrushes. You like peking duck, right? I also want to make lo Mai Gai,” You pulled Quanxi down the street by her arm, and this time she allowed herself to be moved. 

“Lo Mai Gai? How do you-“

“I may or may not have heard you ordered it once after a mission,” You gave a shy smile. You weren’t  going to mention how you also started to pick up Chinese because of her. You work for the public safety department, so you should be able to speak multiple languages. For the people, of course. “I can make something el-“

“No,” Quanxi stopped you. You were slightly staggered on the sidewalk, with the sun setting and backlit your silhouette. Though your hair was gathered in a puff at the top of your head, the sun made it seem wild and alive, a wavy kaleidoscope of reds, oranges, and browns that Quanxi found impossible to look away from. 

You looked back at her and cocked your head. 

“‘No’ to food or ‘no’ to coming over?” 

Quanxi adjusted her bag on her shoulder and looked straight into your eyes. They had crinkles at the corners because of how easy smiling came to you.

“I will come over,” she said, then looked everywhere else but your face. “Make whatever you want. It’s your home,” she mumbled. 

“And you're my guest who I want happy,” You laughed and pulled on Quanxi’s arm again. You walked down to the train station with hooked elbows until arriving at your place. 

It’s a standard apartment that all public safety workers were issued, but you still managed to make it uniquely yours. Next to your door was a succulent plant, a small ball but unfurling due to the warmer weather. You saw her eyebrows pulled together and answered Quanxi’s unspoken question as you unlocked the door. 

“Echeveria Elegans. Native to Mexico but I make it work,” you said, then pushed the door open to welcome her in. There were more plants inside, as if you were trying to live in a greenhouse. If something wasn’t in various shades of green it was a dark brown or deep red, like your couch and coffee table, which were scattered with books of different topics. Quanxi took off her shoes and looked over to the small kitchen and saw that the countertops were cleared, if she ignored the herbs that you had growing in pots near the window.  

“Here you go! Go ahead and take a shower first and I’ll get started with the food,” You handed her a pile of folded clothes. Your hands grazed each other and Quanxi felt the muscles behind her eyepatch twitch. 

“Down the hall to your left,” You call out. You were already rummaging through your fridge for the food you prepped. Quanxi watched your back one last time before going to the bathroom. She was overwhelmed with how much your place smelled like… like you. It was easier to ignore at work if she distanced herself, but now she was enveloped by it. It was gourmand but earthy, like freshly picked apples and almonds and caramel. She jumped into the shower and left the water to be as cold as possible. 

When Quanxi creeped out of the bathroom with your clothes on she watched you dance in front of the stove. There was soft music playing from somewhere, an upbeat song that sounded American. You had also changed your clothes, wearing a large tshirt that stopped mid thigh. You shifted your weight from heel to heel, swinging your hips to the beat of the song, and Quanxi saw that you were in fact wearing shorts underneath. Not that it helped calm her down. Quanxi still wanted to run her hands over your thighs and bury her face into your neck. 

“Are you just going to stand there and spy on me?” You teased, pulling Quanxi out of her thoughts. She hasn’t made a sound but you were a damn good devil hunter. You turned around and gave Quanxi a lopsided grin. “Come over here,” you beckoned, and Quanxi followed like a sailor to a lighthouse. 

Quanxi stood next to you as you explained dinner plans. “The stuff for Peking duck is already finished. I just need to put it in the wrap. The lo mai gai is taking a little longer though. Since the portion size is kind of big I was hoping we could just share one.” 

Quanxi should be paying more attention to what you were saying given that she was staring at your rounded lips, but it fell on deaf ears. Your words trailed off when you saw the heavy lidded look Quanxi was giving you. She looked at the way her ivory hair fell over her shoulders and reached her hand out. You used to think it was a pure white, but it has more dimension than that. It was as though it was left out in the sun for ages and bleached pale. You flicked away a rolling bead of water from the side of her face and raked your hand through her hair. 

“So soft,” you murmured, rubbing the ends of her hair together. You flashed her a smile. “So what do you think?” 

Quanxi raised her right hand to hold it around yours. You twisted it around to slide your fingers through hers, then held both hands against your face. 

“Quanxi.”

“Hm?”

“Did you hear a word that I said?”

“No.”

You let out a soft laugh in Quanxi’s hand. Her whole body was tingling, and Quanxi wasn’t sure if she wanted to pull away or not. 

“Well I need you to listen carefully to me now please.”

“I’m listening,” she breathed out. You rubbed her lips right over her radial nerve in her wrist and gave her a beguiling look. Quanxi was sure you could feel her pulse racing against your mouth. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes please.”

“So quick,” You giggled. Quanxi felt her face flame but you already pulled her face close to hers with her other hand. Your lips ghosted each other at first, faint and barely there. Quanxi wasn’t sure why she was holding herself back while anticipation singed through her veins. 

Quanxi leaned in closer, meshing her lips to yours, tasting the fruity remnants of that damn lip balm she watches you put on every day. Should she have been jealous of an inanimate object? No, but she had a good reason to be. 

Your lips were pillow soft, your kiss endlessly deep. Quanxi used her free hand to rest on your waist, pulling your body closer to hers just like she did on the street, but this time there were no pressed iron shirt muting your curves.

Quanxi wanted more. More of your touch, more of your smile, more of you. She could feel herself getting greedier, pushing into you, making you hold the counter behind yourself to keep from losing your balance, but she still couldn’t slow down. 

You pulled back to breathe and Quanxi realized that she should do the same. Your lips were pulsing and Quanxi’s sported a pink tinge. You ran her thumb over her top lip, then did the same to the bottom, but Quanxi caught the finger between her teeth.

“I was afraid that you actually liked Kishibe,” You confessed. “‘Maybe she’s overcompensating by being so harsh.’ But that’s not the case at all, is it?”

Quanxi shook her head slowly with your thumb still in her mouth. She slowly grounded her teeth against the digit, making your heart flutter. “Well he deserves it if he can’t take no for an answer,” gasped. 

You pulled her hand away and gave Quanxi one last kiss before resting your head on her shoulder. “I really did want to cook for you. We’ve got all night, right?” 

“And what about after?” Quanxi asked. She couldn’t believe that her feelings were being acknowledged, let alone reciprocated, so she needed reassurance. 

“I want to make this work. We can make it work. We just have to be careful,” You wrapped your arms around her waist. “This would be an HR disaster if anyone found out.” 

“I can be careful.”

“Of course. Then we can have an after. Happily ever after if you will.” 

Quanxi wrapped her arms around your body tightly and swayed. You pulled back and kissed the underside of her jaw before your eyes caught the burning sausage on the stove. 

“The food!” You exclaimed, but Quanxi wouldn’t let you go. You twisted around to save what was left in the pan while she latched onto your side, nuzzling her nose into your neck just like she always imagined.

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she was going to take you out to the orchard for a nice walk. then, she'd take you to the top of the hill, where she had set up a little picnic and where there was the best view of the sunset. then, she'd pull out the ring. in the meanwhile, she was stressing.

she was waiting for you in the kitchen, fidgeting with the ring in her right front pocket. she absentmindedly rubbed the gem on it with her thumb as she looked out of the window.

apple bloom was bouncing around, giddily running her mouth to her sister and brother.

"ooh, and you can have me, scootaloo, and sweetie belle as bridesmaids! or no, flower girls!! and rarity could design your suit and y/n's dress! oh, and a fall wedding would be great! or no wait, a spring wedding, with all the flowers and it won't be too hot!" she jumped to sit on the counter, swinging her legs excitedly. "wouldn't that be great, big mac?"

"yup," her brother said, not looking away from his newspaper.

she jumped off the counter, practically vibrating with excitement. "and you could get spike to be the ring bearer— oh, and you could have it on the farm an—"

"apple bloom!" apple jack laughed. her sister froze, standing like a deer in headlights. "calm down, missy. she ain't even here yet, and i dunno if she'll even say yes." she sighed, rubbing her thumb over the little metal ring.

"oh, don't worry, apple jack!" her little sister came up behind her and patted her shoulder. she looked down at her, her brow furrowed. "she'll definitely say yes!"

"and how would you know that?" she chuckled, taking her hands out of her pockets and crossing her arms.

"cause i asked," apple bloom said, closing her eyes and nodding confidently.

"you what?!" apple jack stared at her, eyes wide.

"oh relax, all i did was ask sweetie belle to ask rarity to bring up proposals at that sleepover she and y/n had a couple days ago."

aj raised an eyebrow, still confused. her sister groaned.

"rarity brought up proposals and weddings and what not at the sleepover, and y/n said she wouldn't say no to a proposal."

right as apple jack was going to answer, the front door was pushed open, letting a stream of buttery sunlight in. a surge of anxiety crashed into apple jack like a wave, her eyes widening.

"apple jack?" you called out.

she sighed and closed her eyes, shaking out her hands. "in here, sugar!" she strode forward to meet you, patting her pocket to make sure the ring hadn't moved.

the second you stepped into the kitchen, aj didn't even have the chance to greet you before apple bloom rushed towards you, throwing her arms around you. "hi y/n!!!" she exclaimed, grinning.

you laughed, hugging the younger girl back. "hey, apple bloom." when the youngest apple sibling finally released you, you looked up at aj, smiling.

she pulled you into a tight embrace, kissing the top of your head. "darlin'," she murmured. you stood on your toes, kissing her cheek.

"hi," you giggled. she smiled and took your hand.

"you ready? i wanted to go on a walk, it's real nice outside," she said. her free hand nervously tapped her thigh.

"mhm," you grinned. "come on." you started tugging her towards the door. she laughed, swiping up a wicker basket from the counter.

big mac glanced up at his sister. "g'luck," he said. apple jack rolled her eyes as she stepped out onto the porch.

as the two of you started walking to the orchard, apple bloom shouted, "if she asks any questions say yes!"

apple jack whipped her head around. "you shut your mouth, apple bloom," she yelled. you giggled and kept tugging her along. when you finally made it in the orchard and the house was far in the distance, you turned to your girlfriend.

"where are we going?" you asked. she squeezed your hand.

"follow me, sugar," she smiled. you happily walked beside her as she led you through the orchard, weaving through green trees filled with apples. a few moments later, she stopped, standing in front of you. she pulled her hat off and placed it on your head, tipping it forward so it covered your eyes.

you laughed, reaching up to fix it, but she bumped it back down. "no peekin', missy," she scolded. you could hear the smile in her voice.

"alright, alright," you said, putting your hands up in mock defeat. she grabbed one of your hands and led you forward, slowly.

"watch your step," she chimed, helping you step over a fallen log. you walked in silence for a few moments, letting her lead you through the apple trees.

after a while, she stopped, letting go of your hand to wipe hers on her jeans. "alright," she said. "take it off."

you quickly lifted the hat up, gasping at the sight in front of you. a beautiful picnic was laid out before you, right at the top of one of the hills overlooking the entire farm. the sun was just starting to set, casting a buttery golden light across everything. applejack was standing with her arms folded over her chest, trying to gauge your reaction.

you were speechless for a few seconds, taking everything in.

"do you, uh, like it?" your girlfriend asked, nervous.

"apple jack..." you looked around in wonder. "i love it! it's beautiful, oh my god," you gushed, wrapping your arms around her.

she laughed, lifting you up a bit. "i'm glad you like it," she chuckled, setting you down. "now, let's eat. pinkie made some cupcakes she wanted us to try."

the two of you watched the sun set from your spot on the hill, enjoying the food and each other's company. right before the sun dipped below the horizon, apple jack cleared her throat.

"so, uh," she began. she took a deep breath. "sugar, these last few years with you have been the best of my life. you are the sweetest, most gorgeous, kindest girl i've had the opportunity to know. if i died tonight, i'd die happy knowin' i was able to spend part of my life with you. but... i wanna spend more time with you. i want to wake up with you by my side every mornin' and go to bed with you every night. i want to be able to sit on the porch with you when we're old and tell our grandkids that i loved you my whole life." she shifted so that she was on one knee. she pulled out a ring. you gasped.

"i guess what im trying to say is, uh.. will you make me the happiest woman on earth.. and marry me?"

it took you a few seconds to process the words, but once you did, you leaped forward, engulfing her in a hug. "yes! i will, oh my god, i will!" you cried, nodding.

she laughed, wrapping her arms around you. after a few moments, she pulled back, gently taking your hand. she slipped the ring onto your finger, the gem sparkling in the fading sunlight. "i love you, sugarcube," she murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

human!applejack who falls for you slowly without realizing it. one day she just goes, "huh… I get real happy when she's around," and suddenly she's in love.

human!applejack who is absolutely an acts of service girlfriend. she fixes your fence, carries heavy stuff for you, bring you extra apples "just 'cause."

human!applejack who calls you "sugarcube," darling," and "sweetheart" without even thinking about it. you'll be blushing and she's just like, "what? that's just how I talk" which is partially true and partially not.

human!applejack who gets flustered when you flirt back even though you're literally dating.

human!applejack who notices If you're tired immediately. "you look worn out, sugarcube. come sit a spell." next thing you know you're dozed off in her jacket.

human!applejack who dates are super simple but perfect with: apple picking, sitting on the barn roof watching sunsets, picnics in sweet apple acres, late night talks in the kitchen.

human!applejack who's protective in the quiet way. she won't start fights, but if someone disrespects you she steps in immediately.

human!applejack who loves when you lean on her physically and emotionally. if you rest your head on her shoulder she gets all soft inside.

human!applejack who takes you to meet the family FAST. big mac already treats you like family, apple bloom thinks you're way more than good enough, and granny smith adores you.

human!applejack who worries she's not "proper" enough for you sometimes, especially if you're from the city or very elegant. you constantly have to reassure her she's perfect just the way she is :(

human!applejack who always kisses you warm and slow. she gives lots of forehead kisses, there's lots of hand holding, and she's always pulling you in by the waist. just big big big on physical touch.

human!applejack who is very, very proud to be your girlfriend. she mentions you in every conversation, whether it's about saving the world or just apples.

"what would sugarcube do against this typa threat..."

"that reminds me, me and my sweetheart were knockin' down the elder trees yesterday.

human!applejack who can only be calmed down by you when she's stressed from work.

human!applejack who blushes hard when you compliment her muscles, strength, work ethic, etc.

Applejack’s leaning against the door in her usual denim jeans, white blouse unbuttoned at the top. Her skin is sun warmed and golden, freckles scattered across her face like stardust.

There’s a faint sheen on her arms, the kind that only comes from a long day of work, and when she tilts her hat back, her muscles are tau — traces of sweat and moisture clear in afternoon light.

“Well look who’s back early,” you say, dusting your hands on your apron and smiling.

She grins—easy and a little cocky. “Couldn’t stay away once I caught a whiff of somethin’ bakin’. You tryin’ to spoil me, sugar?”

You huff a laugh, turning back to the oven as you clean up the counters with a damp rag. “It’s apple crisp, your favourite.”

Her boots click against the floor as she walks up behind you, close enough that you feel the heat radiating off her. “This here is why I love you,” she murmurs, and you can hear the smile in her voice.

You turn, ready to accuse her of only loving you because you can bake. But she’s already looking down at you, green eyes steady, thumb warm against your cheek as it brushes a smear of flour off.

“Well,” she says, voice a touch softer now, “guess I owe ya a thank you, somehow.”

You raise an eyebrow, smirk growing on your face. “Oh yeah? How’re you planning on doing that, cowgirl?”

Her grin widens. “Reckon I’ll think of somethin’ sweet.”

Her words hang in the air for a beat too long. Then, before you can say anything, she laughs under her breath and wraps her arms around you.

“Applejack!” you yell, trying to wriggle free as your clothes crumple against her hold. “You’re all sweaty-!”

She just chuckles, chin resting on your shoulder. “Well, of course. Takes hard work to look this good.”

You swat at her arm, still laughing, but she only tightens her hold for a second, her warmth sinking into you like sunlight. When she finally lets go, you’re blushing so hard you could probably bake another dessert from the heat on your face alone.

“Okay, enough! Go take a damn shower before you touch me again,” you turn your head in order to hide your blush, pretending to examine the numbers on the oven timer.

Her grin turns downright wicked. “Well now, ya didn’t seem to mind all that much last time I came home lookin’ like this.”

You blink. Is she…“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She tips her hat, eyes glinting. “Oh, nothin’, sugar. Just sayin’ you sure weren’t complainin’ last time when I came home and you-”

“APPLEJACK.”

She gives an unbothered laugh and finally releases you, heading down the hall as you groan into your flour dusted hands. 

“I call dibs on the biggest one!” she calls, and you swear you can hear the smirk in her voice.

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screaming. can you tell i have a thing for southern accents

okay as always i hope you guys enjoyed!