𝕮𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆

believe it or not i'm a total newbie when it comes to tumblr... as a certified nerd that's really embarrassing, but we all start somewhere (O_O)

my name's celestima, and i use she/her pronouns!! i'm a minor and aspiring novelist (so says 50000 other people on the internet). i'm not gonna sit here and hype up my own work but it wouldn't be too out of the ordinary if i posted a lot of it right :')

i adore a whole lot of anime, manga, and video games!! i even love comic books and sitcoms... jack of all trades honestly. i could talk about almost anything and everything for hours when it comes to media i like!!

talk to me about anything relating to my interests because that's probably gonna be such a massive chunk of what i upload + well... whatever new yume i'm fixated on next (￣▽￣)

Mizar: Megu, what's gotten into you? You haven't been answering a single of my messages!!!

Megumi: I've been busy. I didn't know it mattered so much to you.

Mizar: Well, of course it does! Who was gonna carry me and Nobara's sweets while we shopped?

Megumi: I'm not your escort. Surely you can carry your own things.

Mizar: Well, yeaaahh... But it's more fun having someone else do it!!!

Megumi: So needy...

Mizar: Megumi!!! (￣^￣)

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆

I don’t like summer. The weather’s too hot, it’s humid, and I can’t sit on the rooftop at school anymore. I end up staying home from school more often than not – I hate the idea of being separated from my AC. Today was another one of those days, really. I couldn’t be bothered to drag myself out of bed and put on my uniform… I didn’t really know how to tie my tie anymore, and it seemed like such a hassle to relearn all over again. Reo took on the habit of doing it for me every time we met, but… he’s still at Blue Lock. Probably working to be the best striker all on his own.

I let out a small sigh and stared at the ceiling, pricking myself with Choki to wake myself up. I winced and reached for my phone, completing all the daily logins for the games I play. This was the same routine that I was used to from all the way back then, but somehow, it still felt different. I liked being forgettable – a small, small part of the big universe. I didn’t care for anything because there was nothing to care for. It was always better that way. I didn’t need to be hurt.

I didn’t care for football, so I wasn’t all that hurt when I got locked off. I was glad that I could go back to my convenience, unbothered by rules and matches and everything that made my life so difficult. I didn’t like working, training… and it wasn’t like the people at Blue Lock were the friendliest. Everyone was so passionate – so angry. It was draining.

They were better off without me. Really, they were. I was only dragging everyone down, and it wasn’t as if I contributed anything to Manshine after that one play I did. I thought I’d beaten Isagi, but I didn’t. Then I fell off. Case closed. I was never meant for football in the first place – I should’ve never gone in the first place. Reo was the one who convinced me to do it, and Reo was the one who held my hand while we ran in. It was all Reo. He was the brains, the star… He had everything that I didn’t have so that he could make up for me and all my mistakes. I was the worst.

I groggily stared in the mirror and gazed at my toothbrush – only then realizing I’d gone weeks without brushing my teeth. I reached for it and lazily made the motions, my spit mixed with the foam dripping down my face. It was… disgusting, but I just wiped all that off with my shirt. Now I need a new shirt.

I looked through my mess of a closet and picked out a plain and purple short-sleeve polo top. Reo’d insisted we get ‘matching undershirts’ for our school’s summer uniform, because we didn’t really need to button up our jackets anymore around this time of year. He’d looked so happy buying them.

I went to the kitchen and looked around for something to eat – quickly spotting leftover egg sandwiches from my trip to the convenience store yesterday. I paired it with a can of instant coffee and sat down at the empty table. In hindsight, I guess I could admit the scene was a little depressing. But I was used to this – the loneliness. Football came and football went, same with Reo. Zantetsu… Chigiri… Isagi – whatever.

I finished my breakfast and went back to my bedroom, plopping into my gaming chair and logging online. I spotted Hiori in my friends list, and he was last online a month or two ago on our – well – their last day off before the World Cup. Everyone else were just small groups of online friends that’d ask me to join from time to time, but even they were all offline too. Probably busy at school. Maybe I should’ve just gone, today…

I ended up playing games for hours. I lost track of the time – and before long – the moon came up. It was a half-moon tonight, and for some reason, it lured me outside of my apartment. I put on my sneakers and left the building, looking up at the starry skies. Reo would always say that we weren’t the typical sun and moon – that we were these very stars and the moon. I don’t know why, but he always loved the night. Maybe it was because no one expected anything of him.

I got on my bike and aimlessly rode around, thinking about nothing other than the fact I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten anything since the morning, and there weren’t really any convenience stores nearby to grab bento dinners from. I knew about a few food stalls if I rode a little further into the city – I’d gone to the area with Reo a while before we were invited to Blue Lock. We shared these candied fruits, and mine ended up getting stuck in his hair… I want those fruits for dinner tonight.

When I arrived, the streets were packed with people. The atmosphere was different, probably due to all the couples that came by at this hour. I parked my bicycle and walked around, looking for the tanghulu vendor. I counted the amount of yen in my pocket, and I had exactly enough for the candied apple that I liked last time.

I eventually found my way and paid for everything. The candied apple was wrapped with the same care as last time, but it felt a little lighter in my hands. Apples weren’t ripe this time of year – which I’d learned while playing a bunch of cozy games and farming for hours. I unwrapped the candied apple and stuck my teeth into the bright red sphere, hurting my tooth while trying to get past the thick layer of caramel and sugar.

It’s definitely as sweet as I remembered it. Reo’s was also really good – I liked the grape. But I didn’t have enough yen to get that one. I continued walking around as I ate, looking at all the couples and families that came by to share a fun summer night. I never understood the appeal of all these events, but I always went to them with Reo. He loved the flashy parts of life – the things that’d make him feel like he was on top of the world with me. We’d watch fireworks and share takoyaki, and he’d insist on feeding me while making this grand show about how we’d forever be the best in the world. Now he had to be the best all on his own. He had to discover his own footing, and see that the world keeps moving even without me in it.

I found myself standing on the top of a relatively empty hill. It wasn’t that far away from my bicycle, so I sat down and looked up towards the sky. The stars encompassed the half-moon from this angle, as if they were all hugging it tightly. I held up my half eaten candied apple, and ironically enough, now it looked as if the moon was whole. The apple’s color was a lot more dimmed without blaring lights to make it redder – so it just looked a weird shade of reddish blue. Not quite purple. Not quite Reo. I finished off the sweet and tossed the stick aside. I continued to stare up at the sky without a care in the world.

…I think there’s something wrong. My vision was clouded, and my lips were quivering. I’d assumed I was getting a fever, so I put my hand to my forehead the way Reo did to me. It wasn’t warm – but my cheeks were. I felt something continuously trickling down my face, but only when the water hit the grass did I realize those were my own tears. I don’t know why I was crying – but when I asked myself that – I started sobbing even harder. I barely ever cried, I couldn’t even remember the last time I did. Now I was drawing the eyes of little boys and girls who were playing tag and rolling down the grass.

The more I wiped my eyes, the more tears spilled. Reo was always the one who’d carry handkerchiefs for situations like these, so all I had were my (now wet and snot-covered) arms. Remembering Reo made me cry even more, and I realized that he was probably the reason why I was acting like this. I missed him – more than anything. I miss Reo, and I miss playing football with him. They took me away from Reo – from our dream. That wasn’t fair. I want to see him again – to play football with him again. I want him to wash my hair and scold me for playing games… I want him to sit at the other end of the dinner table in my apartment just one more time. I want Reo back.

I gripped the grass with my fingers and sniffled, digging my feet into the soil. I liked my life when Reo was in it – I’d finally found a reason to get out of bed and brush my hair and my teeth. I’d managed to start eating healthier and take care of myself. All of that was because Reo was around to encourage me to do it, and now he was gone. Now I’m just the Seishiro who’ll die a lonely life and be forgotten in a few years. I hate this Seishiro – that old Seishiro. I don’t want to be him anymore.

Here's a Nagi && Reo interaction to make up for it!!!( ◠‿◠ )

♪───Ｏ（≧∇≦）Ｏ────♪

Maia gloomily clung onto Dahlia with a small frown on her face, her eyes lowered and tear-stained. She’d been on a losing streak when it came to basic trash-beast cleaning, more often than not making mistakes that cost people a few extra moments on the battlefield. She’d be spaced out from a fight or simply on some dangerous form of autopilot – and as a Cleaner – this wasn’t something to take lightly. While she knew it was probably for the best, Maia wasn’t allowed to come along on the mission that the rest of Team Child was sent on. She was now alone in her HQ bedroom, trying to come up with some sort of reason as to why she was in such a funk. Some sort of believable excuse that’d mean she’d be allowed to go back out – there was nothing more that she hated than being alone.

She kicked her feet against the edges of the bed and continued to wallow in her self-pity, eyeing the slightly open bedroom door that she was about to shut. Maia set Dahlia aside and quickly got up, unwilling to let anyone see her in such a sorry state. When she got to the door, she noticed a familiar blood-red eye peeking through the small gap. Maia stumbled aback and accidentally slammed the door in a fit of worry – her eyes wide and her breathing unsteady. People didn’t frequently see her upset, and she tried to keep it that way. Especially with Rudo.

Unfortunately for Maia, Rudo noticed the weird way she was acting and took the initiative to knock on the door to her room. He still wasn’t all that great with comfort, but he figured that Maia deserved the treatment she made sure to give everyone. His knocks were strong, but spread far apart – almost as if he too was panicked by the idea of simply saying the wrong thing. Maia stayed silent for a little while, but it wasn’t long before she eventually caved and ended up opening the door for him herself. She tried her best to hide the fact she’d cried, but even Rudo could see through the little lie. Maia sat back down at the edge of her bed and continued to cuddle Dahlia, tapping her foot against the stained floors that she couldn’t manage to clean up. Rudo put his hand on the back of his neck and sat down next to her, letting his elbows rest on his knees. He looked over to Maia and then to the ground – repeating this process a few times until he could find the words to say.

“...You were the one who said that it’s never nice to be alone when you’re sad,” commented Rudo. Maia pitifully laughed and shook her head, sighing. “Well— different rules apply to me,” replied the girl. It was clear that she didn’t mean what she said, but Rudo chose to play along with what she was saying either way. “That doesn’t seem fair at all. You can’t get special treatment just because you’re you,” argued Rudo. Maia held Dahlia even tighter and stumbled with her words, unable to reply back with anything that made any form of sense. She looked directly at Rudo for the first time ever since they started talking, and something about his sincerity made her cave. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m almost never like this,” muttered Maia. Rudo thought for a few moments and looked back at Maia, narrowing his eyes when he spotted the caked-up grime on Maia’s glasses. “Doesn’t mean you’ve a reason to hide it away from everyone. You talk big about helping others and being everyone’s friend, but you and I both know that’s gotta apply to ‘yerself first,” remarked Rudo. Maia definitely deemed the lecture a little uncalled for – but coming from Rudo – it was comforting. “I guess you’ve got a point. Can’t help others before helping yourself…” agreed Maia. The two went silent for a few moments afterwards, but it was a silence that felt pleasant above all else.

It took a while before the two finally got back to talking again, but the question Rudo asked couldn’t have been more simple (in theory). “So… talk. What’s wrong?” inquired the boy, raising a brow towards Maia. She loosened her grip on Dahlia and peeked at the cracked picture-frame by her bed. It was a picture of her and her dad from when they were little, and it was always around this time that it brought her to tears just by looking at it. “I’m all about moving forward, but I just wish he could’ve been here to take those steps with me. The day he died’s coming up soon – and even if it’s my birthday – I’m always sad when it comes around,” monologued Maia. The death anniversary of her father and her birthday tragically coincided, so there was always a seat that no one could fill whenever she looked around at all the people celebrating with her. Rudo blankly stared at Maia for a few more moments and sighed, finally understanding what’s been hurting her so much lately. “It’s not like I don’t get that. Regto would’ve been an awesome Cleaner, hah…” joked Rudo. Maia let out a small chuckle and looked over at the Cleaner’s armband she folded away – getting up to grab it and show Rudo.

“It… probably does look it because of all the rips, but this was my dad’s very own armband back when he was a Cleaner himself,” began Maia – handing it to Rudo before continuing, “when he’d come back from missions, he’d always tell me the ‘epic’ stories about the way he took down trash-beasts. He sounded like a totally different man on the battlefield… I just wish I could’ve seen it for myself,” finished the girl. Rudo listened while he inspected the band, tracing the logo with his gloved index. Maia sat next to him and leaned her head forward, a melancholy smile on her face. “Pretty cool, right?” asked Maia, looking at him from a closer angle. Rudo’s face flushed a pale red before nodding his head, quietly giving it back to her.

Maia set it on her lap and looked down at it, sighing. “He’d always tell me I couldn’t do a bunch of things until I turned 16. Now that it’s coming up, I realize I broke so many of the rules without him keeping me in check,” snickered Maia. Rudo – curious as ever – tilted his head in curiosity. “Huh? Like what?” asked Rudo, earning a cheeky grin out of Maia. “Talking to boys, becoming a Cleaner, going out alone…” listed Maia, smiling as she recalled all the protective rules her father put in place for her. Rudo awkwardly looked to the side when she mentioned the first one, scratching the back of his head. Maia caught on and giggled, shaking her hands. “I’m sure he would’ve liked you! Probably! Maybe!” teased Maia. Rudo looked back at the now smiling Maia and calmed himself down, a little relieved that she was starting to feel better.

“I didn’t know you were such a rule-breaker…” mumbled Rudo – leaving Maia unsure as to whether he was being serious or not. Either way, she laughed and shrugged. “Guess there’s a lot you’ve yet to see! But I’ll have to take you to meet my dad when my birthday comes around… That’d be the biggest rule-break of all!” enthusiastically hollered Maia. Rudo then pictured Maia and Regto meeting, and the thought just left another scenario Rudo wished to happen. Maia noticed the way he was the one who looked a little dejected now – so she tutted and put the armband away, folding her arms while looking at Rudo. “You can’t go see him when you’re all frowny like that – I can’t either!” scolded Maia, her tone serious but her face brimming with sunshine.

Rudo looked up at her and pouted, telling her about the scenario he just thought about. Maia had a bittersweet smile on her face, looking at Rudo again. “If it’s worth anything, our dads would’ve been really good friends,” comforted Maia. Rudo nodded his head at the idea and perked up with her as well, getting up from her bed. “Guess we’ll just have to tell your dad all about Regto too, then…” suggested the boy. Maia nodded eagerly and let out a couple small claps, picking herself back up from her previous state. She walked towards her bedroom door, and right when she was about to leave – she paused.