dreaming alone.

Hello? I’m literally the heir of Celadon Inc. I practically lived at the biggest department store in the region. Why would I need to order anything online? Mm, whatever you say. Never said I wanted to fight strangers online. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be so quick to trust them.

... Because your family’s department store, while varied in its stock, does not have everything? Duh? There’s usually no reason not to trust them, I mean - they’re established sellers who do steady business. Why risk their reputation over a little deal like that? Never said I wanted to fight strangers either, just that I could defend myself adequately if I had to.

Yeah but still…13 year old girl given the power to potentially fuck up everything just to do more schoolwork? I don’t buy it. Totally means it’s moot. At this point I think even you don’t even remember why you decided to use  her as evidence. 

True. She could have wrecked the entire space-time continuum. What’s to say that she hasn’t already? And the narrative we’re following is the one where reality hasn’t fractured and collapsed in its entirety. Ha. Law-yered.

They’re a bit too squishy for me. I’m not a huge fan of Spheals for the same reason.

Excuse you. Bloo has abs, and tons of muscle. Just that they’re shy and hide under a nice, comfortable layer of fat.

Can you even do that? I’m pretty sure meeting up with people from eBay’s not really the best move. That’s how people, y’know, get kidnapped and murdered. It’s not like you’re the best judge anyways considering you blow all your money on pot. I’d probably kick your ass after a couple of moves.

Haven’t you ever bought anything online? Like, user to user, off a site? That’s how it’s supposed to work. Plus, I’ve got a sword and a blubbering blob of fat on me. I’m not that easy to take down - whoever’s skilled enough to beat me that quickly probably is out hunting for bigger game as opposed to strangers from the Internet. 

And yet they entrusted that kind of magic to a 14 year old girl. I know she was hella smart, but even I can see that was a shitty idea. I kinda miss the days when I was too young to see the holes in the magic. Just checkin’. A point you basically destroyed by using Umbridge as evidence. 

In Hermione’s defence ... She’s probably more responsible than I’ll ever be, and I’m like ... 24. I think. Hey now - just because I used Umbridge as evidence and she was a horrible person doesn’t mean that it’s moot! That’s an .. expecto hominem or something.

I got it, I just didn’t get it get it. Like if they could time travel, why were they only using it so that Hermione could pick up a few extra classes. What the fuck, magical community? No wonder Voldemort nearly ended you all. Smoked? Like weed? Says the girl who managed to quote her to make a point.

Probably because they didn’t wanna fuck with the timeline too badly, I’m guessing. Butterfly effect and all that. I don’t know! I read somewhere that Harry Potter is meant to be read and experienced as a fairytale where consistency in world-building and whatnot shouldn’t be expected so ... I’m gonna bury my head in the sand and go with that. No, no, me- Yes, I meant weed. That’s because I’m unscrupulous when it comes to making a point.

Well, he’s your pokemon and most trainer’s consider anything their pokemon does to be cute.

How can you deny that a Munchlax in any capacity’s cute?

I nearly fell asleep the first time reading through Prisoner of Azkaban but reading it a second time made me love it, and the rest leading up to OotP were awesome but then you just hit blahness. And I guess? But I mean she was scarred for the rest of her life by it so I guess that’s pretty bad already, yeah? Eh the movie was okay. Not at all how I imagined any of it but at least I can sit through it. 

The whole time-travelling thing was a bit too much for young me to grapple with. I only really understood it when I smoked for the first time and it just .. boom, became clear to me. Also: logarithms and polynomials. Still. I got so mad that anyone could be on Umbridge’s side. Just ... URGH! 

If you’re not that attached, I say go for it. Or even if you are attached; I’m sure they’d figure out what was up with Bloo and get him back to you in a few months, and not just hang onto him permanently. Huh. I never even thought about getting an actual degree in training. So do you think you’re going to be a league champ someday yourself, or just coach the next one to victory?

What, no! There’s nothing wrong with Bloo. I was making a joke. He’s just ... not cut out for fighting, I suppose! There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll make do with Excalibur, and whoever else I catch. No way I’m letting Bloo be put in some lab and studied. Uh, I’ve got no idea, actually. I kinda wanna do the gym challenge, if only for the novelty of it. The degree was just to get my parents off my ass.

Well, that’s a nice cushion to have. I’m sure it’ll be handy in some situations. Ouch, that doesn’t sound fun. I’m guessing Excalibur is the name of one of your Pokemon and not the mythical sword? Most guys get scared away when I’ve got Garfield around me and then if he doesn’t do the job, Virgil likes to sneak up on them and hit them with a lightning bolt to make them scatter. My Pokemon have my back.

My Honedge. I named him so because whoever can pick him up without him sucking the life out of you, I’ll personally crown the King/Queen of Everything. I think it’s always more threatening to be the one holding a sword. What if they get mad and try and challenge you to a Pokemon battle? Though I’m sure you could hold your own and come up on top just fine. Only ... Urgh, troublesome!

Ewwww… that’s really gross.

It’s a cute kinda gross, in my opinion.

Doesn’t count in this instance. And probably but then again I hate the fifth book. Between Umbridge being in it too much and the whole thing with Sirius at the end. Nope nope nope. I skim through it whenever I reread the series. 

I say it counts so it does. Same, it was just so ... lame. And that snitch should’ve gotten worse than just some acne. The Battle was awesome though, that you must admit. First time we see a full-fledged balls to the wall duel between two crazy strong wizards.

Oh yeah, he’ll probably be a lot more open to fighting if he feels like he knows what he’s doing ahead of time. Does he watch with you? Sometimes they get jealous of the Pokemon on screen getting to do more than them and it makes them wanna go out and train, I’ve heard. Right… and they give you degrees without making you do more hands-on stuff? Really?

I know all these things, I mean ... Degree, but I’m this close to submitting Bloo as a research subject to represent a statistical anomaly in the world of Pokemon. And well, the degree says Pokemon Training, but it’s more Pokemon Trainer Training, like a coach and shit. I did have to clock a few battles, have a win/lose ratio above 3, but that was college, and somehow these two idiots showed up when I needed them to.

Mhm, I guess I am. You went to University? Wow, that’s pretty amazing. I wish I’d had that opportunity. Yup– I usually get stuck handing out leaflets to people. Or, if there’s a festival going on, sometimes booths like to hire me to chat up potential customers. Having a pretty face has its perks.

Yeaaa, parents wanted me to have something to fall back on, just in case this whole Pokemon League thing didn’t work out. Same, I mostly just pick up whatever’s available. I tried that thing once ... Didn’t work out after I used Excalibur to threaten some fuckboy who wouldn’t stop trying to pick me up.

I didn’t say anything, Your Weirdness. I just sneezed.

Shut up, Your Nerdjesty. I wasn’t talking to you. Was hyping myself up. 

Sawks do not have horns, Nolan. Get your shit together. Please, you’e not a nerd Nolan. You’re a stoner and it’s high time you realize it and stick to the status quo. Dear Arceus, didn’t you learn anything from High School Musical? Maybe that’s because Bloo’s always half-stoned from all the secondhand smoke he’s been inhaling and he constantly has the munchies.

Neither does Hellboy! He’s just got these nubs where they used to be. Sawks are red and built. Pincers are just ... What even? Hey, a stoner nerd is a completely acceptable stereotype. DON’T EVEN TRY AND LECTURE ME ON HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, TROY AND GABRIELLA TAUGHT ME THAT THERE WAS NO STAR IN HEAVEN THAT I COULDN’T REACH.

Ew, that’s really gross. Why wouldn’t he spit it out? He should have known full and well it was making him sick.

He probably thought that it was chewing gum or something, I dunno. I didn’t major in Pokemon Psychology!