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this gets funnier every year 

The year is 2042. Your daughter is awkwardly silent as she eats her dinner. “Something wrong sweetie?” She sighs and puts down her fork. “I was digging really deep in AO3 last night…Why didn’t you finish that coffee shop au?” It happened. Your past has come back to haunt you. Nay, it never truly left.

U CANNOT OUTRUN UR CRIME

OKAY BUT WAIT. This has happened to me. Recently. Because I am old and I have things out there from previous fandoms with previous pseuds and one day my teenager begins a rant at me about people never finishing any WIPs on the pit of voles (which he does not call the pit of voles because he has No Knowledge of such a thing but yet he still reads on which I didn’t think anyone did any longer) and he points out an example to me of something I WROTE AND LEFT WIPing for ages and he has NO IDEA #1 that his mom wrote this and #2 How much it still haunts me to this day that it will. sit. there. for. eternity. because I am too lazy to pull it down.

oh my god

Every year, this becomes both more funny, and more painful, and for both of those reasons, it should never be lost or forgotten.

This is one of those true, declassified government things that always sounds made up but one of the things Henry Kissinger did with his career was use the CIA to help turn small, prosperous socialist nations into fascist dictatorships just to keep those nations powerless and possibly to keep socialist systems *looking* doomed and futile to the American public, like maybe just to scare Americans out of demanding better infrastructure or universal income. Yes it sounds like an insane conspiracy theory a maniac would invent. It also happened multiple times and several generations of people around the world are still living in misery because of it.

Remember folks, the two types of conspiracy theory are "Things the CIA or FBI has admitted to doing" and "Antisemitism"

^and essential oils scam. don't forget the essential oils scam

you ever have 8,045 bad mental health days in a row

you ever have 8,046 bad mental health days in a row

thats 22 years of bad mental health are you okay

you ever have 8,050 bad mental health days in a row

They’re deactivated now and I really hope they are okay, but my nihilism is telling me something else. :(

Men like to believe theyd be great in apocalypse scenarios but they dont even know how to sew

Some male friends of mine were once talking about how useful they’d be in an apocalypse, and I pointed out that as a weaver and sewer and maker of stuff, I’d be pretty damn useful and they tried to tell me they could just loot clothes from WalMart and they’d be fine. As if WalMart has endless supplies without weekly deliveries.

Dudes think the apocalypse only lasts for six seasons and a movie

This is how I ended up at the top of so many people’s “Contact if apocalypse happens” list…

Reblog if you think it’s okay to platonically say “I Love You” to your friends

Slams the reblog button so damn fast

there has not been a day in the last week when I haven’t told my friends I love them

tell people you love them. you have enough love to give, so give it generously - you don’t know who needs to hear it

Tumblr is such an... Interesting place. Over 75% of you are white. None of you listen to rap or music that you cannot personally relate to. This site is mostly usamerican. No one researches anything. A hostile environment is bred through self imposed ignorance and denial. You guys are queer but hate trans women. You don't know non-European or us history, and those accounts you only know from the European and US perspective. You're mentally ill but you really hate people who have the bad mental illnesses that make you act out in public or aren't easily masked.

Oh yeah and none of you know any nonwhite history of either of the above places because you're a very thinly veiled racist who doesn't care the education sucked and how were you supposed to know????

before anyone hijacks my mutual's post with more bullshit (because i've seen the racist replies you give her and frankly i'm sick of it and very angry) the easiest, bare minimum way to remedy this "the US education system doesn't teach us anything!" problem people on here love to use as an excuse is you can pick up a fucking book from your nearest library. search for book recs if you're stuck. anything. not that difficult of a task but apparently a lot of you are allergic to learning about things that aren't fanfiction tropes or whatever. i shouldn't feel the need to spoonfeed strangers simple information like this, but this is the piss on the poor site, after all.

spotify is raising prices again here's the apk that gives you premium for free

and here's the desktop version for Windows with adblock and skip-bypass BlockTheSpot

i fuckign queued this and forgot abt it and got scared cuz i thought i was hacked or smth. anyways happy june eleventh

reblog while its still true 

[ID: Three-panel comic with two stick figures. Figure 1 is standing and says "doctor I would like to turn green." Figure 2 is sitting at a desk and says "you realize that if you take the medication that turns you green, you'll turn green, right?" Figure 1 says "yeah that's the point." Figure 1 is then shown holding a pill bottle with text reading "pills that make you green [] (warning: will give you green skin)." They say: "now that I have these pills I just have to take them every single day to turn green, this is great." A time jump to several months later and Figure 1 is now green, saying "unsurprisingly I don't regret this thing I did on purpose for several months" /End description]

thank you for finding the op!

twitter user tpwrtrmnky seems pretty cool, wonder if she's on any other platforms

obsessed with mass market paperbacks. their pleasing rectangular proportions. how they fit badly in a hoodie pocket so you can drag them around everywhere with you like a temporary little buddy. the way they fit in your hand because they're MADE for human hands and not as bookshelf decoration. the way the pages feel when you riffle them gently with your thumb. How pristine and crisp they look when you get them and how creased and folded they look when you're done, even if you try to be nice to them. how that wear is okay, how that's correct actually, because they're made with the philosophy that books aren't meant to be PRETTY, they're meant to be read. that little ripple new ones get on the left side from where you hold them when you're reading, the way the ripple only goes as far as you've read, because u change stories by reading as they are changing you. how you can find thousands of these creased and folded and loved little dudes in every thrift store and used book shop and neighborhood library and you can instantly see the ones that someone carried around in a backpack for weeks or read to pieces or gave up on halfway through because they wear being read like fresh snow wears footprints. I love these poorly made, subpar little rectangles so much. truly the people's books.

no more all star casts. “motion picture” starring “some cunt you’ve never heard of” coming to theatres soon