Mind in a Corset

So Irina falls pregnant again. This is already a disaster. She didn't want to bring another child into this situation. But she can't bring herself to end the pregnancy either. She needs someone, anyone in the house to be on her side. She's so desperately lonely. So she keeps it.

But then at one of her scans she learns it's twins and dreads the life that she'd have if she came home from the hospital with two babies. Grigory is already so jealous of Alexei and the new unborn baby, she knows he would be vile if there was another child to take her attention. Desperate, she finds an organisation willing to discreetly help her put one of her babies up for adoption. (Idk how she keeps it from Grigory yet, just go with it – he doesn't know).

She gives birth, and has to make the impossible choice. She keeps Ilya, and without Grigory or Alexei or Ilya ever knowing about the other baby, she gives him away.

Fast forward 30 years or so, secret Rozanov twin (let's call him Daniel) is living his best comfortable, openly queer life with a warm and supportive mum and dad in England (because it's always fun to imagine Connor doing even more accent work). He's a dancer, is managing to get pretty good work on the West End, life is good. He knows he's adopted, but he's long since abandoned any hope of finding his birth family. There's just no trace of them anywhere. He gave up looking for them years ago.

That is, until he gets cast in the same show as A-list actress Rose Landry. He's really not expecting her to pay attention to him – the really big stars usually keep to themselves – but as they're introduced she looks at him and is like "Holy shit. Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Ilya Rozanov?"

And Daniel is so thrown by this that he's just like "Who the fuck is that when he's at home?"

Everyone holds their breath, expecting Rose to be offended, but she just laughs.

"Oh shit, I forgot that you aren't that big on hockey here. He's a friend of mine, a professional hockey player. And I swear to god you look identical to him. It's actually crazy."

She types a quick Google search and shows him a picture and when she turns the screen to him to show him, Daniel literally gasps because she wasn't fucking joking. It's like looking in a very slightly warped mirror. He's bigger, and there's something harder about his face, but those eyes, those lips, the nose – they're all just like his.

"Holy shit," he says, taking the phone from her to get a better look. And Rose nods like 'Yeah, see what I mean?' as she pulls him aside, out of earshot of the rest of the cast.

Daniel's heart is racing as he looks up at her again. It's impossible, it's probably nothing, but at the same time they have the same fucking face. He can't just laugh it away. And the name. Rozanov. A Russian name. The coincidences are just too crazy.

"Would you believe me if I told you I was adopted?" He asks and Rose's eyebrows shoot up.

"How long ago?"

"About 30 years ago."

Rose's eyebrows climb still higher.

"From here?"

"From Russia."

"Holy shit."

"Holy shit," Daniel agrees.

"Well that does it. You're coming to my hotel room tonight. I think we're going to need wine for the rest of this conversation."

And he doesn't think he needs to, but his body feels so disconnected from his head that he finds himself saying without thinking, "Just for the record, I'm gay. So I don't..."

And to his relief Rose grins.

[1] [2] [3] [4] 5

went on vacation and did not read as much as normally. Here you go with some old reads, some new, all worthy. As always, more vibes than specific topic, everything is hollanov unless stated otherwise, check the tags inside, etc. Enjoy!

all posts | my ao3 | main reclist post

Winner's Curse by Cecily_v, liminalmemories (e, 60k, centaurs first year)

How this fic shows Shane on that first year defaulting to Hollander and how it works from Ilya's POV is so so so well done that I basically forced myself to pace the reading because I really did not want it to end. The team, their communication, the relationship with everyone and how you can see that Shane trying to be perfect, to be what he thinks he’s supposed to be is consuming them both (and the incredible landing of the end) makes this my fav first year with the centaurs fic right now. Simply a delightful read if you love to suffer and be rewarded by it in the end (it is my case).

free rein by eleadore (e, 18k, undernegotiated cnc during situationship)

this fic changed my brain chemistry the first time I clicked on it. I think it was the first or one of the first cnc I read for them and it really hits the spot of undernegotiated kink, extremely hot, and a writing that honestly made me want to eat my phone (very positive). Just. Click the link and lose your mind with me.

To have and to hold by Sirens_Scales (e, 4k, first night married smut, commitment kink)

Sometimes you need mushy lovely hot newlywed hollanov smut and sometimes you are so lucky to get it. All hail ao3. The dialogues are quick and funny and the smut just sent me to the stratosphere.

[REDACTED] by CorvidCordelia (e, 33k, Red for Hunt October AU)

Walk with me and with the writer on this one. Watched this movie last year for the first time and I already thought there was PLENTY yaoi potential in it, and the fact that someone did this for hollanov made me jump over my usually non-interest for full-AUs and boy I am happy I did it. Feral about them together honestly.

911, Jackie speaking (t, 6,5k, outsider pov after Ilya takes a hit)

Ilya smiled at the understatement.

"We couldn't be prouder of the man he's become,' David continued. "I don't have any Stanley Cup rings, but I have Shane.''

Chapter 39, The Long Game

....

It's Christmas of 1988.

There's one more present under the tree, and Yuna's eyes are dancing as she hands it to David. He opens it to find the tiniest pair of shoes he's ever seen.

"No. Really?" He's dizzy.

"Really," Yuna grins, and her eyes are shining with tears, and David loves that face more than anything. He hopes their baby looks just like her.

.....

It's a bitterly cold day in February of 1989 when David puts the shoes away. He pushes down all the anger of it's not fair, why us, why our baby. Yuna needs him.

The doctor had said you're young, you can try again.

pairing: tommy/ofc, bucktommy endgame word count: 34k tags: pre-s1 canon divergence; alternate s7; closeted character/coming out; kid fic; wip amnesty

Notes for the uninitiated: wip amnesty was an event where people would share their wip's with no obligation to finish. they're posted as-is and with the understanding that this is their final form. i started writing this in december 2024 and stopped writing it in february/march 2025. currently, i will not be writing more in this single dad tommy universe.

---

Summary:

The weird and fraught but eventually great adventures of single dad Tommy Kinard.

Excerpt:

Enormous thanks to @screamlet for answering questions, making the hockey bits realistic, and reading them more than once for logic.  Any remaining mistakes belong entirely to @cecilyv and me.

Six months, just shy of 60,000 words, and this is the final chapter.

Chapter 1 - Summer

Chapter 2 - Training Camp

Chapter 3 - Preseason

Chapter 4 - Season: October 13-28

Chapter 5 - Season: October 28-November 19

Chapter 6 - Season: November 21-December 7

Chapter 7 - Season: December 8-15

*NEW * Chapter 8 - Season: December 16-??

Gets his first inkling of what Shane deciding to not care looks like the next morning when they park and Shane shifts his bag to his other shoulder so he can reach for Ilya’s hand as they walk in. Stares at it for a beat too long, and Shane waggles it impatiently until he takes it, threads their fingers together and continues their conversation from the car about the new Raider’s left winger and his tendency to telegraph when he’s going to deke left and if that’s a weakness they can exploit, like he hasn’t shifted Ilya’s world on its axis.

Spends all of practice waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Shane is utterly normal. Chirps him on the scrimmage line, gloats when his line wins, makes a face at the gatorade Ilya takes from the fridge – “You don’t love me anymore?”

He almost drops the gatorade in shock. “What?”

Shane nods at the bottle in his hand. “You know that strawberry is empirically the worst flavor, right?” closes the gap between them, whispers in his ear, “Do you not want me to kiss you?”

He is still staring at Shane while the locker room devolves into a debate about how to rank the flavors of gatorade.

Tunes back in when he hears Z say, “Point of order.”

“Christ, not you too?” he bemoans to the air.

Dykstra says seriously, “We failed in our duty as parents.” He snorts.

Waves a hand at Z. “Yes? You had a comment?”

“Actually, pedialyte is superior to gatorade, and the tropical fruit flavor slaps.”

Which is sufficiently heretical to stop all conversation in the room for a solid 30 seconds, before Holmberg manages to regroup enough to explain to Z why he’s wrong in extreme detail.

Harris waylays them all as they’re getting ready for practice the next day. “Social media time,” he announces. “New challenge for you. Who can open velcro the fastest and quietist.”

Shane gives him a sidelong look under his lashes. “Ilya can’t do anything quietly.”

Holmberg hoots and Bood gives him a startled look, and looks at Ilya to see if he read that right. Ilya gives him a small nod, and Bood grins. “So, when I room next to you, you’re saying Ilya’s calling out his own name?”

Enormous thanks to @screamlet for answering questions, making the hockey bits realistic, and reading them more than once for logic.  Any remaining mistakes belong entirely to @cecilyv and me.

Six months, just shy of 60,000 words, and this is the final chapter.

Chapter 1 - Summer

Chapter 2 - Training Camp

Chapter 3 - Preseason

Chapter 4 - Season: October 13-28

Chapter 5 - Season: October 28-November 19

Chapter 6 - Season: November 21-December 7

Chapter 7 - Season: December 8-15

*NEW * Chapter 8 - Season: December 16-??

Gets his first inkling of what Shane deciding to not care looks like the next morning when they park and Shane shifts his bag to his other shoulder so he can reach for Ilya’s hand as they walk in. Stares at it for a beat too long, and Shane waggles it impatiently until he takes it, threads their fingers together and continues their conversation from the car about the new Raider’s left winger and his tendency to telegraph when he’s going to deke left and if that’s a weakness they can exploit, like he hasn’t shifted Ilya’s world on its axis.

Spends all of practice waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Shane is utterly normal. Chirps him on the scrimmage line, gloats when his line wins, makes a face at the gatorade Ilya takes from the fridge – “You don’t love me anymore?”

He almost drops the gatorade in shock. “What?”

Shane nods at the bottle in his hand. “You know that strawberry is empirically the worst flavor, right?” closes the gap between them, whispers in his ear, “Do you not want me to kiss you?”

He is still staring at Shane while the locker room devolves into a debate about how to rank the flavors of gatorade.

Tunes back in when he hears Z say, “Point of order.”

“Christ, not you too?” he bemoans to the air.

Dykstra says seriously, “We failed in our duty as parents.” He snorts.

Waves a hand at Z. “Yes? You had a comment?”

“Actually, pedialyte is superior to gatorade, and the tropical fruit flavor slaps.”

Which is sufficiently heretical to stop all conversation in the room for a solid 30 seconds, before Holmberg manages to regroup enough to explain to Z why he’s wrong in extreme detail.

Harris waylays them all as they’re getting ready for practice the next day. “Social media time,” he announces. “New challenge for you. Who can open velcro the fastest and quietist.”

Shane gives him a sidelong look under his lashes. “Ilya can’t do anything quietly.”

Holmberg hoots and Bood gives him a startled look, and looks at Ilya to see if he read that right. Ilya gives him a small nod, and Bood grins. “So, when I room next to you, you’re saying Ilya’s calling out his own name?”

As ever, but maybe more than usual this chapter, thanks to @screamlet for making the hockey plot plausible, @cecilyv and I are very grateful.

Chapter 1 - Summer

Chapter 2 - Training Camp

Chapter 3 - Preseason

Chapter 4 - Season: October 13-28

Chapter 5 - Season: October 28-November 19

Chapter 6 - Season: November 21-December 7

* NEW * Chapter 7 - Season: December 8-15

In hindsight, talking to Hunter about it feels prophetic in the worst way. Like he manifested every nightmare he’s had in the last five years, every worry that’s kept him awake at night this season.

He sees Shane get boarded, sees him break loose, kick the puck free, and then he sees him go down. Doesn’t actually realize what happened until he watches replay footage later. Shane broke free, kicked the puck loose, and Minnesota’s veteran defenseman tangled his stick with Shane’s skates. He went down hard. He doesn’t get back up.

Game play stops. Ilya feels like his heart stops.

It doesn’t start again until Shane moves, tries to push himself up and can’t.

Hops the boards without really realizing he’s moving.  No one stops him. “Shane.”  Shane’s eyes are focusing. He’s trying to sit up. This isn’t like last time.

“I’m okay.”  He drops to one knee and strips off his glove to reach for Shane’s hand. “Ilya, I’m fine. I swear.”

“Stay down, wait for the medics.”

Shane rolls his eyes. “Just help me up. I’m fine.”

“Shane.”

Shane looks over his shoulder. “Haas, help me up?”

He twists to glance behind him.  Haas and Chouinard are hovering, keeping the space around them clear.  Haas looks concerned, but also amused. “Yeah, no, I’m gonna go with Cap on this one. Let’s wait for the medics. You went down pretty hard.”

“Traitor,” Shane mutters, but by then the medics are there. They say there’s probably no concussion, but they want to err on the side of caution. And either way he definitely needs x-rays before they let him back on the ice.

Shane gives in with ill grace, but fast enough that Ilya thinks he’s probably hurting more than he lets on.

Day 1: Your oldest WIP

I don't know how to explain this. @liminalmemories21 and I have been friends for <ahem> a long time. Our story is complicated and involves livejournal (mine), international travel (mine), and an ex (mine) before we had an IRL friendship based around food. And then I moved. Far, far away, and suddenly we just had fanfic. So if you ever wonder how you stay friends with someone over distance and time? It's fanfic. Our journey, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (January 2009), began with Merlin. Like it does. We have... over 50k of a story written that will never see the light of day. We wrote it because -- we love each other. And Edinburgh. And there was not a lot that you could do together in 2009 over a continent other than write? So we wrote. A lot.

So, here you go. Our origin story. Chapter 1 of a story that will never fully see the light of day but that exists in our google docs and kept us close enough together until Buck and Tommy's fateful kiss.

This is a love story. It's just maybe not Merlin and Arthur's love story.

+++++++++++

Merlin University of Edinburgh Academic AU

Chapter 1 - Summer

Chapter 2 - Training Camp

Chapter 3 - Preseason

Chapter 4 - October 13-28

Chapter 5 - October 28-November 19

* NEW * Chapter 6 - November 21-December 7

As ever, many thanks to @screamlet​ for hockey-picking, any hockey mistakes that remain belong to @cecilyv​ and I.

This is the calm before the storm.

Bood’s the one who breaks the silence. “This season is different isn’t it.”

He makes a face at the ceiling. “Yes.”

“We’re getting hit more. The games are rougher.”

“Yes.”

“The refs keep making calls against us.”

“Yes.”

Looks over and sees Bood looking at him with exasperation. “Talk to me.”

He looks at the timer and heaves himself out of the ice bath. “Is a conversation we should have with Wiebe too.” And he doesn’t want to have to have it twice.

Bood makes a thoughtful noise, but just follows him out of the baths to the showers and then down the hall to Wiebe’s office.

They have all adjusted to the hits, the defensemen do their job, and deliver their own – and to the refs small benefit, they at least are even here and do not call these fouls. They’re still adjusting to the refs, but Bood and he do not argue; “head down on ice,” they tell the locker room. “Do not show frustration. Take frustration out by skating hard, clean hits. We are still winning.”

He’d hoped that would be enough, to play through it. That they could keep what Crowell had said to themselves, but if Bood is seeing it, bringing it up with his captain, the ways that it is very clearly (and statistically) affecting the team, then they cannot stay silent about it any longer, at least Wiebe and Bood need to know.

Wiebe’s face shutters, and he really really doesn’t want to have been wrong about him. He’d promised Shane.

“The fuck?” Bood says. “That why Hollander–” doesn’t even finish the question. “Of course it is. Dumb question. Ignore me.”

Chapter 1 - Summer

Chapter 2 - Training Camp

Chapter 3 - Preseason

* NEW * Chapter 4 - October 13-28

@cecilyv and I would be remiss if we did not thank @screamlet for the invaluable read through and hockey-picking. Any mistakes are our own; they tried their best.

He and Shane are making dinner, focused on picking apart New Jersey’s defense, when he answers Farah’s call a day later.

“I’m guessing neither one of you has checked your email this afternoon.” She sounds annoyed, but he doesn’t think it’s at them.

He glances at Shane, who shakes his head. They’ve been enjoying the last free evening they’re going to have in a while. “No. Why?” Although he’s clicking over to his email even as he asks the question. Scrolling down the page of spam, news alerts, note from the vet about an appointment for Anya, email from the pest control people for the house, something from Yuna about the foundation. And there it is. Email from Crowell.

He clicks on it, and makes a face.

Shane has also found it on his phone, and is reading it. He’s tempted to let Shane’s reactions tell him what he needs to know, but Farah is waiting so he reads it. Skims it and then goes back to read it more slowly, to make sure he is not missing something.

“He wants a meeting? Tomorrow? We are traveling.”

Chapter 1 - Summer

Chapter 2 - Training Camp

* NEW * Chapter 3 - Pre-Season 

(You may also notice the chapter numbers fluctuating. It’s all written; @cecilyv and I are just reconfiguring how we want to break it up.)

The first preseason game is usually a nothing game. Half the time he would barely even play in it, too senior, no need to court injury. But this year is different, and everyone knows it. This year, their stands are filled. He does not kid himself that they’re here to see him. They’re here to see Shane. See what their money bought them. Okay, be more charitable. They are here to see their native son come home, play for the team he rooted for as a child. Maybe also see him skating with his arch rival. Who he married. It’s a good story.

When the team skates out, one by one, the roar the crowd lets out for Shane is deafening. He ducks his head, and smiles, and waves at them. Ilya looks around. There are scattered pride flags in the stands, and at least one sign that says Ilya ♥️ Shane. He grins at them, and makes a mental note to ask Gen to find them and give them merch. Shane will hate it, but it is not as if they are wrong.

Looks up when the screen flashes a shot of the family box. Yuna and David are there, standing with Bood’s wife, and Hazy’s sister and her wife. Lisa is working tonight, remembers Hazy telling them she was mad she would miss the opener, even if it was still just pre-season. They wave at the camera, and then at the ice. Has never had family in the stands who were proud of him before.