I'll Make This Feel Like Home

I found out before the news officially broke by legitimate news sources in America. We’d get these alerts about national/global breaking news before it was announced via our news production program. Like a heads up if you will. A, “Hey this is what’s going on, we’re working on confirmation.”

I had gone home for the day. My coworker - and very good friend - texted me and was like, “Hey so Liam Payne allegedly died. I wanted you to hear it from a friend before any news source.” (This wasn’t verbatim, she was much kinder.)

I couldn’t believe it.

When I Googled it, (I think) only TMZ and some Argentinian news source had reported it. Then I refreshed and saw CNN had confirmed it and that’s when I knew it was real. Really real.

And I couldn’t process it on my own time. Not on my own terms. Not when I felt ready, not when I felt I was in a safe space where I could get emotional. Anything about his death and the circumstances behind it was newsworthy and there it was, in my face. At work. All the time. Gut punch after gut punch. It was really bad the first week. I couldn’t escape it.

That’s what my final straw was.