i've found you

“I’ve always liked quiet people: You never know if they’re dancing in a daydream or if they’re carrying the weight of the world.”

“The problem is I’ve never been loved, not loved how I need or want to be loved. I have always been a placeholder, used for whatever reason and I let it happen just so for a moment I can feel close to someone and feel needed. I just want to be enough, I want someone to love me. I want a love in the movies or that you read about in books. I want someone to fight for me and stay. I want to be loved. I have always felt so alone, but been surrounded by others and that’s one thing but I’ve never ever truly been actually alone. So just please, let me lay here and feel a little less alone. Just let me hold you.”

one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

ive spent some time in my life convincing,

I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache