My Shattered Mind

duality challenge

In TWS and CW we can see that while HYDRA scientists have Bucky in the memory suppressor chair, he is hooked up to probes that administer something into his system.

Actually this makes sense as it is a method used in real life in CIA projects, which was experimenting with LSD drugs as a method for rudimentary mind control.

But I think what HYDRA did on Bucky is even worse than we think. Reading the Marvel Studios: Visual Dictionary book, an exclusive look at the code book that contains all the information about the Winter Soldier project, you can see an image that resembles a cytoarchitecture illustration.

Cytoarchitecture is the study of the arrangement of neurons in the central nervous system, including their size, shape, and density, i.e:

But this:

This is an object that is alien to the brain structure. This makes me think that somehow HYDRA implanted some kind of conductors in Bucky’s brain, perhaps to locate the electrical currents in more specific areas of his brain?

In addition you can see the irregularity on the surface of the cerebral cortex, which seems to me to represent the physical damage that is there. This means that not only is there brain damage caused by the continuous ECTs that must have caused cell death in much of Bucky’s brain, but that the drug administration also left a permanent chemical imbalance, and if we add this to what appears to be a direct puncture in the brain tissue….

So ok look. The point is not the flared leg by itself. These cannot be yoga pants. These are, and you have to understand this if you are too young to have worn them, BLUE JEANS. And this was the last years before all jeans were 70% spandex.

They were denim, and they weren't bell bottoms. They hung loose from the knee in a way that would make a wizard envious. We all walked around like we were wearing hakama. And they dragged on the ground. That was important. Ragged cuffs. If your jeans weren't so long that they had ratty cuffs, they were embarrassingly short.

And the thing about denim is that it's a twill weave and it's cotton. So not only does it hold a lot of water, it wicks. Walking around in these suckers on a wet day could get you wet to the knees even if you never stepped in a puddle.

Then you'd go inside and take off your shoes and try to avoid letting your freezing, wet, filthy pant legs touch your skin.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you see one on the street,

For decorum is essential when a lobster you must greet.

You may comment on the weather, compliment his choice of hat,

But crustaceans like their space if one should stop them for a chat.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you’re strolling down the coast,

Simply nod and give a greeting, or a handshake at the most,

For a lobster’s first priority is formal social graces,

And one seemes over-familiar if a lobster one embraces.

Don’t ever hug a lobster when you meet one in the sea,

For a lobster’s spines and chitin make it difficult, you see,

And he might become self-conscious if you bring that fact to light,

May 6th | Theme: Team Cap | Prompt: Favorite Duo/Dynamic

Put him on ice...

Excuse you? This is after Sam said Bucky took the serum willingly multiple times. Which is tantamount to telling a SA victim they wanted it considering how Bucky really got the serum....

And after *years* of Sam minimizing and mocking his trauma, and making cruel ableist jokes about him.

sam has never once minimised nor mocked bucky’s trauma, sure he’s made little jokes about bucky being a cyborg but it’s out a teasing manner which is all it is so using the term ableist really is not the move you think it is.

you clearly have an issue with sam because he’s upfront, real and has the “tough love” approach out of respect and compassion because he cares for bucky genuinely wants bucky to be a better person for himself in the long run which is what someone who’s a true friend should do.

he doesn’t coddle bucky like you and a lot of other bucky stans do and that’s high key why you have such an issue with how sam is.

plus bucky himself isn’t innocent either has he also kept scrutinising sam for not taking up the shield because he was ignorant to sam’s experience being a black man but you guys don’t wanna talk about that surprisingly 🙄..

mind you also bucky jokes and teases sam too which is literally part of their dynamic which don’t get how that filed over your head 😭. and bucky never took offence to sam’s cyborg jokes so why you’re taking it so personally is an issue with you.

just one skin through your page shows me your very anti sam and are using “defending” bucky has an excuse just to hate on sam at very turn. you don’t have to like him but to make your whole blog around being an “anti” is just low and shallow. (also using ai art is a choice too..)

don’t know why your post even came up for me but i’m not here for the sam hate nor your miserable takes.

"It's not *really* ableist to mock someone's disability of you just mean it in a friendly way!" Like it's not *really* sexist to tell that misogynist joke, huh? Also that one woman laughed at it so it can't be misogynistic right? Right?

When the fuck are you people gonna get this? Just because the group whose trauma you are mocking don't turn around and punch you in the face it doesn't mean they're okay with what you're doing. Or that what you're saying isn't bad.

... And Sam "meant well" by victim-blaming Bucky because torture survivors and POWS really need to be told what happened to them was entirely thier fault and their responsibility to fix - instead of like.. the people who tortured them...

And Sam's not no innocent. He just constantly told Bucky he took the serum willingly and enabled his own abuse and worked for HYDRA willingly. Obviously because Sam has no idea what it's like to be experimented on, mind controlled and tortured.

That pretty much entirely justifies anything mean you fancy Bucky ever said to Sam. Because here's the difference: anything mean you fancy Bucky ever said to Sam comes from a place of ignorance or do simple naivete.

Sam's actions towards Bucky on the other hand arise from genuine malice and contempt.

So let me spell this out simply for you. Sam has never "respected" Bucky. Nor has be ever shown him 'compassion".

Like from the first time he met the guy he tried to encourage Steve to kill him and even Anthony Mackie has outright said Sam will never forgive Bucky for what he did under mind control.

It's weird how Sam Stans well bend themselves into pretzels to justify Sam's shitty actions, insensitivity and victim- blaming but Bucky steps out of line *once* and *dares* to question Sam's choices and he deserves to be burned at the stake or something.

So I’m going to take a leap of faith and hope that you guys like this!

- - -

Two Husbands, One body.

Premise: Dr. Eleni Barnes is married to Bucky Barnes. The Winter Soldier makes an appearance in their marriage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eleni and Bucky had been married three months the first time it happened.

She was sitting on the couch, laptop on her lap, submitting her marriage license to the medial board so she could officially be “Dr. Eleni Barnes, Emergency Medicine Physician” instead of Dr. Eleni Milovich.

Bucky was on the other end of the couch tinkering with a toaster that had decided to start smoking when he made some toast for his snack of jam on toast with milk. Some comfort thing from Bucky’s era before the war that he’d just recently found again.

“You know you don’t have to fix that. We live in the avengers compound, we can get a new one, we just have to submit the request to Tony. Or we can just buy a new one. Amazon delivers” Eleni said with a teasing smile.

“I know, doll, but I can fix it” he said.

“I know you can, honey, but you don’t have to” Eleni said.

“I like being useful.” He said finally.

“You are useful. You’re charming and you take care of me and! you know that ticklish spot on my hip” Eleni smiled, teasingly.

“Doll, you’re too good for me” Bucky smiled that boyish, lopsided grin that made her knees buckle.

“I’m just the right amount of good for you” she said, kissing his cheek.

She stood up and stretched, setting her laptop on the coffee table. “I’m going to go get started on dinner. Your favorite: steaks, baked potatoes and green beans”

“Let me know if you need help on the kitchen. Until then… I’m going to fix this toaster.” Bucky said returning the toaster with the determination of a dog with a bone.

Eleni laughed and headed to the kitchen.

- - -

One minute she was making dinner, listening to Bucky lecture the toaster, and the next minute she heard silence.

Something on the back of her neck stood up. Her heart rate increased in response. She tried to stay calm, everything was probably fine. She breathed deeply, in. Out.

The feeling persisted.

“Honey?” She asked, rounding the corner to the living room.

What she saw made her drop the spatula to the floor.

Bucky was there. But it wasn’t quite Bucky. He stood there, still as a statue, unnervingly so. His posture was diiferent - stiff, rigid.

His eyes locked on hers. What was behind those eyes wasn’t Bucky. It was as if Bucky had been sucked out and now he was empty.

“Bucky?” She asked- her throat dry so her voice came out in a raspy whisper.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” He asked. His voice different. Cold. Focused.

Eleni knew immediately this wasn’t Bucky. This was whatever Hydra had tried to stuff inside.

“Bucky is my husband. He was just here, in the living room.” Eleni said, trying to keep her voice calm. “You haven’t seen him, have you?”

He said nothing, his eyes cataloging her every movement. She was very aware of this.

“I’m… just going to find him. You can stay… I’ll be right back” Eleni said, slowly. Very slowly, moving toward the office where Tony had installed a panick button - a feature in every apartment on the avengers compound.

She turned to go to the office. She made it to the threshold when he was there, blocking her from entering the office.

Her breath hitched despite herself. Bucky was fast. She’d seen him a training and at summer field trainings - week long simulation events for the avengers and shield agents here at the compound. She knew Bucky could move.

The Winter Soldier was faster. He looked at her, eyes focused. Eleni wracked her brain at what Bucky told her they called him… asset. Soldat. Soldier. Those felt like ash in her mouth.

“Soldat?” She asked. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. I just really want my husband back.”

“I am your husband.” He said. “You’re mine” his voice rasped out, a gravelly quality she didn’t know Bucky’s voice could even make.

“Okay. Okay. I’m yours. But, honey… you’re making me a little nervous… you don’t want that, right?” She asked softly, her hand going to his cheek, slowly.

He stiffened at the touch and then relaxed into it. He’d finally started to move when:

“Dr. Barnes- my life alert systems are flagging inconsistencies in your vitals and the vitals of sergeant Barnes. Would you like me to call for assistance?” FRIDAY asked.

The Winter Soldier stiffened, a growl came from deep in his voice.

“No. No Friday. We’re fine. Everything is okay. My husband is not feeling well” Eleni said smoothly, her gaze meeting the Winter Soldiers gaze as she spoke.

“Affirmative, Dr. Barnes” FRIDAY pinged.

She didn’t want to alert anyone to this. Steve would be disappointed, not at Bucky, never at him, but Bucky would take it as personal anyway.

Tony would rage, and try to built some kind of containment unit - which Eleni realized would make the Winter Soldier worse.

The others would all be various levels of concerned or horrified. For Bucky and for Eleni.

Eleni slowly, took the Winter Soldier’s hand. “Come on, my love. Let’s go sit down.. okay? Just you and me.. I promise.” She said, soothingly.

She led him to the couch. She sat. He sat. For a long time. Anytime she moved, his eyes tracked her. If she left the room, he went with her. If she attempted any kind of communication device - cellphone, laptop, etc, he took it from her- not aggressively, but gently for what Eleni knew he was capable of.

So she sat there. With him. Saying nothing. Watching the way he sat still and rigid.

Eventually she fell asleep on the couch, her nervous system burned out.

And he did too.

- - -

She awoke to movement beside her on the couch.

Eleni looked up. Bucky was back. She knew that instantly.

“Bucky?” She asked, testing. He looked at her.

“I thought you were making dinner?” He asked.

She met his eyes. He didn’t remember. The hours the Winter Soldier had come out.

“You don’t remember?” She clarified.

“Remember what?” He asked- his blood started to go cold. “Eleni what time is it?”

“Bucky, it’s 2 am. The Winter Soldier… he… he was here…” Eleni said.

Bucky was on his knees in front of her before she could blink. He slowly put his hands on her face, looking her over for any harm. “Did he hurt you? Did that bastard hurt you?” He asked, desperate.

“No, Bucky, he didn’t hurt me. He wouldn’t let me leave or call for assistance, but he didn’t hurt me” she said.

He pressed his forehead to hers, and then started to cry. “I’m so sorry, Eleni. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean it, I swear”

She cupped his face. “I know Bucky. I know. It wasn’t your fault. I love you. Always. Forever” she said, pressing a kiss to his lips.

- - -

She laid in bed with Bucky at 3 am, his head on her chest, stroking his hair. He was asleep after apologizing endlessly, fluctuating between crying, horror and guilt, and he’d exhausted himself.

She wondered if she did the right thing shutting Friday down. Wondered if she should have alerted the team.