genderbent hollanov sketch based on a tweet.

However!!! i want to make the argument that it isn’t out of character at all and yall just need to read the actual fic.

For anyone who hasnt read it, the fic is centered around ilya and his depression after moving to ottowa and playing for the centaurs but before him and shane are out as a couple and shane is still with montreal. The context of the fic is that ilya hasn’t told shane that hes feeling depressed to the point of suicidal, and was prescribed anti depressants which are causing issues for him in terms of sexual performance. That’s the general premise.

Literally nobody asked for this but im gonna break this down anyway bc i dont know why people arent Getting It.

Ilya is a person who ties a lot of his self worth to two things: sex and hockey (canon). hes currently on a losing streak since moving to ottowa and joining the centaurs. additionally, his dick stopped working. His happiness thus far has become completely dependent on his love for shane, and while they are now genuinely in love with one another, their relationship was entirely built off of sex and hockey. Right now, in ilya’s mind, hes “failing” at both.

Because he believes that he’s failing at the two things that he’s tied his self-worth to, AND he’s specifically failing at them with shane (the person he depends on for happiness) its making him spiral and lash out. He describes beginning to resent shane for winning games with montreal and keeping his life pretty much the same while ilya uprooted his life entirely for him and is suffering by himself (this is something they literally touch on in the long game). Ilya has turned this “failure” in sex and hockey into something he feels shame and embarrassment about, especially because shane is literally the best player in the league and likes having sex with him (ilya also touches on how he believes the only reason shane even fell for him in the first place was that ilya was good at both hockey and sex).

I would like to emphasize that in the out-of-context-screenshot being shared on twitter, shane has no idea ilya is feeling any type of way and ilya also hasn’t told shane at all that hes even on medication. So the ACTUAL context of that little screenshot is that ilya and shane are at the cottage alone together and seeing each other for the first time since he started taking meds, and shane just tried to initiate sex in which ilya physically could not “rise to the occasion.” Ilya then feels: humiliation, shame, resentment, and doesnt want to admit to shane that hes been literally suicidal recently and consequently taking meds that cause erectile dysfunction. So instead, he decides to lash out at shane and say something hurtful to save face while also deterring shane from wanting to have sex. While yes, its shitty behavior, it also makes perfect fucking sense.

Shane gets mad as hell and is obviously hurt, and then hours later ilya fesses up to whats really going on. Thats the context. Its well written and dare i say an accurate depiction of how clinical depression can actually hurt your loved ones. It also!! Adds some more nuance to ilyas character, that frankly should have been further explored in the actual book.

there are so many damn period pieces. why??? and dont get me wrong a lot of them are good. the handmaiden, portrait of a lady on fire, carol… but there are SO MANY. i want modern love stories. why are they all in the past??

a lot of wlw media is also BAD. im sorry but thats the truth!! either the writing, the acting, or both is usually bad and i usually blame budget and resources not being put into wlw projects.

make better wlw shit so i can watch!! and add some mascs!! and black/brown people!! and just make it a love story!! as much as i love yellowjackets sometimes i dont wanna deal with plane crashes and cannibalism just so see some lesbians!!!!