I’m starting to be where I need to be

Everyone news is over. Don’t report anything else. Nothing else but this matters. News is canceled.

working with children is a wild fucking experience yall. this morning at work one of our second graders got my attention and was like “you know what word my mom told me not to say? PUSSY.” and i was like “then why did you just say it??” and she went “i dunno” and then dabbed

this image barely survived the shift between dimensions

Ahh, it’s back

i have disproportionately strong feelings about this.

every time i say “nah i’m not gonna watch it again.” BUT I STILL DO EVERY TIME.

YEAUGH

[Dad: How’m I doing on your hair? Child: Good! Dad: Let’s see, do I need more grease? Child: Yes. You need more grease on there. Dad: More grease? And then what? Child: And then you gonna need to brush it, and then you put a band on there. Dad: A band on it? Child: Yeah! Dad: Aww.. Child: You’re getting it through! You’re almost done! You’re doing a good job! Dad: Aww, thank you, sweetheart, so much! Daddy’s trying, doing the best I can. Thank you so much. Child: You’re welcome! Dad: I’m almost done! Child: You been doing great! Dad: Aw baby, thank you so much, you’re so encouraging to Dad. Thank you. Child: You’re welcome. Dad: I really appreciate you so much. You’re so awesome. Daddy getting your ponytails ready for school.]

Interrupting all the political ugliness to make you melt with cute.

Me as a father

this is so pure

How come reading tea leaves is seen as this sophisticated, witchy thing but if I slam dunk an open can of Chef Boyardee ravioli onto the pavement in the gas station parking lot to see what kind of soda the old ones think I should buy, foodstuff divination suddenly isn’t cool anymore?

‘Tis the fuckin’ season, friends!! Get out there and live your worst life!!

What the fuck is happening

Why don’t you grab a can of ravioli and ask!