Polka-coughs: symptoms and care tips
hello! this is a masterpost of sorts about my experiences with the polka-coughs and caring for pierrogi while he was unwell.
firstly, what exactly IS the polka-coughs? well, it’s a sickness that affects mainly smaller clowns, and is the result of an inhibition in the ability to break down and absorb certain sugars. one of the main causes for this is the ingestion of chocolate; while some chocolates are made specifically to be safe for clowns, regular human chocolate is not, and can rlly mess with the way clowns process sugars and fats, especially smaller clowns with more delicate body compositions. this was the cause for pierrogi’s case, he got into some chocolate i had accidentally left out.
the main symptom for this, as the name might suggest, is coughing. clowns will attempt to cough up the unprocessed sugar in their bodies, and eventually end up ejecting a gummy, brightly coloured substance (may or may not be acidic to the touch). this is actually a combination of the unprocessed materials and tissue from the clown’s digestive system, which can vary in volume depending on severity. pierrogi’s case was thankfully only rather mild, so he was only coughing up stuff covered in a light mucous rather than a viscous or chunky fluid.
another common symptom is a loss of colour; clowns are typically brightly coloured inside and out, so of course loss of colour from their internal systems will translate to the outside as well, though this can vary depending on species. accompanying this also is a typical apathy one would expect from a sick clown; loss of energy and appetite, low frequency honking, etc.
now, what does one do to care for a clown that has these symptoms? firstly, make sure that ALL possible causes (chocolate, gummy bears, etc) have been safely locked away or removed from your clown’s access to prevent their condition worsening. then, stop feeding them high-sugar content foods until you’re sure their body is ready for it again. the polka-coughs can become very serious when left to go on for too long; by reducing the amount of sugar intake, you’ve giving your clown’s systems time to heal and preventing further damage. during this time period, you should be feeding them mostly savoury, yet still energy rich foods such as popcorn, assorted nuts, and corn dogs (though make sure to cut it up and only feed about a third at a time to a small clown like pierrogi! this is definitely not a good time to risk overfeeding your clown), though it’s also important to watch your clown’s appetite and not force them to eat more than they can handle, especially since their already delicate systems are out of balance.
other than this, the clown will need a lot of rest to help fully get their digestive system back to normal. it’s definitely not a good idea to encourage clowns to play or perform during this time as they’re using the majority of their energy on healing, though they might become more clingy and cuddly as they’re more dependent on you (this was the case with pierrogi).
another thing you will need to do is constantly keep your clown and its living space clean; that means wiping up the contents your clown coughs up and any residue, however DO NOT give your clown a bath during this time. i could go into so much detail about how you should almost never bath a clown, but that’s a post for another time; just know that it can severely impact your clown’s mental health and behaviour, just wiping up any mess is sufficient enough.
the polka-coughs usually last from 3-7 days, but can of course vary depending of the initial severity and care during this time. you can usually tell pretty easily when a clown is no longer sick, as they would have regained their colour, stopped coughing up material, and would generally seem to be in better spirits overall.
if your clown’s condition seems to be only worsening, or shows no signs of clearing up after a week, get them to a clown doctor IMMEDIATELY; lack of sugar for long periods of time can cause life-long complications for clowns, and can even be deadly in some cases.
those are the main things i can think of, but if anyone has any questions, or would like any further details on anything, i’d be happy to share! hope this helps!
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