your friendly neighborhood gentile

this year’s prom theme is… *opens envelope* Great Lakes Invasive Species And What Boaters Can Do To Stop Them

And the subject of tonight’s ecology panel is *turns on powerpoint* Enchantment Under the Sea

For you my friend? A mere three morsels of cheese and one singular crumb of bread

did everyone forget that the message of the ugly duckling isn't "you'll get a revenge body and all the haters will be sooo jealous" but actually "one day you'll be around people who understand who you are and love you for it"

those ducks still think he's ugly as shit btw. he just doesn't care anymore.

actually fucking disgusting that glasses cost any money like if you actually think about it for more than a few seconds it is so unconscionably inhumane. this goes for things like insulin and mobility aids and hearing aids too ofc but fuck man, fucking glasses? the thing you need to fucking see? its genuinely sickening and inhumanly evil that those cost ANYTHING.

i love the phrase "sex pervert" like. as opposed to what? abstinence pervert?

i think they're called catholics

one time at a funeral i panicked and said the first drink i could think of and the bartender made me the pina colada With all the fixings all the trims all the bells and whistles i didnt even ask imagine youre at a funeral and the person besides you is drinking a pina colada with whip cream as tall as the drink with a cherry and an umbrella, thats what happened to me