untitled

wonpil: *bumps into youngk and youngk steadies him* wonpil: oh…my heart just fluttered

dingo_official

Okay, I was gonna seat this one out and just wait and see how the rest of the story develops, but seeing people everywhere (mostly forums and some posts around Tumblr) comment about how much they dislike DanOh’s change of attitude (from determined to change her fate to “classic crying female lead who losses her personality and thinks all the time about her bf”) really upsets me.

Let’s just see it from her point of view, when she realizes in episode 7 (or 13) that Haru dissapeared. He was basically her best friend. Yes, I know we have Dohwa, but come on! Haru was the one that made her truly believe she could change her fate in the comic. He confirmed it for her. He made it happen. And she obviously fell for the guy. They fell for each other. I mean, Haru didn’t even hesitated to jump into the pool to rescue her! (What a scene btw, it was gorgeously filmed). 

So he dissapears, he’s literally nowhere in the world and nobody who isn’t awake remembers him, which really pushes DanOh to the edge, because that makes her feel like she’s crazy and Haru never existed. And on top of that, Fairy Squid tells her that is her fault: Haru is nowhere, basically dead, because she was so firmly set on changing the story and Haru knew that in helping her he could dissapear and he chose to do it anyway. Of course that would traumatize her completely. And scare her to pieces. DanOh sees how something so terrifying happens because of her and you think she’s just gonna cry a few tears and go back to business as usual? Maybe if this was another kind of drama, but even then I will find strange. Do I need to remind you that this is a romance drama?

She’s broken after that.

It was not only that she kept crying because of a boy. Is what that missing boy represents: her hope. The hope of staying alive and taking control of her own life, things that I believe most people in the world take for granted.

But Haru comes back… except that boy is not Haru. He has the same face, the same voice but it’s not him. He is a completely different person, but now is a character in the comic and is being controlled by the writer. And that only hurts Danoh even more because the boy she liked so much for being innocent, considerate and sweet is now basically a copy of Baek Kyung, of all people. And he doesn’t remember her at all.

We know what happens next. It was agonizing but he finds his way back to her, apologizes and promises that he won’t go away again. And Danoh clings onto those words, because she wants nothing more than to believe them, but she is firm about not daring to change her fate again. Cause that’s what took Haru away from her and it hurt her deeply. She’s afraid of what could happen and that fear makes her hold on tight to what she has: her friends, her life as she knows it and of course, Haru.

She has a nice life when she is not reminded that she’s an extra in someone else’s story and has a terminal heart condition. And because those things happen on stage, on which she doesnt spend much time, it’s somehow easy to delude herself into thinking that she can spend the rest of her days happy and as she wishes, and hey, maybe the writer could forget about her or change their mind about her death. 

What’s greater than that? That she’s in love. Of course being an independent and proactive female lead is awesome. Of course having conviction in your ideals is to be respected. But why is having emotions bad? Is it not valid to cry, scream, get angry, get sad? She fought, guys. She did it time and time again. But she didn’t do it alone. She had backup. Why is falling in love bad? Love inspires you as well. Makes you stronger.

If you were in Danoh’s shoes, having gone trough a hell of a lot of things, wouldn’t you prefer to cease the moment and just make the best out of it? 

We know that this is a drama and because of the very principles of storytelling we are programmed to think that this is not the end (that and the fact that we’re on episode 10 out of 16). We think “Danoh cannot give up so easily, she needs to make this world right. She needs to win. Good wins over bad, right? The heroes that stand up for justice, kindness, love and loyalty must win against all odds. She needs to keep fighting.” That’s the rule. That’s why we consume these stories.

Well, as aware of herself as she is, Danoh doesn’t really know that she is not only on a comic, but a drama. And she doesn’t know either on what episode she’s in. She knows she doesn’t have much time, but she has known that from episode one. What changed is that she got something along the way that she didn’t know she would get. She fell in love and she lost him, thought it would be forever and then he came back, like a miracle. And she’s the happiest she has ever been by his side.

Do you get it now? She’s still strong… just a bit damaged and that’s perfectly okay. Danoh always acted on emotions, shadow or stage, that remains the same.

Just for the love of god cut the girl some slack for being afraid and traumatized after losing Haru once already… that she remembers, of course, because as we suspect, that might not have been the first time she lost him and like Dohwa said, maybe her subconscious knows that as well.

Another thing that I think isnt talked about enough - and I think that also plays a big role in why she’s not trying anymore - is the fact that in the end despite all her (and Haru’s and Do Hwa’s) efforts nothing really changed with the story. Nam Ju still announced Ju Da as his girlfrriend using the exact same lines as he was supposed to at the party, Dan Oh’s still dying, her wedding with Kyung is approaching, etc. Nothing changed like Dan Oh thought it would after their minor success at the birthday party. All they managed to do was delay the outcome by a few days/weeks and change the set up of when and where it happened. But in the end it still happened. Even in this last ep where Haru deliberately tried to change the stage - he managed to switch Dan Oh with Sae Mi for the fainting girl bit on the stage, yes, but Dan Oh still fainted as well. Just in the shadow.

And I think this idea that no matter how hard she tries, no matter who is helping her, no matter what she does and how she does it, in the end the story will wind up exactly how the writer wants it to, has finally sunk in Dan Oh’s mind and it’s adding to her sense of helplessness and lack of desire to try and change anything again because now she knows her efforts will not only not actually change anything in the long run but they might end up causing her to lose Haru again which obviously isnt a prize she’s willing to pay.

Danoh chooses to love the boy that was not written for her. And in doing this, she rebels against her fate precisely by being with Haru in the shadows. She knows that changing her fate is difficult and perhaps, fruitless, but what the author cannot take way from her is her feelings and her experiences in the shadow. Danoh is fighting back precisely by choosing her own happiness, and not by some grand gesture that is “fuck fate”.

Mary Shelley, the slightly morbid Brit lit professor who specializes in Gothic literature, and always has her students read the creepiest pieces

Edgar Allan Poe, the awkward, but lovable poetry professor who all the students either love or hate. 

Emily Dickinson, the other poetry professor, who no one seems to have classes with, despite the fact that she’s been at the school for years…and when are her office hours again?

Oscar Wilde, the Shakespeare professor, who teaches not only two lit classes focusing on Shakespeare, but also teaches a drama class. Everyone loves him.

Ernest Hemingway, the hard-ass creative writing professor, who rips everyone’s writing (and self esteem) to shreds.

Charlotte Bronte, the Brit lit professor who lives and dies by the canon and thinks YA is an affront to literature.

Louisa May Alcott, the American lit professor who goes off on tangents during lectures and loses her train of thought. People like her because she’s an easy grader.

Mary Ann Evans, the feminist American lit professor, constantly at war with Charlotte Bronte over what constitutes literature, and desperate to be taken seriously in the academic world.

 Fyodor Dostoevsky, the visiting professor from Russia, who teaches a specialty class on how different translations change the meaning of a work. The class is completely full.

Annabel Lee, the encouraging, sweet professor who teaches English 1, the composition class required for gen ed. Most of her students are freshmen.

H.G. Wells, the creative writing professor you want to get. He always encourages his students to be as creative and imaginative as possible, but he still manages to give them constructive criticism. His science fiction class is always full.