Captain Mango's Captain's Log @captainmangos - Tumblr Blog

December 11th 2020

Me Texting at 7 AM: Do I want to go into work today or work from home?

Friend: *probably sleeping*

Me: You're right, I'll work from home

#2020 #work from home #shelter in place #stay at home #covid humor #Captains Log #text conversations

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November 5th 8:04 AM

Friend: How are you holding up?

Me: Well yesterday I was on an all day combination of expired Ativan, wine, yerba matte, and marijuana. So depending on your feelings of substances...very well or very bad.

#Captains Log #survival plan #2020 Election #election week #ativan #wine #yerba matte #weed #marijuana #coping

November 5th 11:48 AM

Neighbor 1: I'm so ready for a low key weekend

Neighbor 2: Yeah, but uh we're gonna be in Vegas

Neighbor 1: Right but like as low key as possible

Neighbor 3: Aye uh can you unlock the door? I gotta get a trashbag because the bag with all my clothes just burst.

.........................

We've moved into an apartment complex filled with undergrad youths. I'm actually living for it.

#Captains Log #eavesdropping #neighbors #youths #fuck i'm old #vegas #nextdoor entertainment

November 3rd 11:20 AM

Therapist: So what is your self-care plan for this election week?

Me: Snuggle the cat, sleep, and honestly I'm going to smoke ungodly amounts of weed. I just want to blackout this whole week. I know that's not really good selfcare though...

Therapist: Honestly, "good" selfcare is overrated at this point.

#Captains Log #conversations #therapist #selfcare #2020 Election #election night #weed #coping #depression #anxiety

October 26th 10:56 PM

Truck Commercial: You woke up this morning, got up, showered, brushed your teeth, got ready for a day of hard work

Me: *shouting into my phone mic* IF YOU WANT TO TRICK ME INTO PARTICIPATING IN CAPITALISM, YOU BETTER IMPROVE YOUR AD ALGORITHM BECAUSE NONE OF THIS APPLIES TO ME

#Captains Log #commercial conversations #ads #algorithm #depression #depression humor #depression coping #capitalism #siri #robot spies

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October 26th 10:43 AM

Friend: Hey

Me: Hanging out in Anxiety Town USA

Friend: So, not down to hang out today?

Me: The mental distance of Anxiety Town is 300 Miles away, so I won't be able to make it to any plans today.

#Captains Log #anxiety #anxiety coping #selfcare #boundaries #mental energy

October 22nd 10:08 PM

You know things are bad when you are begging your significant other to do the TikTok baby fart challenge on you because you’re in so much pain.

-Captain Out (but the gas is not)

#life is pain #gas #tiktok #babyfartchallenge #chronic pain #fart #help #sos #captains log

October 22 PM 7:13 PM

Friend: Are you watching the debate tonight??

Me: No

Friend: Still banned by your therapist?

Me: Yes, but also I already voted so why the fuck would I expose myself to that? I have depression but I don't hate myself THAT much.

#captains log #debate #presidential debate #nope #mental health humor #depression #coping #self care #vote #2020 Election #therapy #therapist #avoidance as self care

October 21st 9:46 PM

SOS

My stomach is trying to kill me via the most painful cramps I’ve ever experienced.The hot water bottle broke on my stomach and scalded me. Meds aren’t working. May the giant spaghetti monster take my soul and release me from this pain. In the name of the marinara, the garlic , and the holy Parmesan. Bon appetite.

Pray for me.

Captain Out

#anxiety #psychosomatic #chronic pain #life is pain #flying spaghetti monster #captains log #coping

October 16th 12:45 AM

I’ve been having crippling anxiety that makes it incredibly hard to focus on doing any projects. So I decided to stay up so late that I’m too tired to be anxious about anything and start projects. It’s weirdly working. This can’t be healthy. I drank coffee and that’s practically cocaine to me.

Will I regret this tomorrow? Most likely. But am I getting work done, yup. Maybe this will end up with a neutral outcome.

Captain Out.

#captains log #anxiety #anxiety coping #induced insomnia #productivity #caffeine #coffee

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October 15th 9:48 AM

Me: *Watching TV. Trying to relax*

Every Lotion Commercial Ever: LISTEN HERE YOU CRACKLY SKIN BITCH.

#commercial conversations #humor #captains log #lotion #tv #commercial

October 13th 9:08 PM

Colon Medication Commercial: You’re the type of person who takes care of themselves.

Me: Bold of your to assume that

#commercial conversations #captains log #colon #depression #anxiety #dark humor #mental health humor

October 14th 2:05 PM

Boyfriend: Why is all this stuff stacked up in my closet?

Me: Oh I had to do my therapy session on the floor in your closet so our roommate couldn't hear me talk about her

Boyfriend:.....

Me: Also, my therapist wanted me to put all my anxiety in a vessel and I used your shoe, so sorry about that aura.

#captain's log #therapy #therapist #anxiety #anxiety coping #conversations #aura

October 12th 11:34 PM

A song with lullaby vibes. Wish me luck. Maybe it will help you if it doesn’t help me.

#kaleo #All the Pretty Girls #sleepytime #mood music #captains log #lullaby #vibes

October 12th 11:30 PM

When you’re out of tune with your body so you don’t notice when the caffeine you drank causes anxiety, and then the anxiety makes you tired, so you drink more caffeine, which gives you more anxiety and then you can’t eat which makes you more tired, so you drink caffeine and then you’re wide awake at midnight with nothing to do but stew on your anxiety and this repeats forever and ever until you die.

Captain Out....well maybe....depends on what thoughts pop up before sleep

#anxiety #caffeine #insomnia #body mindfullness #how i do that?#caffeine sensitivity #captains log

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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October 11th 9 AM

Me: A huge grad school success!

Roommate: What happened?

Me: I had a project meeting and convinced everyone I had done the work I said I'd do. STILL GOT IT.

#graduate school #captains log #group project #team meeting

October 11th 10:57 PM

The Oregon Coast was beautiful. I just wish life hadn’t taken a huge dump on me as soon as I got home.

If you go on vacation in 2020, don’t come back just stay wherever you are.

Captain Out

#stress #anxiety #depression #captains log

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