Plastic Fish & Rootbeer Floats

Police officer: Are you aware how fast you were going? Me, trying not to reveal that I'm a philosophical zombie: Yes, it's one of many things I'm aware of

My friends and I would pretty much do anything for each other no questions asked. When the going guess rough, we are there for each other.

Hi

you are fucking died. game oval.

Amazing moments in Dads: my friend’s dad’s critique of Frankenstein was, “I just don’t think the author had read science fiction before.”

Son, your mother and I are unfollowing each other

thinking about when i mentioned tom and jerry by title alone to my 65 year old father and his only response was to laugh REALLY hard and say "him and that fucking mouse.." while staring into the distance. and then the conversation was over

My four year old remembering his tom and jerry phase that was last month