Hi

neutral good: i want to do what’s right, and i’m willing to bend or break the rules as long as no one gets hurt

chaotic good: i’m willing to do whatever it takes as long as it’s to do the right thing

lawful neutral: following the rules of society is the most important thing, and that matters more to me than doing what’s right

true neutral: i just want myself and the people i care about to be happy

chaotic neutral: i want my freedom, and i don’t care what i have to do to keep it

lawful evil: to impede the protagonists (in whatever evil way) is my primary goal, but i follow my own code of morals even when it’s inconvenient

neutral evil: to impede the protagonists (in whatever evil way) is the my primary goal, and while i’ll do what it takes to achieve it, i also won’t go out of my way to do unnecessary damage

Melissa McCarthy hasn’t failed at the box office in 5 years, so why do critics think she’s doomed?

Even before the show aired on Sunday night, Melissa McCarthy knew that she’d be making history at the MTV Movie Awards. For the first time ever, a woman would be winning MTV’s Comedic Genius Award, and it was McCarthy who’d be receiving the honor.

Fittingly, in ways both spoken and unspoken, McCarthy used the occasion to prove how much of a trailblazer she really is — when it comes to comedy, but also to red carpet fashion.

*gasp* “You lost so much weight! I’m so jealous, your tummy is so flat! you look so HEALTHY!”

I SHIT YOU NOT SHE SAID I LOOKED HEALTHY

Feel free to add to this post. :)

SPELLS

Books: Every spell has a specifically designed form and function. For example, Rictusempra is a Tickling Spell. Movies: Many spells - including Rictusempra, Expelliarmus, and the majority of spells cast at the Department of Mysteries in Order of the Phoenix - are indiscernible in effect beyond ‘FLASH-BANG-SOMEONE FLIES BACK TWENTY FEET.’

Movies: In the beginning of Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry performs underage magic in the from of Lumos. He is later expelled for performing… underage magic.

Books: Non-verbal spells are difficult and take a long time to learn. Movies: Everyone seems to do them often and with little difficulty.

Books: Wandless magic is almost never shown at all, unless cast by accident or by a very powerful wizard. Movies: Hermione (and possible other characters) is shown doing wandless magic.

Books: Expecto Patronum produces an animal shaped avatar, which can charge down Dementors and the like. Movies: Sometimes they’re just a big burst of light. Sometimes they take animal form. Sometimes they do something indistinct and leave trails behind.

DEATH

Books: Avada Kedavra kills instantly and leaves an untouched corpse behind. Movies: Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort both appear to… explode. Despite the fact that previous victims of the same spell, in previous movies, did not explode.

CLOTHES

Books: Unlike the younger generation during vacation time, many wizards are portrayed as completely oblivious of Muggle clothing. Robes are the norm for school and work. Movies: Children and adults, Pureblood and Muggleborn alike, wear Victorian-style or modern Muggle clothing.

TRANSPORTATION

Books: Apparition is simple teleportation from Point A to Point B. Movies: There is a lot of unexplained SFX involved. Shwoop. Fwoop. Doop.

Books: Voldemort flies without a broom, to the shock and horror of the Order. Movies: Apparently all the Death Eaters can fly, and do so while trailing copious… black smoke?

Books: Hermione states approximately nine thousand times that Apparition inside Hogwarts is impossible. Movies: Except for Snape, apparently.

ANIMAGI

Books: Animagi change in and out of their animal forms with all of their clothes. Consistently. Movies: In Chamber of Secrets and Prisoner of Azkaban, McGonagall, Sirius, and Peter change into human form with clothes on. Then Peter changes into Wormtail and leaves his clothes behind. After which Sirius changes into Padfoot and his clothes transform with him. Then in Order of the Phoenix Sirius changes into human form sans clothes again. -_-’

WEREWOLVES

Books: Sirius knows that Lupin has no control over his transformation, and instantly tells the kids to run. Movies: Sirius very pointlessly urges Lupin to resist the change.

Books: A normal wolf with a few minor differences. Movies: Two-legged chihuahua of death.

DEMENTORS

Books: They wear hoods, glide across the ground, and cannot fly. Movies: They sometimes have hoods. Sometimes not. Sometimes they fly. Sometimes they do not.

PENSIEVES

Books: A Pensieve shows an individual’s memories and the surrounding setting. Movies: Snape’s memories in Deathly Hallows Part 2 somehow include events he was not present for.

FIRE-CALL

Books: It’s a person’s head popping out of the fire. That’s it. A fire, and their head. Movies: They did it twice, and both closer resembled Calcifer from Howl’s Moving Castle than a fire-call.

Today I went to the bookstore to buy the Arden edition of ’Tis Pity She’s a Whore because I need it for one of my term papers. But I looked at my punchcard and realized buying it would get me a free book, and because I’m standing right there in the drama section I start browsing around. Enter the Mansplainer. Now, I can only assume that this guy saw me flip through a few books and put them back and decided I didn’t know what I was doing. Mansplainer to the rescue. Up he swaggers. Now, this guy is average-looking but so am I, so at first when he says, “Oh, are you looking for some Shakespeare?” I’m willing to entertain the possibility that he might be worth flirting with or at least talking to, but he literally doesn’t give me enough time to even answer the question before he says, “You know–” And this is like, the most fatal phrase in a dude’s vocabulary, because as soon as he says it odds are 90 to one he’s about to start telling you what he thinks you don’t know. So I shut my mouth. I shut my mouth and I stand there and smile and nod like I’m in utter awe of all his manly wisdom while he proceeds to tell me every wrong “fact” he learned about Shakespeare in secondary school. For those of you who don’t know me, here’s what makes this hilarious: I’m getting a master’s degree in Shakespeare. I’ve been a Shakespearean actor for ten years. I’ve written a fucking book about Shakespeare. I know more about Shakespeare than this guy knows about breathing.

Anyway, for two, maybe three minutes I let him go on about how the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet is actually a sonnet and they were both like thirteen because that’s how young people got married in England in the 1700s and so on and so on. (All of this is wrong, by the way.) Towards the end he starts to flounder, because he was clearly expecting me to jump in and start cooing like a fucking pigeon about how romantic it all is or whatever the Great Mansplainer expects a woman to do when he dazzles her with his dizzying intellect. He finally finishes with a showstopping, “So, yeah.” And this is my cue. So I say, “Actually,” and then proceed to correct literally everything he said while I beam at him like the fucking sun because I want to watch his ego shrivel up like a fucking raisin. And it does. By the time I’m done (which only takes half the time because if women take up more than 25% of a conversation men think they’re dominating it and I’m 100% certain his little Mansplainbrain would just explode under the stress) he’s physically taken two steps away from me and is looking toward the door like he’s grappling with some intense fight-or-flight instinct. So I stop and smile again and because I just can’t resist I wave my staff pass and say, “Sorry, I need to go now, I have to be at the Globe in twenty minutes.”