Welcome to the Snake Pit

Harry: *starts screaming in the middle of the night*

Draco: Oh, no, there’s only one bed! We’ll have to share it!

harry potter starts a youtube channel and all of his videos are called like:  

Harry, *filming himself with one hand, throwing raw meat at a seemingly empty space with the other*: “So anyways, you guys probably can’t see him through the camera lens but this weird fuck belongs to my best friend Luna who can’t actually take care of him right now because she’s out riding drag- er, um she’s on vacation in Romania so I have to do it. Um, the only reason I can see him is because I watched my close friend get murdered by an evil wizard when I was fourteen which, by the way, was around the same time I started to think I might be gay. Anyone else?”

AU where everything is the same except Remus Lupin is played by John Mulaney

Third Years: Snape is making us do an essay on werewolves

Thinking back on his Marauder days:

When he’s all moody before the full moon

when james and sirius come up with an idiotic prank but remus is too done to stop them

Teaching the kids about Defence Against Dark Arts

When Snape asks if he knows anything about the Marauders Map:

All right kids it's time for "two opinions I don't think are contradictory" time

Hey I’ve got two more:

Andrew: People say I have a unique way of lighting up the room.

Hagrid: Now that you have money for the first time in your life, what would you like to buy in Diagon Alley? Food? A pet?

Draco: JUST GO TO ST. MUNGO’S

police: you're under arrest for trying to carry two people on a single motorcycle