Life of Xio

Just remember, once I’m gone there’s no coming back. Once I’m gone, there’s nothing to fix. Once I’m gone, all there will be is whispers of what my voice used to sound. All the good things I used to do will fade away. Once I’m gone, you’ll be alone. That’s what you wanted. And now that I’m gone. I hope you can carry on. Once I’m gone, all that was mine is no longer yours. All the sweet moments will disappear. All you’ll have is a faded memory of what I looked.

The sound of people running but faster than a hurry. Distant screams then silence. It’s very quiet. I can’t move. Not my hands, my arms, my legs, not even my mouth. Only my head. Wait...there’s something. Something outside, coming up the stairs. It stops. It’s coming up the stairs again but this time, it drags it’s claws against the wall. Barks from the dog in the cage to alert that something is there. I can’t tell him to stop. Lover starts to move, I try to tell him that something is there, but restrained from a disobedient mouth. I could not speak. Shattered for what could happen, I turned my head. He closes the door and tries to move the dresser in the way. Comes to a halt and lays back in bed. The door opens. A shadow like figure right out side the door. Too tall to walk through, lowers neck and continues forth in the room. It’s coming for me, I can tell. I cannot move. It faces me at the end of the bed and towers. Waiting for the worst to come, nothing happens. It’s just standing there. What are you? Why are you just standing there? Why do you look like that? Why are the claws vivid but your image not? Who are you ?

To what I thought was the poor unreachable sky.

On a journey of self love and growth

Yes, I was in a program for self growth and there was a patient there, an adult male, who came into the activity room with an attitude. He was upset that no one told him it was free time. Free time was the only time we were allowed to use our phones and we only had 30 minutes 2 times a day. He decided to take out his frustrations on an employee there. All you can hear is this guy going berserk, swearing and throwing pencils because he only has about 12 minutes left to use his phone. Another patient, an adult female, stepped in and started yelling at the man telling him he needs to calm down and that he’s acting like a complete animal. He starts swearing at her calling her a b***h and to mind her business, throwing massive F bombs. It was at that point where I felt unsafe, scared, and angry. I spoke up and said, “does it make you feel good to talk to people the way you are? You’re acting out because you now have 10 minutes to use your phone.You do know the more you act out, the lesser time you’ll have right?.” He turned to me and said. “Mind your F-ing business kid!” At that moment, I stood up and shouted “Maybe you should work on other things besides acting like a KID over what you now have for phone time!” I was so upset after that I put my own phone away and left the room. 

Spend the majority of the morning in bed after a fresh morning routine. When the afternoon comes, I’d probably order delicious takeout and watch a movie, preferably one I’ve seen before. I find the more you watch a movie, the more you’ll the parts you missed or understand the parts you didn't before. After eating I’d take a well deserved nap. A nap could take from 1 hour up to 3 for me. When I wake up, I can finish watching whatever series I left off from days before and have a nice cheese and crackers snack.