fueled by cake

Sorry my posts haven't been as frequent or funny as usual. It's because I'm eating well, sleeping regularly, and exercising

Thinking about how when my oldest brother took Japanese classes his professor was like your pronunciation is really good 😊 but you need to watch movies that aren't about the Yakuza because you sound like a criminal

“The cause of the duel is reputed to be an argument over arrangements for the Vienna Musical and Theatrical Exhibition.” - I like these ladies.

Reblogging this before tumblr takes it down

i thought this was a lesbian wedding

I have no doubt that, had these ladies gotten married, they would have also fought a duel over the musical accompaniment to that.

guns dont kill people space and time kill people

Hegel killed someone and said this to cover it up

us

So glad we’re all straight

I remember in my Arabic class we were going over the alphabet and the teacher was like there’s no ‘P’ etc and this white girl was like wait what but my names Paige and my teacher was like lol then we’d pronounce it as beige and she was so offended I’m crying thinking about it

One of my mom’s friends, Hugh, went to France and they had a lot of trouble pronouncing his name because the entire thing was silent.

salut je m'appelle [REDACTED]

that is hands down the funniest addition to this post

i know absence hurts, but it also makes room for wilderness. the space fills with what has always been

i love the pedestrian-to-car staredown when you see them go from a rolling stop to a full stop. like that's what the fuck i thought. vehicularly manslaughter me about it

my mom had a nightmare years ago that george costanza tried to kill her and sometimes when we're watching seinfeld and george starts yelling about something she'll be like "that's what he sounded like when he tried to kill me"