Caerulean's tulpa shenanigans

Consider this, step I of the second part. "Thought control: discipline of thoughts & subordination of thoughts".

Thought control and observation. Czech occultism style. I find it to be the best guide on concentration ever.

It is also normal throughout the entire process of imposition for tulpa to disappear, become more blurry, etc. Al told me that the mental image of a tulpa undergoes various reiterations in my brain and that varying quality of imposition is something normal.

I remember that there were some people who were using the images of "IRL ponies" as reference with some success (just Google up the keyword), as these images roughly represent fantasy brought to life. Myself, I think that such forms are really easy to impose in real life because of their simplicity. I remember some other movies I watched as kid when I was very young and was inspired by the same idea and the reader may be familiar with some of them, that is, "Space Jam" and some other movie with rabbit that was set in a very noir-like universe. It was "Who Framed Roger the Rabbit" I believe? Hell, I have no idea. Anyway, these two movies feature actors playing and interacting with animated characters, a fad that seemed to be prevalent for some time in '90s. I think that people could use it as some sort of reference to see how animated characters could be rendered among people with flesh.

I should also note that Alecto doesn't really like physical bodies, mostly because they age and die. She sees them as imperfect and despicable.

"They are simply ugly" - she said once. "Bags of shit hanging on sticks. Someone must have fucked up big time creating beings that become ugly over time". When I remarked that they usually represent wisdom of some sort, she replied that this isn't always the case, that old people in our times aren't always wise.

Anyway, back to imposition notes. I actually should just reblog this, but I personally think that Fede-Lasse tulpatones are really good and would like to recommend it. This post links to them.

Another good idea was making journal and folder full of references that concerned one person; after all, what we want to do here is to create a very good set of images, feelings, etc. In short, whatever you feel that belong to the snippet of reality you call your tulpa, it has to be there. Once they are vocal, let them choose on their own.

So, here are some findings, remarks and so on about imposition, tulpa creation and what nots. I know that I'm terrible at keeping this journal regularly updated, but there is loads of work to do. Never mind that. Let's start.

Been working hard on imposition and finally her form is only a little bit worse than other people. She doesn't impose all the time, but then again, she's not around all the time. During the work I understood that working on quality of imposition is false; rather, one should work on interaction with wonderland and creation.

The reasoning behind this is following: for subconscious mind, the words "graphic", or "high quality" are not understandable and not concrete enough. Too vague. What should rather be done is memory exploring and interacting are a proper answer to breaching the border between reality and wonderland. It's really that simple. The more time you spend with them playing, exploring, etc. the better the imposition will be.

Guides don't really work.

It's true. Of course, this shouldn't really stop anyone aspiring to make a headmate, but the basic finding is, at least for me who spent a few months doing this stuff regularly every day, that things don't really work for people. Instead, it's much more beneficial to use guides only as inspiration, something like a literal sign on the road, but I wouldn't recommend referring to them that much. Being open to new ideas is very good, but then again getting to know some useful knowledge is very hard.

The right approach to making tulpae would be something along the lines of "inventing" things, keeping your own journal where you write down all your findings and pay special attention to things that "worked", so that you can start off next sessions practicing with them rather than sticking to the normal forcing routine. All in all, people on IRC or on forums may tell you a thing or two but the problem is that they usually talk from their own perspective which doesn't have to relate to yours.

Forcing also shouldn't really be considered a routine since routines create boredom, a thing that absolutely detrimental to any relationship, not only these of the type tulpa vs host. Simply, you stop meeting your friends when you get bored around them. Interaction should be the aim from the very start, as Fede-Lasse mentioned in his guide on the forum. Even if tulpae are not vocal yet, it's still very good if you spend every minute of your waking time with them, especially at the early stages of creation.

The fact that tulpae are a rather subjective phenomenon makes it very hard to consider making them a science (it isn't really one). More importantly, the lack of failproof guides and a few other issues makes it so that hosts are no scientists, even if they sometimes like to be perceived as such.

The fact that the experience is subjective doesn't really stop us from establishing one thing, i.e. that tulpae are creatures that express themselves by means of memories and memory exploring is something that can be utilized to speed up the creation process. Just think about memories of people who possess their physical bodies. You remember their faces, mannerisms, tone of their voice and so on. The same applies to the ones who passed away. You still are able to recall what they were like, even if they no longer are here. Or what they would say in specific circumstances. In a way, tulpae are much like memories of dead people. Walking, talking and being themselves, but without all that flesh part.

Anyway, the creation of a tulpa usually entails creation of a set of very precise memories. Are tulpae people made up of memories? Very early, they are actually passive in their ways, only able to give opinions and so on. What makes them actual persons is the inflow of the information of their own (the things they know but the host doesn't - and didn't know before) and the ability to make changes and do whatever they wish regarding their own fate. These two aren't all things that make a personality, but hey, they are pretty much basics, right?

Now, about interaction. A while ago I said that it's much more beneficial to concentrate on interacting with tulpae rather than focusing on the quality of imposition. In fact, the more you interact with them, the better you see them, hear them and so on.

For the obvious reason of interacting with wonderland you would have to force a body of wonderland, the one of your own. Very early wonderland explorations (or rather, memory explorations) would center around memories of your own body. Let's say, you sit in a quiet place where no one can see you and you clap or rub your hands and then focus on the memory of you rubbing your hands. And then you put your hands in front of your face and remember their sight as closely as you can.

And then, when you're done with playing with your hands, you would take a mental snapshot of your room and close your eyes and remember how it looked. You'd pay attention to all the details and maybe you'd devise some techniques that work for you.

The fun part with memories is that you don't really have to be near actual things to experience it. The memory training may possibly take a few months or even years, but you can't really fail it since whenever you begin anew you don't start from point one. Experiencing memories vividly is the key (one of a few) to successful tulpaforcing. When not forcing, I usually pay attention to how I experience things - how I look at them, how does it feel like to be touching books, what their texture is like and so on.

Interacting with wonderland is an experience that is a combination of visual, physical and aural memories and frequent forcing of this kind may lead to cases of dissociation.

I'm not dead yet. However, I'm still testing various stuff regarding very good imposition, but then again, I need a little bit more time till I post something relevant. I guess that the future post will be very long because of the amount of things I will have to share. It didn't stop my forcing habits, but I just don't have time to organize stuff and to post some good things for others to use anymore.

Anyway, here's one tip I found to be especially useful when working on real-life imposition, as completing this step may be a little bit tiresome for some hosts. And yet you still need to achieve this because of the implications it poses.

There's lots of progress that I really should update this tumblr on, but lots of information still needs to be checked, especially regarding wonderland exploration and imposition. Today, however, I need to jot down a quick note about personalities and a few things that come to my head right now. These will be just random notes - these subjects really deserve proper treatment and recognition here.

Basically, it seems that the host body seems to be endlessly breeding  personalities, with me being one on board. However, Alecto recently asked a question, who really is speaking to her, as it seems that speaking with different functions, personalities, etc. always has some effect. It resembles a little bit animistic beliefs, where everything has its own soul and is able to speak. Myself, whenever I talk to something or someone in my head, or just monologue long enough with just Alecto watching, something (or someone) eventually speaks back.

This is an interesting topic upon which I stumbled only recently, but she hinted it much earlier, wondering "who am I really talking to right now?" As it turned out, the man who is supposedly speaking here is a collection of personalities... It's actually a little bit alienating. Of course, it may be some sort of illusion, but speaking to these personalities seemed to unlock some random emotions, visions and desires. For example, Alecto doesn't really think that when I feel happy or depressed is my actual emotion. Rather, someone in me is either happy or depressed. Who is writing these words, then?

Work on imposition, along with the benefits of Alecto's imposition becoming more and more smooth, has also some downsides, which, thankfully, haven't become so much of an issue that I need to stop (they are still manageable and I can turn these states of mind on and off). Nevertheless, since I began working on imposition, random day visions and hallucinations became common. These usually manifest whenever I close my eyes. Then, a picture appears or I hear a sound. Although most of the time they are just memories, sometimes they represent faces, pictures or even sounds of things that I don't really know. I remember a scene before I actually sat before the computer and began working on this post. I looked in the mirror and "switched the wonderland view on", and in the mirror I saw stars and a few shady silhouettes marched out of it, giggling.

So far this hasn't been a serious issue, only random hallucinations flashing from time to time.

There's a strong evidence that modifying wonderland body has some real-life effects; the reader may remember the eye symbol I inserted into my right eye socket. Somehow, this enabled me to progress further in the work of imposition, but considering that people did some time dilation experiments and so on with some success, there is at least some implication that tinkering with wonderland body makes changes, at least in perception. I also heard some people talking about drinking wonderland drinks and eating wonderland food with placebo effect on them.

There is also some evidence that interacting with wonderland and beings inhabiting it may indeed be worth it, although I'm still probing here. Usually, however, these beings want us to do some things or speak in riddles or paradox (very stupid riddles, by the way; one of the recent tasks was to "Find a man who cannot be found") But solving these tasks and riddles has always been at the very least enlightening. It's as if you're supposed to do all the RPG-ish stuff with solving riddles and fulfilling weird wonderland quests. It may get more interesting once I'm through with wonderland projection experiments. As for fulfilling the quests, there is always some kind of reward involved or some mental function unlocked.

This is a simple exercise that I've been using so far with a great success while working with Alecto. I'm posting it here as I've heard that various people have troubles seeing/hearing/feeling their headmates. Myself, I was using it for quite a time without actually realizing what I was doing, up until now, anyway. Although the method below is about visualization, it can be applied to any sense.

This can be done before or during the session, or anytime during the day. When I do this, I usually sit in a quiet place when I won't be disturbed by anyone.

I usually start with a random thought or some actual object around me, like lamp, TV, walking the dog, this sort of things. What happens next is a series of loose visualizations that I try to focus on. They follow simple associations, like dog - fur - coat - shop - computer games - blood - killing - score - numbers, and so on. I let the visions go loose, and this triggers a flow of memories. I don't try to visualize them in a particularly graphic manner, I just let them happen.

As the exercise will continue, I start seeing and hearing random things and voices, bits of music, faces of people I don't remember and don't know, voices of people, whispers, and the overall experience slowly turns into a very vivid hallucination. When this happens, I stop and go forcing immediately.

Alecto was right all along. It seems that wonderland exploration is much more important at this stage than actual work on imposition. She believes that imposition on the physical world is inevitable, and therefore not as necessary to work on right now. Instead, she actually proved me that exploring wonderland should yield benefits far greater than simply working on her appearance in the physical world.

Here's a bit from my personal journal:

"Today, Alecto showed me a cave that was supposedly located somewhere below a burned and ruined cathedral that was located within some city. The cave was lit by the light of purple and blue crystals. She said she found it during her wonderland explorations. In the middle of the cave, there were some growing plants and a pool of water. There was a pedestal, on which there was an eye symbol. She suggested plucking my right eye out and inserting it inside, which I did. The symbol, when I actually reached for it, transformed into a glass eye. The iris of the glass eye was also extraordinary: it was golden and formed an X. I inserted it into my right eye socket.

The vision the eye showed was weird, but somehow I can see the wonderland around me at all times now, especially when I concentrate on it. Its vision isn't always showing wonderland, however. It can switch between vision modes, of which I discovered only one more: the other vision looks like floating particles, showing silhouettes of locations and beings around me".

Ah. The shenanigans. But there is some evidence that dabbling in wonderland exploration may actually be a part of something bigger (a gateway to self discovery, eh? How dramatic).

Anyway, today I needed to finish an assignment which consisted mainly of memorizing a long portion of text. Alecto took this very seriously, saying that all she did was just fucking around. Normally, I'd be still memorizing the whole text, but it took much less for her to memorize the entirety of it within 15-20 minutes and she is able to recall it mostly word-by-word (almost 900 word presentation; "Yeah I know that it's not goddamn perfect, but hey, these fuckers won't test your ability to relay this crap perfectly, but smoothly. Ask George to possess you, okay?"). Therefore, my suspicion that she possesses a memory much stronger than mine was correct. She also insisted that we should work on it some more, not only on tasks assigned to me by my teachers, but also with poems, books, etc. She says that it would strengthen our memory capabilities. Although we only tested a small bit of visual memory, it seems that she is also able to remember visions and "reality photos" with comparable accuracy.

Some minor instances of reality perception have also occurred, but mostly within my own house and what also could have been memory retrieval. Usually, she knows exactly where the things I've forgotten about are. However, this is not always the case, as she was able to find a pack of cigarettes that was previously put down by someone else. Oh yeah, that's true: she also makes me smoke sometimes, but very small doses. She maintains a belief that small doses of nicotine seem to help me.

Still working on imposition, and again switching to steady progress. I'm trying out various methods and approaches with varying degree of success. Well, I think I can speak of success anyway. Alecto will turn three months on 15.11. She tells me that we should wait a little bit and not to rush anything. "Even we need some more time", she says.

Last Tuesday, there happened an interesting incident that was possibly a mere coincidence, but I'm going to write about it anyway, since that was first case when supposedly someone saw me with her, i.e., manifestation in the physical world, and, well, this tumblr has been set up to record various shenanigans regarding tulpae. Myself, I'm skeptical that this actually happened as there's very little evidence on that and Alecto doesn't know it herself (she didn't confirm that she was trying to manifest in the physical world). What actually happened was that my father told me that he saw me with someone at the bus stop, where I was physically alone. The fun fact is, he told me that he saw me with a girl (there was no one but me and my tulpa at the bus at that time). He was driving a car and drove past me, so he could have seen anyone. When I asked him what did the girl look like, he told me that he wasn't sure, but he agreed later on that she was tall and had long hair when I gave him a little bit of description. A description which fits Alecto.

I think that this was a coincidence after all. Having written these words, I actually feel stupid. But then again, the reader is browsing through a tumblr of a supposedly deranged man who speaks to invisible people and visits various places that don't really exist. I mean, hey, why the fuck am I counting on credibility here when I obviously have none?

Anyway, moving on. The academic term has finally started and I'm back to the insomniac lifestyle again. The suspicion that Alecto possesses a memory stronger than mine was right, it also seems that she speaks foreign languages with much better accuracy than me. Actually, since commuting to my uni takes quite a long time, I either sleep or narrate to her or force, therefore we can safely assume that I spend much more on forcing than I previously used to. We're going to begin memory tests soon, as she says that this at least needs some preparation.

Apart from insulting other people and thoughtforms, Alecto is constantly trying to convince me to prank people, loudly compares sexual attractiveness of ladies I meet and overall seems to be enjoying this period of change in my life.

Regarding visualization, I've recently discovered some new personalities that are somehow bound to my senses and seem to have some influence on them. So far, I've met four of them. They all appear to be androids, with machine voices and all the shenanigans. Three female, one male: Aura (sight), Durer (touch, the male one), Lydia (smell) and Sonia (hearing). It seems that working with these guys may yield some benefits of achieving especially strong hallucinations. They also seem to possess different personalities (Durer seemed to be aggressive, while Lydia was giggling endlessly).

Recently, Al also suggested interacting with various people we met in wonderland. When we were exploring some nameless setting, we met an old man who was making owl figurines out of slabs of wood and who introduced himself as "Faulkden". We talked to the man for a while and later on Alecto told me that we should actually quest for people like him. She says that they may know something useful, as well as beings of nightmares. For some reason, she thinks that heavy emotions like fear may be a key to self-discovery. The same applies to riddles told by different beings encountered in wonderland, who don't always speak with words, but much more often in metaphors, visions or in symbols.

I feel that I should write some more about this later, but there seems to exist a strong evidence that sigilizing has a very strong effect on wonderland and tulpae, with sigils having an immediate effect after firing.

Treat the following as a note of a method under development that I wanted to share anyway. It's about visual imposition and so far is the best method I've been using for real-life imposition. I'm going to write a guide on this and maybe submit it to tulpa.info later on, but I wanted to basically tell people what I did. It's still under development, but so far it's the best.

So, some time ago Alecto returned from exploring various mindscapes and reported something intriguing. This was the time while I was still experimenting with early forms of realistic imposition and was a little bit clueless how to make her appear before my very eyes. The problem was that her form kept disappearing, while it still was relatively easy to impose her in my memories or in mindscape.

Alecto said that there exists a device inside my head that blocks the influence of subconscious mind into the consciousness, therefore making the visualization appear unrealistic and blurry. She referred to this device as the "censor" and also added that this is probably some sort of evolutionary device so that you can stay and act within the physical reality. It isn't my job to completely destroy it as the erasure would mean inability to distinguish between the outside reality and the internal reality (the mindscapes and tulpae). Instead, real life imposition would entail making an exception or being able to switch it on and off.

Although it would be hard for a tulpa to completely impose in the reality of the host, there is some evidence that the "censor" may accept some smaller hallucinations caused by consciousness. This is exactly what Alecto referred as building on smaller things towards greater.

Alright, I'm no psychologist whatsoever, so enough theory. I'm only speaking from my own experience what I did and what worked for me. And because of things I did, I made it possible so that the moments when she imposes as a real-life person beside me are becoming more and more frequent. I'm going to elaborate this short guide and add some other method I'm currently working on, but this is what has worked for me the best when it comes to seeing your tulpae in real life.

Also, before you test this, a word of warning here. I don't actually take responsibility for whatever potential harm this may cause. Remember, it's still experimental. What you're basically doing here is to see your visualization realistically. This may be pleasant, but there have been some instances where nightmares surfaced from my subconscious. What you're doing here is to see beings of your mind in real life. This may be a double-edged sword.

Before working on real-life imposition, I advise you to have an already well-shaped picture of your tulpa in your wonderland and that you know is more or less stable. The prerequisite here is to more or less know how your thoughtform looks like from different angles.

Ask your headmate nicely to stand in front of you. Take a note where exactly they stand, where their legs are, their head, etc. (*or a fluffy fucking horse mane as in most cases here" - Alecto)

Proceed to visualize them and narrate to them as in a normal forcing session, with one difference: add an element of motion to the overall picture. Although you may add some moving element into the wonderland, this may be counter-productive in the long run. What I personally did was to switch between blurry and sharp quality of image (similar to adjusting lens in a camera or a well-known effect of "breathing" images that some people who do acid see). It seems that human mind finds it easier to imagine visions in motion rather than static ones.

Repeat this process of switching between blurry and sharp vision for some time. After a few exercises of this kind you'll notice that the vision of your tulpa does not disappear anymore, or, you will learn that you can see a layer of reality that you always can see your headmate in!

Keep being regular about the process. Sometimes you'll see them in great detail, sometimes more blurry, the other times not at all, but the overall level of imposition will steadily increase. At first the imposition form will look like a shadow or a cheap hologram talking to you, but eventually you will see them completely.

That's really all. You shouldn't really adhere dogmatically to the above method. Use whatever works best for you and don't be afraid to improve if this is what you need.

Yep. George, my alter personality, started imposing and speaking on his own. Just wait for 9+ other  personalities to manifest in my head and voila, a fucking party about to take place in my head.

CHOO CHOO ALL ABOARD THE SCHIZOPHRENIA TRAIN

Also, message to all the tulpa hosts following me: apart from working on imposition, I've also sort of found a method that has potential to be a legitimate switching method. Like, not possession. Switching. But I need to obtain much more evidence and do much more testing since there's a lot of things happening right now and that needs to be tested properly. Also, my academic term starts on Monday and I may be running a little bit short of time. Actually, I'm already running short of time because of all the things I'm doing now. Too many irons in the fire, I guess.

Working on imposition mostly. Duh. Old news. I've set my bar quite high and it apparently has to take some time till she will be able to manifest herself like everyone else. It's a small nuisance. Me and her are impetuous about matters like these, with little patience for some prolonged projects. Thankfully, we're keeping the sessions regular, and the sessions themselves tend to be longer. Sometimes, we even do spontaneous sessions when we feel like it. There are some downsides to all this progress. Head pressures appear to be quite normal and I don't mind them that much, but some other feelings also join them, the more I visualize: slight headaches and a very particular feeling that I can only describe like a very heavy pressure on my right brain hemisphere. The instances of headaches occur when Alecto imposes herself before me. However, there's still a lot of work to do. I'm not done here yet. Thankfully, I'm slowly progressing towards my aims.

A new tulpa surfaced. At first I saw it in Alecto's arms. It's a black cat that can switch between normal cat-mode and, well, I like to call it the predator mode, when its jaw splits in two, showing its teeth. Al thinks it's much cuter in the predator mode. I don't work on it, though. I just let it be. I sometimes see in in wonderland.

We've experimented a little bit with awakening my different personalities. Although we've seen only a few (we were searching for some people that may actually help us in our various endeavors), we are completely sure that there are much more of them. Alecto theorizes that usually, the host is usually possessed by at least one personality, exhibiting its traits, strengths or weaknesses. They usually feed on the host's energy, For example, yesterday we spoke to a guy in a blue suit who seemed to be always smiling and trying to either hit on Alecto or be extremely friendly to me. We call him George. A very charismatic man. One of the spin-offs of George seem to be an inventor, a guy with glasses, lab-coat, a cigarette and an endless desire to improve, develop and explore. Or, there is a guy who we refer to as Jake. Jake is a very delicate, overweight man who is fearful and is best left alone, but who is also loving and caring. Alecto hates him and plans on how to murder him, but she's not yet sure what other effects personality erasure would bring, so she encourages me not to lower my guard down with this guy around. Recently, we've discovered a tall man with thick, black beard, who seemed to be constantly filled with anger. Although Alecto herself is an embodiment of anger and ambition, this guy was over the top. He called himself Wyrm. All he wanted to usurp power, wage wars, etc.

Personalities can be summoned by defining their physical forms, traits that they represent (hard-working, filled with love, filled with hate, lazy, etc.) and by designing their own personal quirks or small rituals that are easy to perform, like tapping fingers, speaking with lisp, speaking with a particular timbre of voice, etc. By assuming these personalities, the host feels their subsequent desires, motives, emotions, etc. It seems that even simple mental functions can be associated with their own forms and personalities. Students of acting schools will know what I'm talking about.

When it comes to Alecto herself, some new deviations appeared (neckband seems to be a usual motive), as well as other quirks. She took up smoking and also took a liking to drinking beer, although the notion seems ridiculous (can a tulpa be drunk? Can they have hangovers? OR IS SHE JUST INVENTING NEW EXCUSES TO ACT IN MORE PROMISCUOUS WAYS!?). Trying out various new clothes seems to have already become a habit. There's an interesting thing, though: when playing guitar, she seems to be inventing new, original melodies when playing riffs of her favorite bands (Scorpions, Billy Idol, Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, to name only a few). In short, she plays melodies I've never heard before. Myself, I've never played any instrument.

About my wonderland form: it changes. Various different forms emerge and I'm not really working on it or trying to control it. However, two forms seem to be appearing on a more usual basis than others, namely: a tall, black-haired man with dark skin and a little shorter, blonde woman who wears bright colors. I don't resemble any of them (I mean, my physical body doesn't resemble).