「 caelan 」

i cut these into parts of the episodes that i'd watch and then pause to write, so those are my live notes!

— first part [ep 8 aftermath]

> they're brain scans, not proper people

> which means they're stucked in the circus and can't get out

> they're still able to conjure things as they wish, which means the program is still running and is not 100% ruled by caine

> jax crashing out: "this guy messed up in the most horrible way and we're still gonna forgive him" => seems like he's projecting something that he may be insecure or confused about. how he keeps making himself the most detestable person in the circus, bullying people and the others still 'forgive' him. they still care and include him. and even after kinger messes up, they do the same for him. it could also be read in a way that some people (zooble, gangle, ragatha) might be resentful of him because of how he acts, and yet completly be fine with kinger even though he objectively made a bigger mistake than jax ever did, and he doesn't get that.

> RAGAPOM MY BELOVED UGGGHHHH. finally someone hugged ragatha. thank you. thank you. that was lovely.

> ragatha and jax were friendly before what happened with ribbit. it seemed jax was the one pushing ragatha away and ending their friendship even though she tried to be there for him.

— jax's abstracted brain

> the doors are memories / emotions or mindsets of jax, portrayed in what if this character abstracted.

ragatha:

> jax is shown looking at her door, silent and dissociating (?) he did care for her, as stated before.

> pomni saying things like "i'm the only one who can help you. you need me. i can fix you" seem like something ragatha unknowingly would convey. we know she tried to he here for jax, but knowing her own issues, it is possible she might have said / done it in a way that would imply what pomni said. that jax was something she needed to fix. it seems very like the way ragatha tended to latch at people.

> jax choking pomni might be a metaphor to him abruptly and violently cutting his friendship with ragatha. he's smiling with pupils wide, like the façade he's always portrayed as. we know both jax and ragatha have the habit of assuming the worst out of each others and having each others reduced to these archetypes. 'we can't die of oxygen deprivation here' = this could symbolize the moment where jax fell completly into his 'this is just a game' mindset, and also the moment where both himself and ragatha began to see him as just 'the funny one'.

zooble:

> gangle is having her ep4 mask, which was not only given by zooble, but also made her mask her real feeling way more than her usual comedy mask, which could be how she copes with zooble's abstraction. in the context of jax, to me it could also be a parallel of how they both mask their feelings in general.

> zooble is the non binary person of the circus, openly queer and at ease with their identity. and then we have jax, appearing with the maid dress, that was used before to ridicule him. he seems at ease in it, way more than in ep5 and he willingly put it on this time, even though he claimed it was to 'honor zooble'. in this scenario, he's the one at ease with his hidden feminity, so much he goes to flirt with gangle (this could also link to gangle's own freakiness that she hides).

gangle:

> here we can see a scene where jax entirely embraces the 'it is a fake cartoony world' mindset. it's distorted, absurd and very clear reference to the looney tunes. he breaks the fourth wall, changes scenery, he's in total charge of this scene like a cartoon protagonist.

> jax was an asshole and specifically bullied gangle because of this mentality. to him none of it or them are real, so he gets to be mean without consequences. in his mind it's his world, his fun, and he'll always be able to do whatever he wants to people without anything happening to him.

???

> there's four jaxes here, three at the table, one at the piano. the three at the table might represents jax's forefront mentalities, what he usually shows : the comic relief, the cynical violent one, and the sassy, 'ironic' part of feminity he sometimes allows himself to indulge in (but also ironically very repressed in a queerphobic and mysoginistic way). the one at the piano seems to be a more repressed side, a slightly kinder one that kinda reminded me of evil jax. he has a hobby no one knew about (piano) and obeys to the other three under threats. he's the more vulnerable side, tide up to the piano and rarely able to speak up or come to the front. he's the one that trusts pomni and gives her the key to a deeper part of his mind.

— real world snippets

> not a lot to say about those, except it was nice to see the flashes we got in ep7 confirmed. so this was jax's life before the circus, and we see it from his perspective. we see him having a jog through a neighbourhood, driving a car and laying in a bed. he seems alone in all three, and the way we only see his hand in a messy bed might hint that he was alone in life in general.

— ribbit and kaufmo memories

> very sweet part, i loved watching jax's first moments in the circus and him slowly warming up to ribbit and kaufmo (kaufmo's voice was deeper than i thought it would be lol). his friendship with ribbit was just so precious. it was interesting learning about jax's life before the circus, his strained relationship with his parents and the way he accidentally killed (?) his mom. but what i'm also getting is that his toxic masculinity is definitly an upbringing from his education, being constantly preassured and compared to his dad, having those expectations as a man. i'm guessing the secret he shared was his coming out as trans (the little scene with ribbit's bow she put on his head is definitly confirmation for me) and it also explains his extreme reaction to his mom, i related a lot to him in that moment. living with parents that are deeply queerphobic but who cares for you at the same time in a way, it's very confusing. to hear them throw slurs but still hug you and treat you like a child they love, it's very off putting and i don't blame jax for his reaction.

> now his downfall with ribbit. at least now we know that jax's habit of pushing people away as soon as they get a bit too close is old. their fight broke my heart, but i think this habit of him definitly is rooted into his upbringing as well. despite ribbit's reassurance that she'll keep it all secret, he's afraid that they're gonna 'hold it over his head'. jax in the past was never allowed to be vulnerable, he was even shamed for it, so it's not a surprise he thinks ribbit is actually not any different from his parents who could have mocked him for his vulnerabilities or even use it as some sort of emotional blackmail. it's definitly what he's hinting at during their fight.

> jax is always self sabotaging himself. from the moment he killed his mother, he considers himself a terrible person unworthy of anything, so when life gives him people who cares, he pushes them away because he doesn't deserve it, and he makes things worse for himself in the process. he pushes ribbit away, she abstracts. he pushes kaufmo away, he abstracts (also the line 'you're gonna cry, looking like this' to me both resonates with his mentalities of 'men don't cry' and 'i'm in a cartoon body, none of this is real, why do you care'), he pushes away ragatha, she doesn't abstract but their friendship falls apart. he doesn't allow more people in, being an asshole straight up to gangle as soon as she arrives. pomni is the only one since ribbit who saw through all of that.

— pomni meeting jax

> jax still doesn't understand why pomni is here. why despite seeing all his secrets, all the horrible things he's done, despite seeing what person he truly is, why she's still there. their hug also broke me, he really needed that.

> two scenes i wanna talk about: jax changing clothes, could be representative of all his layers, or another hint at his gender and the way he percieves it. then, the big door closing with the line 'you're not supposed to care about me' to me means either himself locking up this vulnerability inside of his mind and letting it disappear from others, or a way he sees how things should happend: you shouldn't care about me, you should just push me away, closing the door were the light is and leaving him in the dark.

> i'm glad the others went and found pomni before she'd potentially abstract with jax. i love how they managed to recreate the whole circus and make this dark tent for jax to be safely in while he's abstracted.

> also, gangle's scene with zooble warmed my heart. she's in the right to have complicated feelings about jax, given the way he treated her. i don't blame her for not crying at his abstraction and crying at him getting taken cared of by the others. as zooble said, they're still human, so it's normal for her to feel that way.

— caine

> i did not expect seeing more of caine actually he caught me off guard lol. he ended up in the void, and it was fascinating to watch him learn like the ai he is. the way he creates his way up to the files, breaking barriers and building a path it's very cool. also, i'm guessing the names we saw were the real names of the gang before they got here. we got real footage of humans social medias as caine learn about them.

> it was also fascinating watching him fight his own mind, the humanity and empathy he gained vs the rage and resentment he has in his code. he actually takes out the blue ai out of him is amazing. he's letting all of that go, he diesn't feel like the all powerful ringmaster anymore, now he's just caine.

— the ending

> gosh i cried. caine genuinely learned from his mistake, and decided to make an open world for them. they can't get out, but they can make whatever they want of this world together. i loved seeing them include him in their group.

> seeing what happened to each humans versions of them was amazing. it's so nice knowing that out there they're all well and happy. they all have friends, families, successful careers, an easier life, it's so heartwarming. and even in the circus, they did managed to find meaning in their stagnant life. they do what they want, still go on adventure, and are there for each others.

> the very last scene in the human world, i loved it. all of them as strangers, just meeting at a bus stop. they have no idea what happened to their brain scans and how close they actually are. i'd really love for them to eventually become close again in this world.