Alastor and Lilith should be taking ibuprofen together
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@starryeyeddreamer21
Alastor and Lilith should be taking ibuprofen together

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Me: *writing an emotional scene and remembers that Lucifer hasn't been wearing a shirt this entire time*
Also Me: crying, begging, AND shirtless... how is he not winning right now? Lilith and Alastor should be all over that
Okay so I may just be writing this entire fic with my brain turned off because I just remembered that Niffty has been on top of Alastor this entire time and Lucifer and Alastor are currently having just a really weird moment. As much as Niffty would love to have a front row seat to whatever the fuck their problem is she's the person I think I would want to be there the least. So now I need to figure out when to make Husk get her out of there because it needs to happen before she has the chance to fujoshi out.
A real thought process I just had btw
Alastor would use it/its pronouns (remembers) um vox would use it/its pronouns
Me: *writing an emotional scene and remembers that Lucifer hasn't been wearing a shirt this entire time*
Also Me: crying, begging, AND shirtless... how is he not winning right now? Lilith and Alastor should be all over that
One of the Greats

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Lilith and Lucifer have always argued about sinners. Lucifer says they're all awful disgusting monsters but Lilith argues that he doesn't know anything about any of them because he's never spent time with a sinner. On one specific day this argument leads to a bet.
The two of them will go undercover as sinners. They'll live and work among them. They'll both actually spend time with sinners, talk to them and try to have actual relationships. Lucifer thinks that Lilith will change her mind about them once she sees how they treat her without a crown. Lilith thinks that once Lucifer sees them in their everyday lives he'll remember that in the end they're all just people.
The plan is to go undercover for about a year. Lilith still needs to make public appearances as queen every once in a while because it'd be suspicious if she didn't but they both hand off a lot of their work to the other sins. They check in of course but it's only a year so it's fine.
They get an apartment that they actually have to stay in and they open up their own store as a way to become a part of the community. Then they just live like normal people and wait.
It's slow for a while but while Lucifer is on break a group of people show up. They have weapons, they're violent, and they start destroying the store and threatening Lilith. She honestly just plans to get rid of them and fix everything before Lucifer shows up so he doesn't know this happened but then someone else walks in.
Alastor was walking by and saw the group trying to attack a woman through the windows. He goes inside and kills and eats them all.
For a moment Lilith is actually offended by this. She did NOT need his help but she quickly realizes that he just actually HELPED her. A sinner, an overlord at that, saved her for no reason other than to help. He didn't ask for anything in return. He killed the people, asked if she was alright, and then left. Oh Lucifer was going to eat his fucking words...
It's 2:30 am and my sister just knocked on my door to announce that there's a third Camp Rock movie coming out and for some reason my immediate response was to say "They can't do that!"
My writing buddy
He comes in a bag
Idk I just think that Alastor and Lilith should kill people together and gift each other bloody hearts
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Transcribed from @stylinbreeze60's post.
Feel free to send me a letter(s) (or any question really! xD)

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If given the chance I would actually fight Lucifer for Lilith and I would absolutely lose but my last moments would be her looking down at me with disgust or even just complete disinterest, she'd nudge my dying body with her foot, and call me pathetic, and I'd die happy and with a smile on my face just because I was in her presence at all
Lucifer would be so fascinated by Husk’s magic tricks. I mean yeah sure Lucifer has the angelic power of creation but he loves the idea that humans who have zero magical ability of their own just decided to make it up for fun. He doesn't care at all about Husk’s actual magic but he loves card tricks. Lucifer asks Husk how he does it because he knows it isn't actual magic but Husk does the whole "a magician never reveals their secret" thing. Of course Lucifer could figure it out by himself, he could easily go online and learn but he kind of likes the mystery and the awe of it all. He sits at the bar and pesters Husk until he shows him magic tricks and they just do that for hours at a time. Husk likes to pretend he's annoyed but he actually really likes that someone is interested in this part of him. He's always loved magic tricks but in a place like hell where actual magic is the norm nobody seemed to care. Except Lucifer who is now his number one fan apparently.
Sometimes I have to just sit here and think about how heaven basically chained up Lucifer’s magic against sinners and I really understand the punishment I do but they apparently just have the ability to make Lucifer harmless and they use that to keep him from killing the people who suck and they don't even like but not them??? We know hell can uprise and that heaven is even afraid of that happening and they have the ability to make the strongest weapon in hell's arsenal all but harmless but they just didn't do that??? This is insane to me like if Lucifer was just a little more vengeful heaven would be screwed
Sometimes I have to just sit here and think about how heaven basically chained up Lucifer’s magic against sinners and I really understand the punishment I do but they apparently just have the ability to make Lucifer harmless and they use that to keep him from killing the people who suck and they don't even like but not them??? We know hell can uprise and that heaven is even afraid of that happening and they have the ability to make the strongest weapon in hell's arsenal all but harmless but they just didn't do that??? This is insane to me like if Lucifer was just a little more vengeful heaven would be screwed
I hate the torturing the blonde man jokes because they're just true like yeah okay fine I'm a basic bitch and I AM torturing the blonde man you win

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Alright so basically new au where humans find out gods are real and immediately start by learning how to kill them
When Lilith was just a baby her family handed her over to the organization that trained people to kill gods. She grew up there with no memory of anything before.
Alastor was taken by them when he was a child. His mother worshipped a god that by now Alastor doesn't remember the name of. They were attacked. The god and everyone who fought for them was killed except for Alastor who was brought to be trained since he was still so young. He doesn't remember a lot from his time before but unlike Lilith he remembers what it was like to be loved by a family.
The two of them stuck together as they grew up. They trained together and were made into official partners. They were each other's best friends and eventually they fell for each other too.
They were finally sent on their first mission with just the two of them. They were sent to kill a god so ancient that even the organization didn't know its name.
They get to what they think is going to be a temple filled with cultists but that wasn't what they found. It's just a garden. Every plant in it dead and wilted. There were no animals and no worshippers there to protect the god like there usually was.
In the very center of the garden there is a patch of life. A large tree, flowers and grass at its base. At first they didn’t notice the figure laying in the grass between the roots. He was so still and not like any other god they've ever seen. He looked so small and he didn't attack them. He actually didn't even seem to notice them at all. His eyes were closed like he was asleep. Moss grew across his skin and flowers bloomed in his hair.
His eyes opened but only enough for them to see a flicker of gold before they were closed again. Lilith and Alastor weren't sure what to make of this. This being clearly wasn't human but he wasn't violent like they were told all gods were. They'd never had to kill someone that didn't fight back before. It felt wrong to start now.
So they did the one thing they were never supposed to do. They asked for his name. The more people that spoke a god's the more power they gained but it was too late to take the question back now.
The god's eyes didn't open but he still spoke and when he did it sounded almost painful like he hadn’t made a sound in a thousand years.
"Lucifer."
And when Lilith and Alastor repeated the name aloud the living patch of grass around them grew just an inch.
Lilith and Charlie: We have to save them
Alastor, a sadist who Does Not Care about these people and just wants to watch the chaos: No we don't???
Lucifer, also doesn't care about these people and very much does not want his wife and daughter to risk their lives for them: No we don't!!!