I wish it didn't give out three weeks before moving out, when it was probably gonna be sold or donated somewhere anyways

the timing of it almost makes it either a cruel joke or a reassuring omen

It's the same microwave we bought when moving here, it even survived a house fire for goodness sake

it's been with us thru it all, the ups the downs the transitions and the changes

and yet it didn't make it thru to see the most important one happening soon

and I'm grieving for it.

Since losing my job, I've been a wreck from this whole process of decisions to move away and plans to make it happen. So many factors to why how and when out of my control.

I'm so worn down mentally and emotionally for months over this and everything that comes after. I don't even know what that is. I don't know what the after is or how to live life again once the scenery changes once more.

I feel like I'm back at zero. Crying and exhausted and scared as I arrive into the unknown again. I feel like a child again. I feel my identity and purpose has slipped beyond my reach again.

and yet my microwave died yesterday.

No point in getting a replacement since we're leaving soon and there will be one at the place we are going to.

So for now it's just here, on the counter in the same transitional period as myself

and i'm sad about it

I'm sad to let it go

It's silly, I know. Deep down I know it is.

I'm giving up so much with this decision in general and yet I'm grieving the premature loss of a kitchen appliance that couldn't see the end of this life's chapter, and yet it's one less thing to bring along with this major change.

So as I cry about a dead microwave in the wee hours of the morning, it sinks deeper into my heart that