study

So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.

So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.

So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.

This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner. 

So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.

writing adult emails is awful

its like

hi [name of person], 

this formatting is making me uncomfortable but I have to tell you something / ask you something that is vital to my career as a student. 

I re-read and edited that sentence for an hour, but you’ll probably just glance over it for half a second.

thanks! 

Dear Person I am Writing To:

This is an optional sentence introducing who I am and work for, included if the addressee has never corresponded with me before. The second optional sentence reminds the person where we met, if relevant. This sentence states the purpose of the email.

This optional paragraph describes in more detail what’s needed. This sentence discusses relevant information like how soon an answer is needed, what kind of an answer is needed, and any information that the other person might find useful. If there’s a lot of information, it’s a good idea to separate this paragraph into two or three paragraphs to avoid having a Wall of Text.

If a description paragraph was used, close with a restatement of the initial request, in case the addressee ignored the opening paragraph.

This sentence is just a platitude (usually thanking them for their time) because people think I’m standoffish, unreasonably demanding, or cold if it’s not included.

Closing salutation,

Signature.

| january 8, 2018 |

journal excerpt ‪—‬ “god things” and tiny miracles

nature: her warm light, blue skies, soft breeze, the smell of blooming.

nature (again): her dark velvet skies, sparkling stars, the feeling of beautiful abandonment, when it feels like I’m the only person alive; like god, or nature herself, is going to lean in and tell me a secret.

music: being in a hot, excited crowd, feeling of belonging; listening to an old song and remembering where (and who) you were the last time you cried to it, or danced with it, or screamed it’s lyrics.

1. Organization and discipline are two totally different things. Being organized, in whatever aspect of your life, takes discipline and drive. Organization is a daily routine, and developing the discipline to keep yourself in that routine and thrive in it will carry you well in the coming year. Get a journal/notebook/calendar. Decorate it as you wish or not at all–it IS for you after all, so do what you think works best. Set a reminder in your phone or something within view that reminds you to check your planner if need be, and set aside 5+ minutes to do so. This will help you get in the swing of things :)

2. Eat as healthy as you possibly can, but let’s be real, chocolate, candy, chips, etc. gets the best of ANYONE. I say this because I feel it’s best to stress, especially in the coming year, that we’re not perfect. Feed your brain fruit, healthy grains, vegetables, calcium and iron-rich foods, etc., but it’s more than okay to go for that chocolate bar every now and then.

3. Sleep. Netflix will save where you last left off on Stranger Things. Hulu will remember where you were at on your movie. Sleep will not. You will NEVER be able to make up for lost sleep, no matter how hard you try. So set yourself a set bedtime that will get you the best amount of sleep that you’ll need to function optimally the next day. Shoot for 7+ hours. Your body needs rest. Put the laptop and phone away, meditate, count sheep, or whatever it is that will help you sleep…and do so. I can’t stress how much sleep affects mental and physical health, and overall function. Don’t take it for granted.

4. There’s a difference between challenging yourself and overwhelming yourself. I am throwing this phrase at you guys in the form of glitter and positive energy as we speak. This is SOOOOOO!!!! IMPORTANT!!!! Challenging yourself is great, but it has its limits. If you want to take an AP class, by all means do so. If you’re planning on taking 4 at one time, check yourself and ask yourself, “Combined with my other commitments, will this overwhelm me?” It’s a simple question, but it’s a very important one. In college, keep in mind the classes you need to take and how many credit hours you think you can feasibly take on. Your mental health is so important, please don’t wear your pretty selves down ✨🌸

5. Give yourself something to look forward to everyday. It can be big, or small. But I’ve found that finding something to look forward to the next day, whether it’d be cracking open a new book, watching a new video your favorite youtuber put out, making a nice breakfast, etc. can really go a long way. We all need a little motivation to get through the day. It’s in the little things, trust me.

6. Find a hobby. Hobbies are so important. They’re great coping mechanisms and ease the stress of work, school, etc. Take some time to find what you’re interested in and start small. Try scrapbooking, or maybe join a fun club on campus. If you’re into cooking, look up some recipes you wouldn’t normally try and try it! Get funky! Take a dance class or go to they gym. Find what suits you. It will help you in the long run.

7. Love yourself. This is easier said and done, obviously, but promoting a positive mental image of yourself is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Cut yourself some slack. It sounds so cheesy, but go look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself one thing you love about yourself. Do it every morning. Or, write it down in a journal or something. Say it to yourself on the bus. Hang with people that make you feel good about yourself and add value to your life. Do things that make you happy. Listen to new music, reward yourself with a new outfit. You guys are all gorgeous ass human beings and I want nothing but the greatest of self-love for you guys ❤️❤️

8. ...and love others, too. Remember your family, and your friends. They can be your greatest support system. Spend as much time with them as possible. Check in with your friends, hang out with them, be there for them. Be attentive at the dinner table with your family, engage in discussion. Take time to check in on your siblings. If you find yourself liking someone and it turns into a budding relationship, assess if the person will add to your happiness and that it is healthy. Also determine if you’ll be able to provide the time, energy, and care that goes into a relationship among the other commitments in your life. If check, check, and check, by all means go ahead. Have a blast 😎😇

As a university student whose course load is heavily math-based, I’ve had my fair share of encounters with math problems that seem unsolvable, and notes that make absolutely no sense. Fortunately, I’ve also come across a lot of useful resources that I thought I would share with my fellow math comrades! So here is my list of “life-saving” math resources that will hopefully make your math life a little bit easier.

Wolfram Alpha

Definitely the most used resource when I am doing math homework. It’s capable of solving basically any math problem. You have to pay to see the step-by-step solution, and I have a shared account with my friend, so that’s an option if you want to pay a little bit less!

Symbolab

Similar to Wolfram Alpha, but free! You can see the step-by-step solutions without paying, so that’s great. However, the downside is that if your math problem is quite complicated, it may not have the solution (i.e. crazy integrals)

Paul’s Online Math Notes

This website has notes on algebra to multivariable calculus, with plenty of examples and explanations. This is an actual life saver for my friends who are doing advanced/university level math. Especially if your professor has atrocious writing but can’t seem to stray away from hand written notes. 

Khan Academy

Has video lessons on elementary to university level math. Great for visual learners, since the lessons include a lot of graphs and diagrams. Not to mention this website offers video lessons on a variety of subjects!

Desmos

Graph functions (single and multivariable) and plot data tables!

Slader

Textbook solutions!!! You can probably find the solutions to most of the calculus textbooks used in universities. Really great for those who like to study by doing a bunch of practice questions.

Bonus: Scannable (not really math related, but still useful)

As you all know the secret to all memorization is revision. Revising can’t always be done the night before unfortunately, but has to be scheduled. Sometimes I find scheduling my studies quite hard, especially during stressful times. Here are some resources that can help you with scheduling your studies.

Making a study plan

Study plan lay out (1) (2) (3) (4)

Prepare for finals week video

Study plan by an oxbridge student

Study plan by a med student

Schedule your school calendar

Creating long term study plans

Study plan printable

Ways of planning

Bullet journal 

Passion planner

Choose the right planner

Weekly 

Daily

Monthly

To -do lists

Minimalist planning

Balancing social life and studying in your study plan

Finding time to study

Save time during the week

Organizing your life

Balancing school life and social life

Managing a heavy workload

Make the most out of your day

When you have a bad day

Useful apps/web resources for making a study plan

App plan 

Google calendar

Calendars 5

Forest

Wunderlist

Momentum

Omnifocus

Study apps

Other productivity tips

14 productivity hacks 

Time management 

Due vs do dates

Stop procrastinating

5 minutes for a more productive day

How to focus when a million things seem to happen at the same time

Productivity masterpost

The 2 minute rule

Pomodoro method

5 tips for staying productive

A question about productivity