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love the german saying “the child has already fallen into the well” for ‘what’s done is done’/’it’s too late’. yea, man, just keep it there. put a lid on the well. get another kid. oh, it’s screaming? sorry, no can do. yea, no, no need to climb in and rescue it, what’s done is done. :)

thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence

this is a man who has experienced The Public

“Look at me”

Happy Election 2020

OH! This is the first time I’ve seen a picture for it!

this is my single favorite halloween post in all of time and history

people will say they aren’t attractive and then go create art and then go write beautiful poetry and then go bake a cake for a friend and then go spread positivity and then go write a novel and then continue to say they aren’t attractive, as if everything they do doesn’t count or doesn’t matter, as if societal expectations somehow decide their worth and fate.

americans think ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN of driving 7 hours. they’ll drive 7 hours just for dinner. they’ll drive 7 hours just for chips and dip

i went to england to visit the family of this boy im dating in birmingham. one of his sisters lived in manchester and his whole family kept being like we wish lila was her you would love her blah blah blah lila would just lobe you blah and I was finally like well why couldn’t she make it? everyone was like lol as we said she’s in manchester??? that’s it. i looked up the distance and it’s like less than two hours away and when me and my dude went to grab a beer later that night I was like so does Lila not get along with your parents like what’s up? again, he’s like babe I told you she’s in manchester. I was like are the villages at war????? he goes “it’s too far. this isn’t holiday.” I was like babe we’ve drivin 4-5 hours for weekend trips to the beach Im just confused- and he cuts me off and goes “that’s American me. We don’t do that here”

can somebody caption this for me

I wish my father was here! *LA CUCARACHA!* *SCrrEEEEEECH* *COWBOY MUSIC* HELLOOoO Soss! Timmy Turner, my name is Dougsdale Dimmadale Dimmadimmsdomedoodiddomedimedimmsdimmadimmadome owner of the Dougsdimmsdimmadaledimmadimsdomedodimmadimmsdaledimmadimmsdaledimmadome! Thank you for locating my long-lost son Dale Dimmadimmsdomedoodiddomedimedimmsdimmadimmadome, heir to the Dougsdimmsdimmadaledimmadimsdomedoodimmadimmsdaledimmadimmsdougsdaledimmadome fortune! If there’s anything I can ever do to repay you for your kindness, all you need to do is ask!!! Doug Dimmadome? The owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome? Not right. Not right? That’s right. Doug Dougmadomedimmadimmadomedimmsdaledomedaledimmsdodimmdougdodimmadomedimmadomedimmadomedimmadome owner of the Dougsdimmsdimmadaledimmadimsdomedoodimmadimmsdaledimmadimmadimmadimmadimmsdaledimmadome. The same Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, where they’re showing Crash Nebula? On ice? Yeah! Not right. Not right?! That’s right. Timmy Turner, my name is Timmy Dimmadoodimmadome owner of the *SOUND OF COMPUTER DYING* Then you can get me three tickets to s– Not right! !O L L E H *hcEeeeEERrrCS* *!AHCARACUC AL LA CUCARACHA!* *LIMO REPEATEDLY PULLS UP AND PULLS AWAY* I wish my father was here! *Freezeframe, grayscale* CRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLINGGG INNNNNNNNNN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN THESE WOUUUUNNDS THEY WIIIIILL…………….

just so you know this transscript is in fact actually 100% accurate

My head hurts