Hello Again: Some Thoughts That Happen to Fall on World Cancer Day 2017
Hi--can you hear me? I don’t even know if people still follow this blog but even if one person reads this and connects in some way then I’ve done my part.
So. This is me now:
A lot has changed in the half-year since I posted on this blog. I’m throwing my picture out into the void but am still feeling nervous in the wake of the Catfish so I won’t go into too much general detail. But my life right now is amazing.
Except my health is not so great. I’m going to dive head-first into taboo and tell you all about my period problems because I am a young adult cancer survivor and our struggles are united and valid. I refuse to be ashamed anymore. We can find unity in pain.
Some background: I didn’t freeze my eggs before chemo. I was traumatized by the fertility councling process and did not want to delay treatment. I took Lupron shots instead and suspended my body’s reproductive system. Things were never quite the same after treatment. I didn’t have a period for 7 months, then had 2 periods a month for 4 months. I thought I finally fixed it this summer with a new birth control dosage.
Over winter break, though, I could barely eat. Every food caused me severe bloating and when my period arrived so did excruciating headaches and terrible cramps. I pledged to go to a doctor. My first doctor recommended I switch to another birth control regimen and I didn’t quite trust the advice; she was treating me like every other college patient and not like a cancer survivor with serious symptoms.
So I took charge, exactly as survivorship has taught me to, and got a second opinion. She immediately pledged to find out what was wrong with me.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of things wrong with me. And a lot of the things wrong with me are indeed related to cancer and treatment.
I have extremely low estrogen right now. After a quick Google search, I realized how many of my symptoms this explains. It’s also why I have been so exhausted, so quick to cry, and so sweaty at night. My doctor explained that this imbalance is related to birth control, and because of chemotherapy. We’re going to try to fix it. It’s going to be a long processes.
I am quite infertile. Luckily, I still have some eggs and will probably be able to freeze them after this treatment. This is great news for me, since this question has been up in the air since I rejected freezing before chemo. But it is also huge news. And it feels heavy nonetheless.
The third major thing is an endometriosis diagnosis. This also explains a lot. A week ago I had such severe cramps I thought I was going to have to go to the ER; I was seeing stars, I couldn’t stand up, and I felt like throwing up. Surgery should help fix this.
The diagnostic process reminded me of the trauma of the months and weeks leading up to my cancer diagnosis. I cried a lot in the past two weeks. It’s hard to have night sweats after surviving lymphoma. It’s hard to get an abnormal blood test and have to wait for results. It’s hard to be sick.
But I’m going to keep fighting. I’m trying so hard.Â
Cancer survivors--please reach out if you share any of these struggles. I’m really in need of the community right now. Endometriosis girls? you out there? Could also use some advice and cheer.Â
This is me reactivating my engagement with the community. I needed some time off. I hope I’ll find a bit of peace through writing and exploring these hard subjects.
