Butt Hell

Woman: Hello!i really love that you put God in the center of your life:) it is not easy to find a guy like you..cause i also believe that God is always our partner in everything that we do and in every decision we make:)

Bob: I agree. I think it takes real bravery to put all your faith in God like you and I do.

Woman: Yes it is.can i talk to you more?cause i really want to talk to someone about my relationship with God and i feel that i can learn so much from you:)

Woman: Good morning:)

Bob: I'd love to talk to you more about our relationships with God. When did you start seeing God?

Woman: Ever since when i was kid i was molded by my parents to put God always in my life

Woman: How about you?

Bob: I met Him at Starbucks about two years ago, and He asked if He could buy me a coffee.

Woman: That is nice.I believe God is everywhere but it is up to us if we notice and listen to

Him.

Woman: I read that youre a Doctor. So when treating a patient how do you apply both science and God?

Bob: Well, since I began my relationship with God, I don't use science anymore. He doesn't let me. But that's OK. Even though all my patients die now, that just means they're going to heaven sooner.

Woman: Well that is good but may i know why you met him in Starbucks?

Woman: Do you have any messaging app?

Bob: He likes to go to Starbucks every morning before work. I have all messaging apps.

Woman: Okay i see just like you?can you add me up?

Woman: God really helps you in a lot of ways especially that youre a doctor and your isnt that too easy since different problems are being encountered

Woman: And have you read Purpose Driven Life by Ric Warren?

Bob: I have! God recommended it to me. He said, "It's a dick of a lot better than that shit you're always reading," and knocked my copy of tyre Bible out of my hands.

Bob: the Bible*

Woman: Well that is really good..hope i can see and hear from yoi

Woman: What was the greatest blessing that you ever received from God?

Bob: Probably the last blow job He gave me. It was phenomenal.

Woman: What?i dont understand?is it you becoming a doctor now?

Woman: Do you have any other messaging app?

Bob: Yes, I have all of them.

Woman: Can i at least have one?

Bob: My username on all apps is bob.

Woman: So in kik skype is bob?

Woman: I cant find you

Bob: Did you look for bob?

Woman: Yes theres a lot

Bob: I'm the first one.

Woman: What?can you just give me a specific messaging app with your specific username

Bob: My Skype username is bob

Woman: Bob what?

Bob: Just bob.

Woman: I really cant find you sorry

Bob: Hmm, maybe try WhatsApp. My username is bob.

Woman: Hi Bob! I am very much interested with you as very Godly! Hope we'll be friends

Bob: I hope we'll just be friends too! Or less would be fine also. Just not more than friends.

Woman: Why? Do you have special someone alrdy?

Bob: No. I just want to be less than friends.

Woman: Okay np

Bob: But preferably in a way where we still have sex. Like acquaintances with benefits.

Woman: Lol

Woman: That can't happen

Bob: Why not? But please answer in a way that does not lead to our becoming friends.

Woman: I dont want to be friends with you. Worst, dont want to be frnds with perverts

Bob: I'm not a pervert. I just want to have sex with you in a non-friendly way.

Woman: No.

Woman: your smile totally made me smile...hi :)

Bob: And your smile made me smile! Now we'll probably get into an endless circle of smiles and waste the rest of our fucking lives smiling at each other like a couple of retards.

Woman: ...there's worse things, no?

Woman: lol

Woman: Hello. U would be perfect for me but im a lil older and my child rearing days are over. I am so blessed by reading ur profile and i will pray for u as u continue in the work and will of God. I would love to chat sometime. Be Mightily Blessed!!!

Bob: Oh, I'm sure you'll be great at child rearing. Now we just have to get you nice and pregnant, and you're going to do just fine.

Woman: Really. U r funny. I already have two children (twins) i dont want anymore. Lol

Bob: But they probably want more.

Woman: So how can i talk to u

Bob: First have my kids. Then we'll talk.

Woman: How can i do that if i dont know u

Bob: Part of getting to know someone is having his kids. There's a natural progression here: first we have kids, then we meet, and then we get to know each other.

Woman: And i thought u were a Godly person. Take care and God bless!!!!

Woman: Hello my name is Ashley. How are things going for you?

Bob: I'm pooping! I'm fucking pooping finally! FINALLY.

Woman: Nice..... A little constipation I take it. Lol.

Woman: I feel like we've been down this road before, lol

Bob: What road?

Woman: The one where we started to try to talk and then you're account got hacked into

Bob: Oh, yeah, it did! I kept changing the password, but the guy kept somehow logging in. I don't know how he was doing it. I eventually just had to remake my account.

Woman: Haha, that's really creepy and talented that he was able to figure out your new passwords so quickly.

Bob: I think maybe he hacked into OKCupid's servers or something and looked it up.

Woman: Did you let OkCupid know?

Bob: Hmm, I guess I should. Good idea. I'll send them an email. How was your weekend?

Woman: Mine was pretty good. Went to DC to visit the family and went for nice walk on Sunday to enjoy the beautiful weather. How about you?

Bob: gurl if theres somethin thats beautiful its u, no wut im talkin bout? id like to get sum dc in to u: dick cock.

Woman: Are you sure you're just not bi-polar? Lol

Bob: What the Hell. I don't know how or why this person keeps doing this. I emailed OKCupid. For the time being, ignore messages from "me" that are written incoherently I guess. Sorry about this.

Woman: Haha, it is really weird. Hopefully OkCupid can fix it. Seems like he really likes you though so you've always got that :)

Bob: hay i aint into men i dont need 2 b liked by sum guy

Woman: Then why hack into his account?

Woman: Hello :)

Bob: Hi! How was your day?

Woman: Wonderful and you?

Bob: Great! Zero patients = happy Bob.

Woman: Lol... So what kind of doctor are you? I am going back to college to major in Biology with a concentration in environmental biology. I would like to contribute to the development of anti venoms, saving endangered species and creating a natural cure for stroke victims or a more affordable cure. I am currently in Law enforcement. I feel my mind is not being used to its fullest potential..

Woman: Wanted to thank you for all that you do. To serve a purpose in this grand world.

Bob: Thanks! I really feel like I'm doing a good job this week because I haven't seen any patients. I'm a doctor of internal medicine.

Woman: Thats awesome I almost died 20 months ago...

Woman: The amazing medical staff saved my life

Bob: Wow, what happened?

Woman: Food poisoning that turned into a stomach infection I could not walk or talk for 2 months. My body was shutting down but my mind and heart just kept fighting. I love life too much. I would lay in bed for hours convincing myself I could walk. I would say god give me the strength, I am too young, have too much love in my heart to spread throughout this world. You can't take me yet please. I would repeat this for hours and hours.... There was 1 nurse in particular and 1 doctor who I will never forget. The nurse told me you will walk and get better. I remember her praying for me because my youngest daughter fell asleep with tears in her eyes holding my hand. I was always appreciative of life but learned that even an ordinary day is an extraordinary day.

Bob: Lol.

Woman: Thats not funny meany :(

Bob: I tried not to laugh, but sometimes it's hard to suppress.

Woman: So someone dying is funny to you?

Bob: You didn't die. But you have to admit it's a pretty funny story.

Woman: Not funny at all that was the worst experience of my life...

Bob: Lol?

Woman: Good evening, How was your trip to Uganda that you mentioned? I know someone who is in Uganda right now serving in a a babies' home. It seems like a mix of emotions of heartbreak, but joy in serving people and the Lord. I hope you're having a good week.

Bob: What's a babies' home?

Woman: It is a home for orphaned and abandoned infants and toddlers. I've heard it's quite a crisis in Uganda.

Bob: Oh, it is. The government started a program wherein the least desirable babies are used to provide food for starving families, which has actually made a significant dent in both problems.

Woman: It's so sad to think of children being thought of as undesirable (though we see that in the US as well). Have you been to any other countries other than Uganda? I haven't been there, but I have gone to Mexico with a church team several times.

Bob: I've only been to Uganda, but I'd like to try Mexico sometime. It sounds pretty fun. They eventually had to cancel the Crib to Plate program because a small fraction of families wound up getting their own kids back to eat.

Woman: Um, what are you talking about? That sounds horrifying! I originally though the wording was just strange, but..I don't think you're being serious. Unless I am completely misunderstanding you, I am seriously confused, lol.

Woman: Wow....reverse image search was quite revealing...I don't think you are who you claim to be.http://www.royalbankofmountvema.com/

Woman: http://blogs.christianpost.com/mike-silva/men-defined-10608/#more

Bob: I can't believe RBMV stole my OKCupid profile pic! I'll have to have my lawyer, Warren Buffett, draft a cease-and-desist.

Woman: Oh sure. He can help you with the report you just got to. You may mean it all in fun, but it's not what this site is for.

Woman: Hi there! What kind of medicine do you do?

Bob: Internal medicine. As in let's get inside each other, boy.

Bob: I mean girl.

Woman: Hey! I would love to talk if you are interested

Bob: I am! In fact, I'm just about fascinated!

Woman: Well ask away! And you seem like the fascinating one. Doctor. Uganda.

Woman: Hello how are you

Bob: Great! How's your weekend?

Woman: It sucked but happy to be alive

Woman: How was ur

Bob: Mine sucked too. Some guy broke into my house and sucked my dick while I was asleep.

Woman: Wow lol did you lay there an fun or you kicked his ass

Woman: Hi just to let you if this is u in this pic sexy smile

Bob: Well, when I woke up, I was already coming, and then he ran away, so I didn't really know what to do.

Woman: Lol

Woman: So tell me what you are looking for

Bob: I'm looking for that guy so I can talk to him. I have so many questions and feelings right now.

Woman: Really well I do be on here . That much maybe you can txt or call an what I can not answer God got the answer [phone number]

Bob: Do you know the guy who sucked on me?

Woman: No

Bob: How can I find him?

Woman: I have no idea

Woman: Stop looking for what you did not see an fine the one that will weak you up so you can enjoy it

Bob: But I love him.

Woman: Lol ok

Bob: I think he's my soul mate.

Woman: Are u a bot

Woman: Well why you on a dating app

Bob: I'm trying to meet someone. And I think I finally have.

Woman: Ok that's good

Bob: I may never find him again though. Love can be so cruel.

Woman: Wow so you are big or just gay

Bob: Big.

Woman: Bi

Bob: No, just big. Down there.

Woman: Ok

Woman: So you want to hang out became friends an see where it go

Bob: Honestly at this point in my life I'm only interested in meeting my soul mate, and I already know who that is now. So your job is to help me find him.

Woman: How am I going to do that

Woman: Good morning. Your profile was like a breath of fresh air considering some of the other ones I have came across. I think it is wonderful how you are using your profession to not only help others but spread Gods love at the same time

Bob: Thanks! God is my foremost motivation in life. I just want to make Him proud. You're in the medical field too? Cool! What do you do?

Woman: That's wonderful. Without God nothing is possible so making him proud is really all that matters. I am a Registered Nurse I work for government contractor. Are you local or do you mostly practice elsewhere?

Bob: I practice exclusively in China. I commute.

Woman: Good morning... What made you decide to practice only in China? And since that is where you work why are you commuting? What is bringing you back to Virginia Beach?

Bob: I just found a really good job there, one I couldn't pass up. My house is in Virginia Beach though, so I have to commute.

Woman: Oh ok sounds like a great experience.. How often are you in Virginia Beach?

Bob: Every night. It takes most of twelve hours to get to Beijing, so I fly there, do a little bit of work, come home, sleep for a tiny bit, and then head back.

Woman: Good morning. Wow what a busy schedule you have sounds almost unreal. I can only imagine how exhausted you must be all the time from all that traveling. I flew to Hawaii once for vacation. I could not imagine taking thag flight for work everyday.

Bob: Yeah, it's like that times two. Too bad I have trouble sleeping on planes!

Woman: Smh ... That's crazy... Oh no lol .. So are you in china now? Do you get days off?

Bob: I'm on a plane over the Pacific Ocean. Thankfully it has Wi-Fi, or I'd go crazy! I work seven days a week.

Woman: Good morning ... I don't know how you have time for anything let alone dating. That's interesting you can text on the plane?

Bob: Yeah, I can do it through the Wi-Fi. Our date will probably have to be between 3:30 and 4:00 in the morning. That's the time I usually spend sleeping.

Woman: Have you ever actually convinced anyone to go on a date at that time? I can not think of any appropriate activities for a suitable first date at that time .. Can you?

Bob: Dinner?

Woman: Who eats dinner at 3:30 am?!

Woman: How are you?

Bob: Great! How's your day?

Woman: It was good. I was off today and off again tomorrow. :) how was your day? Did you work today?

Bob: Lemme tell ya somethin little lady. You ever fucked a chicken?

Woman: What kind of question is that?

Woman: Oh snap!

Woman: http://youtu.be/68ZZ-3ckwiw Have a blessed Sunday!

Bob: Thanks! That was a cool video. How'd you find it?

Woman: He's our church senior pastor :-).

Woman: Yeah.. :-) Pastor prince is an awesome preacher of the grace/gospel..Can i ask what part of the video do you like the most?

Woman: http://youtu.be/vE7uUSwlf8Q

Bob: I liked the part where he was waving his finger back and forth.

Woman: Hahaha! I can't remember the part that he waived his finger back and forth? By the way, did you like the message?

Woman: Are you not doing the same kind of waving when you are explaining to your patients? :-)

Bob: I did! *wags finger*

Woman: Hahaha! I pictured it already in my mind. [peace-sign emoticon] sorry for late reply, i am on my night shift duty. Now, I am having my break.

Woman: May I know what specialty are you working as a doctor? I worked in sugical-orthopaedic before for 4 years as a RN, currently I am in Renal Ward. I've been working here in singapore for 7 years. I am from Philippines :)

Bob: *wags finger*

Woman: Sorry..

Woman: I truly enjoyed reading your profile... It is awesome to see someone looking for a love and not forgetting the most important member of any relationship, God... I'm catholic, but just like all of us out here I'm no saint... I had a kid without being married, wish I could have done it different but I don't regret it as my son has brought so much joy to my life. I too am looking for a man of God to raise a family with. Best of luck to you. If you want to allow me to get to know you just write me back. Have a blessed day.

Bob: I'd love to get to know you and your son! I'd just love to!

Woman: Awesome... Here's my number [phone number]... Hope to hear from you

Bob: I can't wait to dial the number! I can't wait!

Woman: ???

Bob: I'm about to dial!!!

Woman: Ooook

Woman: What's your first name?

Bob: I can't fucking wait!!! I'm coming!!!

Woman: Got it

Woman: Hey there, I'm [name]. :)

Bob: Hey, I'm Bob! How's your day?

Woman: Hi Bob. It was a pretty good day. Definitely a weather-induced relaxing weekend for me. :) I liked your profile a lot. Are you having much luck online?

Bob: Relaxing = regular defecation? Nice. I haven't had much luck here so far, but I haven't had an account for too long, so I'm still hopeful.

Woman: I'm sorry, what?

Bob: I just mean I haven't really gone on a date with anyone yet or anything, but I've only had the account for a few days.

Woman: Yeah, I was more referring to the first line of your last message.

Bob: Right. I'm glad you're regular.

Woman: You're ridiculous. :)