have you ever dealt with shame as a stud exclusively attracted to other studs, if youāve ever been in situations where youāre around other studs that arenāt attracted to; other studs, and they make negative comments about it (if they have)?
sorry if that question is worded weirdly.
but yeah. Have you? If youu have, have you overcome it ? And if you have, how did you get there? If not and itās a non-linear thing, how do you recover from that external shame/pressure whenever youāre not feeling too confident in yourself?
sorry again that I may be asking inconvenient questions. But I need advice, so yeah š
Hung out with some other studs in a small house party a few days ago and while it was the most electric (in a good way) experience of my life, and Iām going to hang out againā¦ I was immediately nicknamed baby stud. Cuz Iā¦ crossed my legs. In a way that is apparently too feminine (though I think crossing legs is quite masculine but thatās just me ig). And then I was around this hypermasculine stud that made comments (not to me just in general) about not being okay with stud4stud attraction (kind of as a joke but yk how threes things goā¦ if I were to show that attraction near herā¦ she might be weird about it. Or feminize me to understand my attraction; which would cause disphoria of course yay). Those vibes were low key, but I was still affected either way. Idk, just how do you take away that shameā¦?
(youāre the only somewhat active acc thatās stud4stud here that ik of. Most are butches, and white butches to be exact š„². They canāt really help with matters of. uh. race. lol.
omg sorry for taking a while to answer but bro YES.
When I am around other studs in real life or even in online communities I am always bombarded with weird comments about stud4stud/masc4masc. "It's too gay" "Whose the bottom" "Whose the femme" "How would that even work" is always what I hear and it irritates my soul. I'm not explicitly out of the closet due to my living situations but for the times I can be a dyke in peace I'm met with some anti stud4stud foolishness.
I get that people have preferences but the way certain studs (and even black butches) talk about masc4masc lesbian dynamics can come off as "I'm gay but I'm not that type of gay (derogatory)". They portray studs who like other studs as predators and reinforce a stereotype that harms all of us.
I've seen mascs of all identies and races do this but it hurts me even more when it be my own people. Stud4studs/butch4butches want to feel safe and have a community too and yet there's so much stigma against us existing in our own community and its tiring. It's like being trapped in yet another closet.
How I overcome it though? Reading. I reread all of my favorite masc4masc/butch4butch/stud4stud stories I've collected over the years. I read stuff in the butch4butch community posts. I even go to reddit sometimes to reread or find something new. It reminds me that there is a community out there for us it's just really small and hard to find.
Also I think its crazy how you were immediately called a baby stud for crossing your legs??? Everyone does this where I'm at it's not seen as masculine or feminine. š
