♡ ♡

it's genuinely bullshit that you should be required to own a mobile phone for participation in literally any aspect of life

they probably cant love me back in a human or even mammalian sense, but my goldfish with their smooth pea-sized brain have learned to trust that i will make them better when they are sick. i feel like crying about this often

Maybe Princess the tarantula never had anything resembling what we as humans know as emotions, but she still came out of her burrow and up to the glass when we’d talk to her and used to stare at the drawing I’d tape to her terrarium. Maybe she couldn’t even comprehend what we were, but she knew we were there to take care of her. And even if she never showed that sort of curiosity or trust we’d still love her.

Idk if Munchie the praying mantis felt love for me, but I do know he trusted me enough to climb onto my hand when offered and was comfortable with allowing me to carry him places despite me being absolutely massive in comparison to him. So that's close enough in my book.

Wait hold up this is awesome. So not because I'm ugly?

the only way to tell if a man is truly gentle is if he has green moss and algae all over him from sleeping quietly, motionlessly, at the bottom of a crystal clear riverbed

yeah yeah yeah mortifying ordeal of being known and all that but sometimes a friend mentions something about you that you didn’t think was noticeable and it feels like your heart is being cradled in their hands

Wow, Australia looks a lot like America

Wouldst thou like to live deliciously? Make a 5 lb bag of caramelized onions in your slow cooker, freeze them in sandwich baggies, and never eat plain noodles/baguette/scrambled eggs with butter ever again. (I hope your onions caramelize. I hope both our onions caramelize.)

Imprisioned for crimes

psh, this party sucks *teleports to the cactus dimension* oh i don't like it here

7 year olds when a teachers phone goes off in class

thisbgoes off its funy mother fucker

College kids when the profs phone goes off in class

the human eye has evolved to be able to detect more shades of green than any other color! that's because there are so many fucking leafs