probably a hufflepuff

me in my head at the supermarket: nobody is ever going to fucking love me. omg 25% off

your honor my client is guilty can i get another one

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

Call me burger the. the way I court her... pound her

I hate job interviewing "why are you interested in this job" I'm literally not? I do not want to do any of this.

i feel like a lot of people write off “stretchy superheroes” as kind of a lame power set and like sure but They can such there own cock

whenever I vote in a poll and choose the most popular option I am a champion and when I pick the least popular option I am part of the revolutionary underdog class fighting against the posers

every day is like —— 20 insane rotating emotions and thoughts—— and whatever one I end up feeling when I go to bed is the one I somehow believe is how I’ve always felt

oh and btw when horseshoe crabs are asleep theyre called honkshoo crabs

the bravery of a girl who has to decide what is for dinner and then cook it and then wash dishes every day forever and ever.

That's called being an adult

no it’s called being the bravest girl on planet earth

I love the concept of exile. Like dude just get out