End my Missouri

Source

If he wasn’t in the room, I was assigned to answer the house phone and say “Hello, Edward will be here in jutht a moment,” in my high-pitched lisp typically described by family members as “elfin”, and then yell for my dad. Then I’d listen to him walking them through the issue because I found it interesting.

One time my dad went in for a meeting with the CEO of a large company, like, one you’ve heard of, and the CEO said “Oh, by the way, your assistant is amazing! Fixed my problem immediately.“

After some very subtle investigative work - because if the CEO of a billion dollar company is pleased you don’t answer with ‘wtf are you talking about’ - he determined that what happened was the following:

The CEO called my dad at a very odd time of day, because rich people are like that.

The phone was answered by an elfin, lisping voice, which said “Hello, I’m thorry, Edward ithn’t here right now. Can I help you?”

“…okay, do you thee the power button? Can you rethtart the computer? …that means turning it off.”