“MY WRITING SOUNDS CHOPPY”
the part of writing academic essays i really struggle with is making them flow. i always feel like my essays sound somewhat “clunky”, and i’ve been researching ways to correct this. whilst recently reading barbara fine clouse’s book, 265 troubleshooting strategies for writing nonfiction, i came across a chapter on this very subject, and so far it has been unbelievably helpful so i thought it would be a good idea to share it. i’ve listed all the pointers she gives below, however, i have adapted the examples using finnegans wake as i was trying to test it out for myself.
use difference sentence openers—open with a descriptive word:
‘unusually, the diagram is constructed out of four points, rather than three. This introduces…’
‘curiously, Joyce uses multilingual puns to create an image…’
‘interestingly, the interplay between the family adds to a feeling of …’
open with a descriptive phrase:
‘despite my better judgement, it seems that’
‘although the chapter appears frivolous and nonsensical, it is in fact’
open with a subordinate clause: (a dependent word group with a subject and verb):
‘when joyce first wrote the opening chapter of finnegans wake’
‘when the children are first participating in the ‘night lesson’
‘before the parents enter the equation, the children appear to be’
‘if the chapter takes the form of a lecture…’
open with to and the verb:
‘to argue my point convincingly, we must examine Plato’s theory of the cave’
‘to gain an insight into shem’s destructive nature, we should analyse….’
open with the subject:
‘shem’s destructive persona is revealed throughout the text using…’
‘joyce approaches metaphysics through vico’s new science’
‘the diagram is formed of two circles and a triangle, echoing…’
vary the placement of transitions:
‘in addition, joyce seems to be using metaphysics as a means of’
‘shaun’s appearance, on the other hand, is calm and collected, taking on a serious persona as..’
‘the night lesson’s use of education as a tool for understanding metaphysics is, to some extent, reasonable, however…’
combine short sentences:
use one of these words: and, because, but, for, nor, or, so, yet
short sentences (choppy): finnegans wake is ambiguous.
combined: finnegans wake is ambiguous, but its complex style leaves room for interpretation.
follow long sentences with shorter ones and short sentences with longer ones:
‘shem embodies the figure of vico. although he frequently switches place with shaun, he appears to maintain a crazed persona throughout the chapter.
‘shem’s crazed persona appears to embody the traits of vico’s ‘first universals’, for he appears to be driven by his senses with little understanding of reason. this forms the chapter’s complex structure.
use parallel construction:
not parallel: ‘shaun is quick-witted, sharp and he is intelligent.
parallel: shaun is quick-witted, sharp and intelligent.
(barbara fine clouse, 265 troubleshooting strategies for writing nonfiction (pp. 99-102).
