roselia. 18+.

i am just going to tell u this story as if u were me going thru this and finding things out in real time. OKAY, so in like September of 2025 i joined a perfume discord because I love perfume and didn't have any friends as into it as I was. For the sake of basic respect that I have for her that she did not have for me, I won't dox her. She actually, fun fact, has been doxxed before but we'll get back to that!!! I'll be referring to her by the pseudonym Evil, for a reason that will soon become clear. Evil, ironically, had done a really nice thing for me. I got scammed at target and she actually offered me money to make up for. I refused, of course, but in my head I was like wow what a sweet girl. In this discord, I happened to be looking at the vent channel, and she this same girl going off about her ex-employer and mentioned that it's a Kpop company she worked for. As a retired bts fangirl, naturally i perked the fuck up bc tea ????? i knew the girl had mentioned living in South Korea with her boyfriend (she was actually made a mod bc she operated on a different time zone than most in the chat). It was a small Discord server, and we basically got it out of her that she used to work for jyp

chat

this was it. I WAS INNNNNNN !!!!!!!

him and i would go back and forth i am in his fucking brain folds, he is on my arm lounge chair, i have on a lab coat and am taking notes. He surprisingly opened up to me about the trauma of being an idol, his relationship with his family, he was again surprisingly honest and easy to talk to. We messaged for no joke, two hours. we talk about pokemon, we talked about genshin impact, we talk about dating, we talked about his experience as a foreigner in korea, we talked about being adults in our late twenties. I leave the convo like man what a world i hope discord user chris is okay BECAUSE CHAT LMFAOOOO AM I REALLY SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THIS BANGCHAN PLSSSS but I'll do anything for the plot !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't really have a plan, like I really don't be rocking with stray kids like that, nothing personal thats just not a group I follow. I only know Bangchan from random viral TikTok videos. Anyway christopher loose lips apparently did not know i did not know WHO Evil's boyfriend was, and calls him by the name Hyunjin

YOU GUYS LMFAOAOOOOOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO THERE IS NO WAY

So I'm like mmm i dont think I was supposed to know who Evil's dating. and he was like "oh what I thought everyone in the server knew i thought Evil sent a link to a server of her friends." And I was like bro no we all barely know each other, this server is relatively new i got sent this link off Twitter LMFAO. anyway Chris is like "mate pls do not tell people about them, like on some real shit, Evil was doxxed by her previous friend, she's just now gotten her head back up." and so I'm like yeah, chill im no snitch, and he's like "good. i dont mean to sound like a dick im trusting u not to do the wrong thing, but we can and have gone the lawyer way."

Evil was fundamentally unhappy with her life (chronically ill, away from home, unemployed), so I spent a lot of time counseling her and keeping her company. I would hang out with my irls, and my friends would send her voice notes and try to include her despite them not having Discord themselves. I told my friends about Chris and Evil and mentioned Chris was an idol, but theyre so far removed from that world that everyone just knew Chris as my friend from Discord. And he was. Chris would message me fairly often, and I knew about his ex-flings, about his skz brothers, his insecurities, EVERYTHING. He would text me at like 6am KST like "bro im so tired kms i dont want to go to work today" and he'd just send updates through out the day like "ok vocal lessons over dance lessons over, lunch time, im at my home studio rn bored did u hear about the new genshin leak what r u doing today" I mean it was the most normal??? friendship. He was my loser friend Chris, who was bitchless and loved hot video game characters. He was roommates with one of the members, and whenever his roomie brought a girl home he'd hit me up and complain, even telling me the complicated lore behind Jeongin(?) and this girl.

I JUST REMEMBERED CHRIS EVEN ONCE SENT ME A PIC OF HIS INGROWN HAIR ONCE LMFOAOOO like that was just one of the homeboys y'all. It was clear from the start that Chris was a very lonely person; he didn't really like going out, and all the skz boys were grown and had their own lives/girlfriends now, and he just kind of felt... left behind. I brought up his friendship with Evil, and he said that the two were not as close as they once were, that this was the most they had spoken in a while. So ofc, I'm like oh???? Chat, this is where the plot thickens.

After persistent digging, I found out that when Evil first came to Paris, she had already been talking to Chris. He said when he was told about the new staff coming to help them for Lolla, he had stalked them all on socials, and because Evil had posted a couple of thirst traps on social media and he was attracted to her, he hit her up and they messaged like every day until Lolla, even sending each other pictures and shit. He said he thought they were on the same page, but when they hung out irl, and he tried to make a move, Evil seemed not into it, so nothing happened. And he found out later that she had slept with Hyunjin the day prior, and from then on out, it was clear Hyunjin was going to pursue Evil no matter what, so Chris just kind of backed off. SUDDENLY THE PIECES WERE FALLING INTO PLACE. Chris was a nice guy dont get me wrong, but when it came to Evil, he was.... a little out of line. In our groupchat, we'd be talking about video game characters, and Chris would pop up like EVIL DO U WANT THIS CHARACTER ILL SEND U MONEY U DESERVE HER !!!!!! Evil would always be like ummm no like if I wanted money, I'd ask my millionaire boyfriend, thanks tho king. And Chris' whole vibe would change.

Chris didn't have to tell me he still liked Evil. He didn't have to lol. And I'd try my best to encourage him to move forward, that he still was CHRISTOPHER CHAN!!!! MILLIONAIRE COOL GUY LEADER OF MEGA SUCCESSFUL GROUP. Yall i would glaze this guy; his self-esteem was so so low. I mean, he'd pick apart his looks, his personality, EVERYTHING. I would encourage him to go on dates, but he'd come back from them feeling worse because they never went well. He just had Evil on this pedestal that she was this displaced, innocent thing that needed to be protected, and when I confronted him about it and how it was potentially harmful to both him and her (benevolent sexism says hi), his only response was "well she deserves to be put on a pedestal!!!" i said bruhh. ok then. he was honestly rly pathetic. He said he was fine to die alone and that all he could do was hope that maybe in the next life he'd get another chance with her. LIKE SYBAUUUU IM SICK OF UUUU LMFAOOO!!!! Admittedly, Chis and I would fight pretty often (more than I do with my other friends), because I'd call him out on his shit constantly, and he just did NOT want to hear it and was happy being a pathetic loser man with zero self-respect. He would entertain women who clearly saw him only as Bang Chan, and it just irritated me!!!!!! Like ur 28, GET UP. I'm a fixer to my core, im ALWAYS the therapist friend, so I simply could not let that go. (also im mean to men but that's besides the point). So at this point, I'm giving therapy to both Chris and Evil and the perfume server is none the wiser. Enough people joined the server that Chris stopped being active in it, and I also just stopped poking my nose in it.

So you may be asking urself. Hey!! You're pretty involved in Evil's life!! You and her once were on discord call for 8 hours!!! You talk every day!!! Where is her boyfriend Hyunjin in all of this??? Well, he's about to enter my dms!!!!

Hyunjin was..... a mysterious figure. If I'm honest, I didn't have a favorable opinion of him. I made it a point not to message him ever because Evil spoke about a few "friends" who seemed more interested in talking to him over her, and I barely liked the guy. I had several issues with the power dynamic in Evil and his relationship (I'll get more into that in the next installment). Chris introduced him as a very cold figure, but said it was a recent development, aka after Hyunjin realized Chris still had feelings for Evil. The reason they stopped hanging out so much was because of Hyunjin. I hated the idea that Evil's boyfriend was controlling who she could hang out with, especially when she was already financially and geographically dependent on him. But honestly, y'all... the way Chris talked about Evil like she was the only girl he could ever love or lust after (he quite literally told me he couldn't get hard at his hookups) I was like yea actually maybe keep her away from this creep LMFAOOO

I cannot explain to you how hot and cold Chris's relationship and I was. When I tell y'all we REALLY argued, there were several points where I was like ??? why am I even still friends with this guy??? for Evil's sake???

but then he'd do some nice shit like offer me money (WHICH I NEVER EVER TOOK BECAUSE THE GUILT WOULD CONSUME ME ALIVE) and I'd be like aweeee its my friend chris!!! loser chris who is in the same stage of life as me, on the same meds and likes the same games I do !!! but then he'd open his mouth and say some stupid shit like "am I the only one who doesn't understand the zendaya hype??" and I'd get irritated all over again like SHUT UP !!!!!!! I remember asking him once if he had any industry crushes and he came back from an award show and said he looked, but really didn't have one, and my eyes rolled so far back in my head like shut the fuck up i don't believe you. but he claimed he only liked thick blond white women, which ig made sense because thats what Evil was.

All throughout these months, I am constantly checking in with myself like... do I believe all this??? This is objectively ridiculous but there's no way to demand proof without sounding like a dick. especially when he'd send me little videos and pictures that felt so... real

The reason I disliked Hyunjin was because Evil often complained about their sex life. She said that they had sex every single day and he didn't understand that sometimes she didn't want to because it hurt. She was even bleeding after sex several times. I told Evil straight up like, hey thats not okay. It doesn't matter if you enjoyed it, it doesn't matter if u love him, it doesn't matter if ur living on his dollar, you need to go see a doctor, and you need to literally HEAL. NO MORE SEX!!!!! Whenever I pushed back on her about this, she would always insist that she feels bad because Hyunjin is the sweetest man alive, he's just Korean and new to this whole relationship thing. Whatever. I tried my best to guide her through that and thankfully they seemed to reach a place where that was no longer a concern and there were much more reasonable expectations for sex now. And as many kind gestures Hyunjin did (constantly getting her new cartier jewelry, new expensive perfumes) as a woman, I could never forgive him.

Then the Moru Doll incident occurred.

Hyunjin and Evil went on a date where they walked around Seoul and found a little shop where you could make Moru Dolls. Evil sent me a photo of the two dolls they made (each made the other one in moru doll form). It was so stinkin' cute that the first thing I did was Instagram search moru dolls so I could learn more. Because Evil and I followed each other on instagram, a shop she followed popped up. I clicked the profile and low and behold, the shop had posted a picture of her and Hyunjin's moru dolls. The location of the shop was the town Evil told me she lived in in ENGLAND before she moved to South Korea. What the fuck??????? Because I'm a grown ass bitch, I sent her a voice note like hey clearly this shop is in [redacted british town name], do you live in Korea or not? I was so confused, when I tell you guys she operated solely on KST. I had a clock in my phone and everything so i would know when she was sleeping and when she was awake. She sent me pictures all the time of her walking thru Seoul. So why did this British shop post her dolls???

Evil responded like "oh my dolls!!! oh wait i see why you're confused, let me explain" and explained that the shop company had done a pop up in Korea and that they had done some in Japan too. She knew the British shop owner because she used to work in the same plaza, and had sent her the moru dolls like "hiii im at ur korean pop up :)" and that the owner had asked Evil permission to post it onto her instagram, which was based in England.

Right. Right. Okay sure. Fine. A couple of thoughts were now crossing my mind. If this isn't real... this is FUCKED UP. SOOOO FUCKED UP???? She was clearly someone who knew a lot about this world, the industry, and stray kids. Why the fuck would she assign these shitty ass character traits to Hyunjin and Chris if she was just a crazy fan? Nothing made sense, but Evil told me she was going to take a few days to herself, that her and I were good, and she understood why I had asked about moru dolls but that the idea of another friend not believing her sent her anxiety skyrocketing, and she needed to unplug for a bit. Remember I said she had been doxxed before? Her previous friends took to Instagram to call her a liar and posted her face and name there. (I would later find the exact post) "I'll be back," she assured me, "sigh. maybe one day my friends will just believe me at my word :("

....I didn't appreciate the guilt trip, but whatever i backed off, told Chris that if I'm not talking to Evil, I wasn't going to be talking to him. He pissed me off a lot, and I only knew him because of Evil lol. He said he understood and that this whole situation was complicated because if ur not in this world, it all seems unbelievable. Think about it, I wouldn't go and question the validity of my other friend's relationships. He said he understood and that he was sure Evil would come back. And she did. She apologized that everything was so complicated and that she really appreciated my friendship and that I heard her out. Oh well. What can I do?

Everyone returned to normal. I was busy with school, work and life and the holidays came and went. I learned more about Evil and Chris, what they were like as kids, what their hopes were for the future. Evil was struggling with her back (an old dance injury), and she was even bed-bound for a few days. Chris went over and cooked her food, sharing a pic of the food with me, excited that he could be there for her while Hyunjin was out of the country doing some solo projects shit. Hyunjin came back, Chris went back to moping in my DMs and Hyunjin and Evil seemed good. Hyunjin had even told Chris he was planning on proposing to Evil that year, before he had to enlist in the military. Of course, this sent Chris into a spiral, but frankly I didn't care. Like girl get over it. Either be Evil's friend or remove yourself idk what to tell u. Speaking of Evil's friend, Evil had a lot of friends she kept me in the loop about. Jake from enhypen was apparently her ride or die, Han and she were karaoke buddies. Felix was offline theses days, but her and him chatted often. Yeji from ITZY also seemed to really like her. Several other random kpop characters under jyp that I was unfamiliar with also made occasional appearances. Things were getting... pretty layered and more and more unbelievable. For example, Chris confessed to me that Jake once confessed to him he liked Evil but had no plans to do anything about it because of Hyunjin. Chris also said Jungwon of Enhypen also seemed a bit shy around Evil and he suspected he also had a crush on her.

Reddit, am I the asshole for finding it pretty incredible that hyunjin, chris, jake, AND jungwon ALLLL found Evil attractive? He insisted that most Korean men don't find foreigners attractive, it's just that Evil was pretty, could cook, dance, was funny, smart (she actually went to Oxford but dropped out when she realized she didn't know what she wanted to study), and played the violin and drums. In fact, she had such a keen ear that he sometimes invited her over to his studio to help out when he was stuck on producing. He made a comment once about European women being well-versed in the arts, and that's why he liked them.

To be honest, there were many comments that Chris made that gave me pause. He was Evil's number one defender. When we talked about how he was treated differently despite being Korean because he was a foreigner, the convo naturally drifted to Evil, who was a white foreigner in Korea. Unprovoked he goes, "Yeah, and imagine Evil. Like I get it, she's white... but writing off Evil's experience with prejudice in Korea just because she's white... seems like a slippery slope." ??? It left a strange taste in my mouth, especially because he and I had spoken about racism and the effects it had on us, as two members of different minority groups. He also mentioned that he had joined a curly hair Facebook support group, but he was booted out because he was asian and the group said "asians cant have curly hair."

Listen yall... idk if this really happened, and maybe online Bang Chan has spoken about it.... but idk the way discord user Chris told the story lowkey gave me anti-black vibes I can't explain. Especially because Evil had also expressed issues with the curly hair police because she had light waves. As a curly hair haver, I do understand why the distinction between curly and wavy hair matters as much as I think some people police too hard. But at the end of the day, hair holds a lot of history, pride, and trauma for black and poc - me included !!!!!!

anyway. u prob guessed it from the TWs. Evil fell pregnant one day. And she was NOT ready. She had previously mentioned to me that the idea of pregnancy was basically body horror, and she was lowkey terrified because of the back pain she was in. Hyunjin seemed excited, which made her excited, but the doctors quite literally told her carrying to term would be a bad idea as her back would not survive labor. I felt for her so bad, because my old best friend had terminated a pregnancy because of similar reasons, but it still destroyed her to give up on something that was hers and her boyfriend's. So I was very very careful when we discussed her pregnancy. I was alarmed. She seemed unwilling to terminate even when Hyunjin gave the green light. She said he seemed excited to be a dad and that was holding her back. I frankly wanted to shake her. Like bro the doctor said giving birth would likely paralyze you. You're needlessly making yourself a martyr (which was a recurring theme in her life). Evil often expressed going out of her way for people who never returned the favor. And when I would try to empower her to conserve her energy, she would just brush the suggestion off, claiming it was in her nature to do nice things for others, regardless of reciprocation. Talking to Chris about the situation also stressed me the fuck out. He said Hyunjin was going to marry Evil, leave the group and retire within the next two years. Chris is spewing some stupid shit about how he'd step up to the plate when Hyunjin inevitably enrolls in the military, leaving Evil with their child, and that Korean spouses often cheated on their husbands when they enrolled. That it wasn't their fault for being lonely. At this point i am emotionally fried. Everyone was going through something, and I could not shake the disgusting feeling that I had gotten further deep in with these people than I could emotionally handle. Sure enough, Evil's health was in such shambles that she miscarried, and I counselled her through the loss of the pregnancy. She made and shared an art piece about the ordeal that felt so raw, so vulnerable that I felt like a piece of shit for ever questioning if this was real. How could someone fake a miscarriage? How could someone replicate the complex emotions that went with it? What kind of sick human would fake ANY of this??? Every day I woke up anxious beyond belief that I had become wrapped up in a truly deluded person's roleplay. But my friend Evil was actively hurting, so for my mental health's sake, I told myself this was real. But the logical part of me couldn't stop looking for signs that it wasn't.

The groupchat now consisted of Chris, Hyunjin, Evil, Felix, and a guy from the perfume server Evil had befriended and that also seemed to know about Chris and Hyunjin. I took issue with this. One, I was already on my way out, the last thing I wanted was another FUCKING STRAY KIDS MEMBER. Secondly, the kid was young, like 18. Idk, it pissed me off. I didn't know WHAT kind of mess this was, but bringing in someone that young into it all really, really pissed me off.

I had heard of Felix in passing. There was a story about Paris that Evil told me once or twice. Basically, the consensus was that we LOVED Felix. He played genshin too and fun fact !!! Evil had actually !!!!!! kissed !!!!! Felix !!!! While drunk once !!! yes yall heard that right. but its okay hyunjin didn't mind. Why?

BECAUSE FELIX IS GAY

The handling of Felix's sexuality was always very perplexing to me. Because neither Chris nor Evil seemed to care much that I knew? Chat am I crazy for thinking an idol's sexuality is no one's business??? Much less a stranger from a perfume server?? Did they not care bc because they knew I wasn't a fan???? It felt unsafe but Felix was honestly not a character in day-to-day in the way other idols like Jake and Hyunjin were. Until he was!!

At this point chat I'm just done. This all just felt like a desperate attempt to get me to give a fuck again. Chris would send me pics like this with his foot in the corner:

The most frustrating part is that this wasn't Evil's place. We had given each other facetime apartment tours. This photo really came from someone else, but whether it came from Christopher Chan I really didn't care anymore???

Not to mention the groupchats (literally named Evil Nation) were basically just an Evil suck fest.

The user blocked out was the 18-year-old, doing the emotional labor that I often did for Evil, who had body and self-esteem issues. I remember one time, Evil and I discussed the situation where her friends doxxed her and accused her of lying about all this.

"How can I be all these people?" she said. "Also... even if it was me. Isn't it fucked up for me, a white woman, to pretend to be a korean man? And have him text in broken english?"

She was referring to Hyunjin. This was him in the perfume server. And yes! Yes, that would be very fucked up! All of this was fucked up, and a mind fuck!

I couldn't help but run back conservations had between Chris and I, and the idea that a white woman could have been behind convos where we talked about our personal experiences with racism made me fucking angry. Especially the idea that it was the same white woman who actively spoke out against the way some kpop fans fetishized asian men, the one who spoke out against kpop companies for the mistreatment of their idols.

Chris said things like he didnt get the Zendaya hype ?? Korean men r super controlling ???? THAT HE LIKED BLOND THICK WHITE WOMEN ???????? THAT WAS YOU TYPIN ?????????????? HO U ARE WEIRDDDD !!!!!! I NEEDED AN OUT!!!! I NEEDED A CLEAR SIGN THAT ALL MY SUSPICIONS WERE RIGHT AND I WASNT JUST ABOUT TO ABANDON A FRIEND WHO JUST HAD A MISCARRIAGE

And then. Finally. My prayers were heard in the form of a horse statue.

i am just going to tell u this story as if u were me going thru this and finding things out in real time. OKAY, so in like September of 2025 i joined a perfume discord because I love perfume and didn't have any friends as into it as I was. For the sake of basic respect that I have for her that she did not have for me, I won't dox her. She actually, fun fact, has been doxxed before but we'll get back to that!!! I'll be referring to her by the pseudonym Evil, for a reason that will soon become clear. Evil, ironically, had done a really nice thing for me. I got scammed at target and she actually offered me money to make up for. I refused, of course, but in my head I was like wow what a sweet girl. In this discord, I happened to be looking at the vent channel, and she this same girl going off about her ex-employer and mentioned that it's a Kpop company she worked for. As a retired bts fangirl, naturally i perked the fuck up bc tea ????? i knew the girl had mentioned living in South Korea with her boyfriend (she was actually made a mod bc she operated on a different time zone than most in the chat). It was a small Discord server, and we basically got it out of her that she used to work for jyp

chat

this was it. I WAS INNNNNNN !!!!!!!

him and i would go back and forth i am in his fucking brain folds, he is on my arm lounge chair, i have on a lab coat and am taking notes. He surprisingly opened up to me about the trauma of being an idol, his relationship with his family, he was again surprisingly honest and easy to talk to. We messaged for no joke, two hours. we talk about pokemon, we talked about genshin impact, we talk about dating, we talked about his experience as a foreigner in korea, we talked about being adults in our late twenties. I leave the convo like man what a world i hope discord user chris is okay BECAUSE CHAT LMFAOOOO AM I REALLY SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THIS BANGCHAN PLSSSS but I'll do anything for the plot !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't really have a plan, like I really don't be rocking with stray kids like that, nothing personal thats just not a group I follow. I only know Bangchan from random viral TikTok videos. Anyway christopher loose lips apparently did not know i did not know WHO Evil's boyfriend was, and calls him by the name Hyunjin

YOU GUYS LMFAOAOOOOOAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO THERE IS NO WAY

So I'm like mmm i dont think I was supposed to know who Evil's dating. and he was like "oh what I thought everyone in the server knew i thought Evil sent a link to a server of her friends." And I was like bro no we all barely know each other, this server is relatively new i got sent this link off Twitter LMFAO. anyway Chris is like "mate pls do not tell people about them, like on some real shit, Evil was doxxed by her previous friend, she's just now gotten her head back up." and so I'm like yeah, chill im no snitch, and he's like "good. i dont mean to sound like a dick im trusting u not to do the wrong thing, but we can and have gone the lawyer way."

Evil was fundamentally unhappy with her life (chronically ill, away from home, unemployed), so I spent a lot of time counseling her and keeping her company. I would hang out with my irls, and my friends would send her voice notes and try to include her despite them not having Discord themselves. I told my friends about Chris and Evil and mentioned Chris was an idol, but theyre so far removed from that world that everyone just knew Chris as my friend from Discord. And he was. Chris would message me fairly often, and I knew about his ex-flings, about his skz brothers, his insecurities, EVERYTHING. He would text me at like 6am KST like "bro im so tired kms i dont want to go to work today" and he'd just send updates through out the day like "ok vocal lessons over dance lessons over, lunch time, im at my home studio rn bored did u hear about the new genshin leak what r u doing today" I mean it was the most normal??? friendship. He was my loser friend Chris, who was bitchless and loved hot video game characters. He was roommates with one of the members, and whenever his roomie brought a girl home he'd hit me up and complain, even telling me the complicated lore behind Jeongin(?) and this girl.

I JUST REMEMBERED CHRIS EVEN ONCE SENT ME A PIC OF HIS INGROWN HAIR ONCE LMFOAOOO like that was just one of the homeboys y'all. It was clear from the start that Chris was a very lonely person; he didn't really like going out, and all the skz boys were grown and had their own lives/girlfriends now, and he just kind of felt... left behind. I brought up his friendship with Evil, and he said that the two were not as close as they once were, that this was the most they had spoken in a while. So ofc, I'm like oh???? Chat, this is where the plot thickens.

After persistent digging, I found out that when Evil first came to Paris, she had already been talking to Chris. He said when he was told about the new staff coming to help them for Lolla, he had stalked them all on socials, and because Evil had posted a couple of thirst traps on social media and he was attracted to her, he hit her up and they messaged like every day until Lolla, even sending each other pictures and shit. He said he thought they were on the same page, but when they hung out irl, and he tried to make a move, Evil seemed not into it, so nothing happened. And he found out later that she had slept with Hyunjin the day prior, and from then on out, it was clear Hyunjin was going to pursue Evil no matter what, so Chris just kind of backed off. SUDDENLY THE PIECES WERE FALLING INTO PLACE. Chris was a nice guy dont get me wrong, but when it came to Evil, he was.... a little out of line. In our groupchat, we'd be talking about video game characters, and Chris would pop up like EVIL DO U WANT THIS CHARACTER ILL SEND U MONEY U DESERVE HER !!!!!! Evil would always be like ummm no like if I wanted money, I'd ask my millionaire boyfriend, thanks tho king. And Chris' whole vibe would change.

Chris didn't have to tell me he still liked Evil. He didn't have to lol. And I'd try my best to encourage him to move forward, that he still was CHRISTOPHER CHAN!!!! MILLIONAIRE COOL GUY LEADER OF MEGA SUCCESSFUL GROUP. Yall i would glaze this guy; his self-esteem was so so low. I mean, he'd pick apart his looks, his personality, EVERYTHING. I would encourage him to go on dates, but he'd come back from them feeling worse because they never went well. He just had Evil on this pedestal that she was this displaced, innocent thing that needed to be protected, and when I confronted him about it and how it was potentially harmful to both him and her (benevolent sexism says hi), his only response was "well she deserves to be put on a pedestal!!!" i said bruhh. ok then. he was honestly rly pathetic. He said he was fine to die alone and that all he could do was hope that maybe in the next life he'd get another chance with her. LIKE SYBAUUUU IM SICK OF UUUU LMFAOOO!!!! Admittedly, Chis and I would fight pretty often (more than I do with my other friends), because I'd call him out on his shit constantly, and he just did NOT want to hear it and was happy being a pathetic loser man with zero self-respect. He would entertain women who clearly saw him only as Bang Chan, and it just irritated me!!!!!! Like ur 28, GET UP. I'm a fixer to my core, im ALWAYS the therapist friend, so I simply could not let that go. (also im mean to men but that's besides the point). So at this point, I'm giving therapy to both Chris and Evil and the perfume server is none the wiser. Enough people joined the server that Chris stopped being active in it, and I also just stopped poking my nose in it.

So you may be asking urself. Hey!! You're pretty involved in Evil's life!! You and her once were on discord call for 8 hours!!! You talk every day!!! Where is her boyfriend Hyunjin in all of this??? Well, he's about to enter my dms!!!!

Hyunjin was..... a mysterious figure. If I'm honest, I didn't have a favorable opinion of him. I made it a point not to message him ever because Evil spoke about a few "friends" who seemed more interested in talking to him over her, and I barely liked the guy. I had several issues with the power dynamic in Evil and his relationship (I'll get more into that in the next installment). Chris introduced him as a very cold figure, but said it was a recent development, aka after Hyunjin realized Chris still had feelings for Evil. The reason they stopped hanging out so much was because of Hyunjin. I hated the idea that Evil's boyfriend was controlling who she could hang out with, especially when she was already financially and geographically dependent on him. But honestly, y'all... the way Chris talked about Evil like she was the only girl he could ever love or lust after (he quite literally told me he couldn't get hard at his hookups) I was like yea actually maybe keep her away from this creep LMFAOOO

I cannot explain to you how hot and cold Chris's relationship and I was. When I tell y'all we REALLY argued, there were several points where I was like ??? why am I even still friends with this guy??? for Evil's sake???

but then he'd do some nice shit like offer me money (WHICH I NEVER EVER TOOK BECAUSE THE GUILT WOULD CONSUME ME ALIVE) and I'd be like aweeee its my friend chris!!! loser chris who is in the same stage of life as me, on the same meds and likes the same games I do !!! but then he'd open his mouth and say some stupid shit like "am I the only one who doesn't understand the zendaya hype??" and I'd get irritated all over again like SHUT UP !!!!!!! I remember asking him once if he had any industry crushes and he came back from an award show and said he looked, but really didn't have one, and my eyes rolled so far back in my head like shut the fuck up i don't believe you. but he claimed he only liked thick blond white women, which ig made sense because thats what Evil was.

All throughout these months, I am constantly checking in with myself like... do I believe all this??? This is objectively ridiculous but there's no way to demand proof without sounding like a dick. especially when he'd send me little videos and pictures that felt so... real

The reason I disliked Hyunjin was because Evil often complained about their sex life. She said that they had sex every single day and he didn't understand that sometimes she didn't want to because it hurt. She was even bleeding after sex several times. I told Evil straight up like, hey thats not okay. It doesn't matter if you enjoyed it, it doesn't matter if u love him, it doesn't matter if ur living on his dollar, you need to go see a doctor, and you need to literally HEAL. NO MORE SEX!!!!! Whenever I pushed back on her about this, she would always insist that she feels bad because Hyunjin is the sweetest man alive, he's just Korean and new to this whole relationship thing. Whatever. I tried my best to guide her through that and thankfully they seemed to reach a place where that was no longer a concern and there were much more reasonable expectations for sex now. And as many kind gestures Hyunjin did (constantly getting her new cartier jewelry, new expensive perfumes) as a woman, I could never forgive him.

Then the Moru Doll incident occurred.

Hyunjin and Evil went on a date where they walked around Seoul and found a little shop where you could make Moru Dolls. Evil sent me a photo of the two dolls they made (each made the other one in moru doll form). It was so stinkin' cute that the first thing I did was Instagram search moru dolls so I could learn more. Because Evil and I followed each other on instagram, a shop she followed popped up. I clicked the profile and low and behold, the shop had posted a picture of her and Hyunjin's moru dolls. The location of the shop was the town Evil told me she lived in in ENGLAND before she moved to South Korea. What the fuck??????? Because I'm a grown ass bitch, I sent her a voice note like hey clearly this shop is in [redacted british town name], do you live in Korea or not? I was so confused, when I tell you guys she operated solely on KST. I had a clock in my phone and everything so i would know when she was sleeping and when she was awake. She sent me pictures all the time of her walking thru Seoul. So why did this British shop post her dolls???

Evil responded like "oh my dolls!!! oh wait i see why you're confused, let me explain" and explained that the shop company had done a pop up in Korea and that they had done some in Japan too. She knew the British shop owner because she used to work in the same plaza, and had sent her the moru dolls like "hiii im at ur korean pop up :)" and that the owner had asked Evil permission to post it onto her instagram, which was based in England.

Right. Right. Okay sure. Fine. A couple of thoughts were now crossing my mind. If this isn't real... this is FUCKED UP. SOOOO FUCKED UP???? She was clearly someone who knew a lot about this world, the industry, and stray kids. Why the fuck would she assign these shitty ass character traits to Hyunjin and Chris if she was just a crazy fan? Nothing made sense, but Evil told me she was going to take a few days to herself, that her and I were good, and she understood why I had asked about moru dolls but that the idea of another friend not believing her sent her anxiety skyrocketing, and she needed to unplug for a bit. Remember I said she had been doxxed before? Her previous friends took to Instagram to call her a liar and posted her face and name there. (I would later find the exact post) "I'll be back," she assured me, "sigh. maybe one day my friends will just believe me at my word :("

....I didn't appreciate the guilt trip, but whatever i backed off, told Chris that if I'm not talking to Evil, I wasn't going to be talking to him. He pissed me off a lot, and I only knew him because of Evil lol. He said he understood and that this whole situation was complicated because if ur not in this world, it all seems unbelievable. Think about it, I wouldn't go and question the validity of my other friend's relationships. He said he understood and that he was sure Evil would come back. And she did. She apologized that everything was so complicated and that she really appreciated my friendship and that I heard her out. Oh well. What can I do?

Everyone returned to normal. I was busy with school, work and life and the holidays came and went. I learned more about Evil and Chris, what they were like as kids, what their hopes were for the future. Evil was struggling with her back (an old dance injury), and she was even bed-bound for a few days. Chris went over and cooked her food, sharing a pic of the food with me, excited that he could be there for her while Hyunjin was out of the country doing some solo projects shit. Hyunjin came back, Chris went back to moping in my DMs and Hyunjin and Evil seemed good. Hyunjin had even told Chris he was planning on proposing to Evil that year, before he had to enlist in the military. Of course, this sent Chris into a spiral, but frankly I didn't care. Like girl get over it. Either be Evil's friend or remove yourself idk what to tell u. Speaking of Evil's friend, Evil had a lot of friends she kept me in the loop about. Jake from enhypen was apparently her ride or die, Han and she were karaoke buddies. Felix was offline theses days, but her and him chatted often. Yeji from ITZY also seemed to really like her. Several other random kpop characters under jyp that I was unfamiliar with also made occasional appearances. Things were getting... pretty layered and more and more unbelievable. For example, Chris confessed to me that Jake once confessed to him he liked Evil but had no plans to do anything about it because of Hyunjin. Chris also said Jungwon of Enhypen also seemed a bit shy around Evil and he suspected he also had a crush on her.

Reddit, am I the asshole for finding it pretty incredible that hyunjin, chris, jake, AND jungwon ALLLL found Evil attractive? He insisted that most Korean men don't find foreigners attractive, it's just that Evil was pretty, could cook, dance, was funny, smart (she actually went to Oxford but dropped out when she realized she didn't know what she wanted to study), and played the violin and drums. In fact, she had such a keen ear that he sometimes invited her over to his studio to help out when he was stuck on producing. He made a comment once about European women being well-versed in the arts, and that's why he liked them.

To be honest, there were many comments that Chris made that gave me pause. He was Evil's number one defender. When we talked about how he was treated differently despite being Korean because he was a foreigner, the convo naturally drifted to Evil, who was a white foreigner in Korea. Unprovoked he goes, "Yeah, and imagine Evil. Like I get it, she's white... but writing off Evil's experience with prejudice in Korea just because she's white... seems like a slippery slope." ??? It left a strange taste in my mouth, especially because he and I had spoken about racism and the effects it had on us, as two members of different minority groups. He also mentioned that he had joined a curly hair Facebook support group, but he was booted out because he was asian and the group said "asians cant have curly hair."

Listen yall... idk if this really happened, and maybe online Bang Chan has spoken about it.... but idk the way discord user Chris told the story lowkey gave me anti-black vibes I can't explain. Especially because Evil had also expressed issues with the curly hair police because she had light waves. As a curly hair haver, I do understand why the distinction between curly and wavy hair matters as much as I think some people police too hard. But at the end of the day, hair holds a lot of history, pride, and trauma for black and poc - me included !!!!!!

anyway. u prob guessed it from the TWs. Evil fell pregnant one day. And she was NOT ready. She had previously mentioned to me that the idea of pregnancy was basically body horror, and she was lowkey terrified because of the back pain she was in. Hyunjin seemed excited, which made her excited, but the doctors quite literally told her carrying to term would be a bad idea as her back would not survive labor. I felt for her so bad, because my old best friend had terminated a pregnancy because of similar reasons, but it still destroyed her to give up on something that was hers and her boyfriend's. So I was very very careful when we discussed her pregnancy. I was alarmed. She seemed unwilling to terminate even when Hyunjin gave the green light. She said he seemed excited to be a dad and that was holding her back. I frankly wanted to shake her. Like bro the doctor said giving birth would likely paralyze you. You're needlessly making yourself a martyr (which was a recurring theme in her life). Evil often expressed going out of her way for people who never returned the favor. And when I would try to empower her to conserve her energy, she would just brush the suggestion off, claiming it was in her nature to do nice things for others, regardless of reciprocation. Talking to Chris about the situation also stressed me the fuck out. He said Hyunjin was going to marry Evil, leave the group and retire within the next two years. Chris is spewing some stupid shit about how he'd step up to the plate when Hyunjin inevitably enrolls in the military, leaving Evil with their child, and that Korean spouses often cheated on their husbands when they enrolled. That it wasn't their fault for being lonely. At this point i am emotionally fried. Everyone was going through something, and I could not shake the disgusting feeling that I had gotten further deep in with these people than I could emotionally handle. Sure enough, Evil's health was in such shambles that she miscarried, and I counselled her through the loss of the pregnancy. She made and shared an art piece about the ordeal that felt so raw, so vulnerable that I felt like a piece of shit for ever questioning if this was real. How could someone fake a miscarriage? How could someone replicate the complex emotions that went with it? What kind of sick human would fake ANY of this??? Every day I woke up anxious beyond belief that I had become wrapped up in a truly deluded person's roleplay. But my friend Evil was actively hurting, so for my mental health's sake, I told myself this was real. But the logical part of me couldn't stop looking for signs that it wasn't.