Yall know about that story of King Solomon? The one with the baby and he’s like “yeah, cut it in half lol” to appease two women claiming to be it’s mom? Anyway. I think I’m funny.
Simeon x Gn!Reader! AND Barbatos x Gn!Reader! Oohh! It’s self-indulgent! Oooohh!
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Blinking at him does nothing to dissuade the charming smile Simeon always wears. He offers you a sustained, content stare, like he's waiting for you to voice your surprise- or daring you to. Weighing the choice feels moot when Barbatos leans forward and refills your cup. It's in your hand still, and knowing the butler's attention to etiquette, it feels more like a friendly wakeup call than the threat the angel is making. When you're all topped up, he stands by your side a moment too long and you chew on your lip to find the escape the butler is offering you.
"I think we should spend more time together Simeon" Your natural charm wins out against the initial surprise, and you sip your tea as the writer shifts his smile from sure to intrigued. "I had a completely wrong impression of what this tea party might entail. I'm sorry I was so caught off guard." Flashing your best smile seems to settle the man but his ice blue eyes shine with something almost predatory. When his perfect smile shifts to a pout you worry you won't be leaving here alive.
"I'd love to spend more time with you, as well" He tilts his head and you watch the way the soft curls around his ears bounce "But catching you off guard has its own merits too..." Something clicks in your mind and you understand why he's so close to Solomon. His stare drags a burning chill along your skin, and you laugh a little to keep the frost from settling in. Simeon is dangerous, you're sure of it- You just wish your body wouldn't get so excited about that.
When the steward speaks your name, you're grateful for the breath it returns to your lungs. Turning to face him, you try to keep the relief from your face, but he isn't even looking at you. Instead, Barbatos keeps his eyes locked on the other man as he retrieves your initial conversation topic. "It would do you to remember that we are both ancient in comparison to a human's natural lifespan. I promise there is no need to be intimidated by Simeon's high body count. It does nothing to reflect his experience." He takes a long sip of his tea then and you can't help the way your jaw falls open at the polite way he just called his friend an inexperienced lover.
Simeon stands and you're almost convinced he's going to tackle the butler. Instead, he moves to sit beside you on the patio sofa, draping a slender arm behind you and leaning in too close to be friendly. The way he bats his eyelashes at you shoots that familiar chill straight to your core and you shiver involuntarily. He's a gorgeous man and now you’re sure you couldn't close your mouth, even if you'd wanted to.
Ice-blue locks into your eyes and you swallow down whatever's pooling in your mouth. From his arresting stare you find yourself traveling down the thin planes of his delicate nose to his soft, bow-shaped lip. The soft smile there is inviting, and even more so when it's pulled into that seductive little grin he wears to leer at you. You realize then that Simeon often leers at you. "Shall I show you exactly how experienced I am, little lamb?" Lucifer is the only one who calls you that, and it's usually reserved for when he's being particularly flirty. Hearing it from the angel sends your salivary glands into overdrive and you're worried you might drown on the drool forming.
Just as a slender finger comes up to drag across your jaw line, you feel a different glove drag across your lip and turn your head fully away. There's no reprieve for you though, and as you're face to face with the demon, you feel yourself tremble anew in the demanding mint expression. "Come now, you mustn't give in so easily to a few pretty words. It's unbecoming, my darling." Barbatos' hands draw a circle at your pulse and then dance down to your collar. You feel your heart move inside you wherever his glove touches you, but you've never been more satisfied in your life.
Another hand rests on your shoulder, both men staking their claim like you were a doll to be won. Even if they're just messing around, you've never had anyone fight over you before and you lean back a little into the sofa as Simeon frowns at his friend.
"Barbatos. It's rude to toy with your guest like this. Entirely unbecoming of the Demon Prince's butler." The angel drags his hand over your furthest shoulder and tugs you closer.
"I must agree with you Simeon. Toying with our sweet human would be unthinkable. Anyone who would do such a thing must obviously not understand the complexities of the heart." He reaches down to your hip then, pulling your body the opposite direction, but not out of the angel's arms.
It's hard to ignore the way Barbatos keeps calling the writer an unpracticed lover and when Simeon retorts by insinuating Barbatos is cruel and unfeeling, you feel as if you're watching a soap opera. The words dart across your chest from either side but neither the angel nor the demon seem to relent in their bickering or their vice grip on you. Deep within you, a different conflict breaks out over whether to let them continue or to put an end to this before it goes too far. Reluctantly, you grab both their hands let out a loud "Excuse me".
They both stop immediately, seemingly noticing you for the first time and you're close enough to kiss either of them- not that this would be a great time for it. "I'm flattered, really but I'd appreciate not being torn apart over this." Sense seems to find them now and they both lean back, releasing you slightly and smoothing down any wrinkles their tugging might have caused. They're both nearly in sync and you muse about their friendship for a moment before you let out a sigh all your own and move to drape your arms around them both.
"I think you'd both best apologize" Rubbing a thumb along Simeon's collar and Barbatos' shoulder seam manages to silence them both and only part of you wants it to be for self-reflection. When one shifts, the other matches it and in a moment they're both turned to face you, a cold determination in both mint and sky. Shifting yourself, you move to bring your hands back to your lap and the angel and demon take one, respectively.
"Darling," the butler's voice feels like a warm bath full of rose petals "My friendship with Simeon is much stronger than a few curt words." His smile is reassuring and you look to the writer for the same. He nods, stroking the back of your hand with a gloved thumb and you let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding. Obviously these two get at it every so often, you shouldn't really be that surprised. Satisfied, you intend to shift the conversation back to familiar territory but can only manage a smile before Simeon sinks his heels in once more.
"Between the two of us, who would you rather accompany you for a romantic evening?" The question knocks out what ever breath you'd managed to reclaim. Sputtering a moment, you whip your head between them, both men watching for your answer with firm resolve that they'll be the winner. The question weighs heavy on you, never having really thought you had a chance with either of them. You find yourself desperately looking for some answer- some grace that might save your from making the choice between the worlds most devoted, talented and reliable demon, over the resolute, capable and skilled angel.
"I suppose it's only natural for an angel to consider one over the other." The third voice steals your panic, and you look passed both men to Solomon, stood by the table and sipping leisurely from Simeon's cup. the angel squeezes your hand a little tighter but doesn't let his irritation show otherwise. The sorcerer continues, unprompted. "Surely you both love my darling student, why not both date them?" He takes another drink like he's sorted it all out and you can't help but feel like he's made decisions like this in the past. 'Why not both' what is he, a taco commercial?
While you're giving the man your best stink eye, you feel both the angel and demon seem to sort something out. Neither of them speaks but after a moment, they've turned back around to face the sorcerer and settled into your sides. "I suppose repeating the same advice enough times is bound to result in success eventually?" The butler pulls his cup towards him with magic, refusing to be away from you for even a moment. Solomon laughs and takes a seat, perpetually unbothered by his pact's comments.
"With a track record so terrible, you'd think one might retire it?" Simeon turns his head to whisper, but his volume insists he wants his roommate to hear him.
"I promise it's worked at least twice now." Solomon's eyes lock onto you, waiting for your answer. When you can't seem to find your tongue, a nod suffices and he takes the chance to relax back into his seat. "Thrice!" He announces in too happy a tone.
Your friends (partners???) continue to poke fun at your teacher and for the first time in an hour it feels like any other day. If it weren't for the sweat on your palms slowly soaking into their gloves, you'd have relaxed back into the couch. Instead, the world revolves, their conversation continues and when Barbatos refills everyone's tea, he offers you his cup and takes to placing his hand on your thigh instead.
Small gestures like that take up the rest of your teatime. Simeon drawing circles into your palm, Barbatos leaning into whisper context against your neck, either man offering to feed you the tea snacks they'd prepared. You're being doted on and the longer it lasts the more comfortable it becomes. When the steward must return to his duties, you say a communal goodbye at the garden gate. You offer a wave to your teacher but before you can even turn to face him properly, Simeon steps up and places a soft, honey-sweet kiss to your cheek, just above the corner of your mouth. The sensation shoots that familiar shiver into your bones and your suddenly too hot and cold all at once.
The moment only spirals further into chaos as Barbatos offers you the same adieu on your other side. From behind you, he pulls you to him with a hand on your shoulder. He ushers you around easily and with elegance, leans down to place his feather-light kiss to your other cheek. Another rough shiver dances across your shoulders and through your digestive system. They both watch you for a moment longer before both men offer space for both your sakes.
Simeon's the first to laugh, covering his mouth doesn't hide the soft way sky blue crinkle as he fawns over your expression. When Barbatos chuckles from behind you, you spin to see the same expression mirrored in mint. they both offer you a soft goodbye and as you float away, feet moving without any real order, you hear them call you 'adorable'.
Later, when you're alone in your room and considering if you'd been dreaming the afternoon up, you receive a notification on your DDD. It's the creation of a group chat and you blink at it for a while; the title is just your name with hearts. Blinking at the screen doesn't wipe it away and when both Simeon and Barbatos send a short message each you find that you're staring at the screen for much longer than you'd anticipated.
You fall asleep like that. Eyes shutting, mind racing into white noise and the screen of your phone showing two distinct messages in a group chat.
"Goodnight, my darling"
"Sleep well, my lamb" Followed by a sticker Simeon clearly hadn't meant to send.
You wake up to Barbatos chastising him for it. Your heart nearly explodes in your chest.













