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We go through a lot of pickles here and this recipe is a good way to use leftover brine.

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

therapypilled deadbeat father: I really don't have the headspace for custody right now

*torturing you* dude trust me, something really cool happens. you just have to reflect on it for a bit. i'm doing this because i want you to reach your full potential okay?

there's a delicate balance between "seeing something on my dash so often i end up caring about it unexpectedly" and "seeing something on my dash so often that it gets added to the blocked list with extreme prejudice"

watched enough explosive friend group break ups that now every time some of my friends are kinda quiet towards me im like "damn what if theyre in a secret group chat compiling an extensive list of everything ive ever done wrong?" as if thats like a normal thing to experience in your friendships.

one of the best parts of making up increasingly wild and specific aus with a friend is sending them posts like "this is sooo blorbo in torture chamber au number 15" and they reply back like "YESSS btw have i told you about my latest idea for how to torture them even more" and you get to enjoy a little snack and kick your feet with glee

turn on the n64 any game they drowned the second ben

my undertale theory is that when sans shook frisk's hand there was no whoopy cushion and he ripped ass loud as fuck