bill has to laugh off the feeling, because how embarrassing! the meatbag's in love with him! that's RICH! just goes to show how stupid ford really is that he'd think he has a chance with a god!
or he has to preen, because why wouldn't he? it just goes to show how smart ford really is! he knows greatness when he sees it! anyone with half a brain would be in love with bill!
if he doesn't deny or repress or rationalize then it becomes too much. he has to bury the screaming, yawning, desperate, fireworks display ford's body becomes whenever they're around each other because otherwise it feels too dangerous.
bill doesn't like being trapped, and the last time he was loved-
well. he doesn't like being loved.
feared, worshiped, lusted after, all that's great fun! but love? love is conditional. love is demanding and hungry and greedy and painful. love wants. and bill's the only one allowed to want.
except that ford doesn't want. he doesn't make demands, and the only thing he's hungry for is more time spent with bill, and he's happy to do whatever bill likes during that time. even when ford calls him out on things, catches him in a lie, it's not pressuring, it doesn't make bill feel like he's backed into a corner, staring down an eye chart, standing in front of his parents who are holding a letter his teacher sent.
when ford catches him out it's fun, it's a puzzle, it's a game. it leaves them both laughing, debating, passing logic and knowledge and creativity between each other and has ford's body lighting up again.
and so what if that light feels warm instead of burning? so what if bill keeps kicking the portal down the road a little further and further and further just so he can feel embraced for once?
so what if maybe this love feels safe?
janainaart
vaporwave
baratheonpilled
andulkaphoto
pixelskylines
areudirty
germansingergirl
